Wishing for other people's lives

These days, with things like Facebook and blogging, I have found it has become so easy to be envious of other people's lives- their stuff, their marriages, their everything. It has become so easy to focus on what other people have that we think we don't.

For instance, I look at Facebook at some of my old friends who are married now, and I am envious because their husbands are home. Everyday. Around 5pm. They are done with work and can spend time with their wife and family, should they have one. I am envious because my husband and I do not get that privilege. Currently, I do not get that privilege because CB is back in DC, working on internal medicine. I haven't seen him in 4 weeks, and he won't be back home until April. When he is here, I do not get that privilege because CB works long hours, and sometimes is on-call for 24 hours or more, and sometimes only gets one day off a week and that may not be the weekend. And then when he is here? Sure, we spend time together, but then, he has to study. When CB gets "home" from DC, he will then only be home on the weekends, as he will drive up to another military base in our state and spend the weeks there working on Family Medicine. I often wonder what it would be like to have him come home every day, around 5pm, and be home on the weekends. So easy, to look around and be jealous.

But I have to remind myself: You knew. You said, "Yes. I will stay with you even though we will be long distance for 2 years. Yes. I will marry you knowing fully that you are in medical school and have a long road of long hours in front of you. Yes. I will marry you knowing that you are in the military and that may take you away for weeks and months at a time. Yes. I will marry you." I knew that he would be away for parts of his 3rd and 4th years of medical school. I definitely knew that learning and training to be a doctor is not an easy path and that he would have some weeks of good hours and some weeks of hell. I knew, and so it is not fair that I am jealous.

I also know that one day he will come home at 5pm, and not have to travel all over the US to different military hospitals for clerkships for weeks at a time. I know that he has chosen a specialty (99.9% sure of what he wants to do) that will allow him to have a regular family life. It will not take him away suddenly for a medical emergency (mostly). I know that he will be around one day, home at 5pm, ready to eat dinner and spend time with our family. In the meantime, I must try to be happy for my friends, and patient with CB and I's situation, knowing that it will all come out even in the end.