Teacher Treasure?

So, my school has a silent auction every year- as most schools do. Every year, the schools ask the teachers to donate what they call 'Teacher Treasures.' These 'treasures' can be a lot of things- guitar lessons from a teacher who was in a really cool band that was well-known locally, ultimate frisbee with a young bachelor teacher whom all the boys hang all over, babysitting, tutoring, etc.

I was a bit surprised when I got an email from the president of the parent-teacher fellowship (PTA for private school). She told me that they would love for me to donate a 'Teacher Treasure.' I wrote back and said, 'I would love to donate my time to this, but, uh, I don't have any special skills to share. Help me.'

I recieved a reply informing me that I do have a special skill- being me! (not something one would consider a special skill, but whatever, I'll take it). She suggested I have a Girls' Afternoon Out. It would be at the local (and highly popular) mall and I, along with the winner of this package and 2 of her friends, would get pedicures a yummy drink thing and just be 'out,' hanging out, walking around with our cute toes and drinking our Orange Cups. 

Thus, on April 25th, I will embark on an afternoon with 4 of my female students- most likely junior high girls- to hang out and relax. And all I can think is: What am I going to wear? Then: Wait,  am I seriously concerned about what to wear to hang out with 12-14 year olds?!!!! Eeesh. I need a life.

Freak Out.

Last night, after I wrote that last post, I had a freak out. A huge one.

A freak out because I am leaving the ever so steady, stable and assured job I have right now. A job they would gladly let me keep forever as long as I kept doing a good job. 

A freak out because I am in a place now where I have to get my teacher's certification, which is not inherently a bad thing, but the process of it is so extensive. So extensive when I have already been teaching, and not just teaching- but teaching well and effectively- for 2 years now. 

A freak out because I could skip lots of that process, a good 13 weeks of it, if I just take the TExES/EtCET Latin Exam.  At first I thought, pffff. No problem. What do you think I have been doing for the past 2 years? What did I study so much in college? Uhhh. Latin. 

But then I looked at the practice exams, and really freaked out. It is h.a.r.d. And I am good at Latin. But honestly, I haven't LOOKED at Vergil's Aeneid (in Latin) since Junior year of college. I have NEVER read any Cicero. There were some authors listed that I had flat out never heard of.  And if I were to take this exam and pass, I would enter into the program just in time to be employable for the 2009-2010 school year. Sounds great, huh? Not when the next, and last possible exam date to be eligible for this program is April 4. Less than 2 months away. Again, not a problem when you don't teach full time already. I just don't think I have the time for heavy, difficult Latin reading outside of what I am already doing to stay on top of teaching, stay on top of my life, stay on top in general.

If I don't pass that exam, I will have to wait and apply for this program in May. I wouldn't be able to teach in a public school until 2010-2011. This would mean that for 2009-2010, I would be working through content stuff and general classes, but most of these classes are evening classes and Saturday classes.  

CB has already told me that I do not have to work when we get down there. He has told me that if I want to go back to school, I can do that. Not trying to be gauche about this, but he makes enough that I don't really have to work full-time, and he is okay with me going to school instead of working. But the idea of not working honestly freaks me out. 

I have thought about being a full-time private tutor. Tutoring, and working my way through the alternative certification program. Then going back to teaching in 2010-2011. Or I could work on finding another private school job which might, perchance, hire me sans teaching certificate, but let me work on it while I am teaching.

I just don't know and that scares me more than anything. 

The heart of the matter is this: Every aspect of my life is changing in less than 4 months. I am leaving the only big girl job I have ever had. I am leaving a perfectly stable, good job. I am leaving my secure apartment. I am leaving the area I have lived in my entire life. I am leaving my family,  from whom I have never been further than 45 minutes. What if my new teaching job sucks? What if the students are horrendous and mean? What if the other teachers are mean and unfriendly? What if CB and I get down there and fall apart- nevermind the fact we have been together over 2.5 years by then and have known each other for over 4 years, and the fact that I respect him deeply as a person and love him deeply and consider him my best friend and that we have worked really hard to make our relationship work through being in college together to being long distance together. What if it all comes apart? What if I can't find a job? What if I do find a job, and they don't think I am a very good teacher? What if I fail? 

What if I fail? 

Current Status

I am sick. Sick with a one of those random viruses that wanders all over.

It started with a tingly weird feeling in my chest- like I needed cough badly, but couldn't.

Rapidly, it developed into severe aching throughout my body (sounds like the flu, right? wrong.)

Next day the aches were gone, but a phlegmy cough and runny nose had set in. 

That brings me to today, I am about the same as yesterday. Except any kind of activity for more than an hour causes me to pass out for 2 hours.

My other status is that I NEED A J.O.B. Specifically a teaching one. Specifically in one southern area of this great state. 

My current school is handing out the contracts for next year at the end of this month, and I won't be getting one. Not because I'm a bad teacher- actually, I received a phenomenol review from my boss- but because I am leaving, and my school has been made aware. Well, the admin has, not so much the students yet. 

I'm not going to lie, it is going to be depressing not getting a large white envelope with a contract, a salary, and courses to teach listed on it. 

And it will be even more depressing as other teachers turn those contracts in and I shift back and forth nervously in my chair because I have NO IDEA what I am going to be doing for a living come next August. 

Meanwhile, all I can do is look and work on my resume. But wait- how the EFF do I fit all this crap I do onto a resume now? How do I make it look presentable? Teacher's resumes are slightly different than business resumes, and mine is even more different because technically? I don't have a certification.  Which brings me to the other order of business: Alternative Teaching Certification? Do I want to teach public or private? How do I go about applying for the ATC? Can I still apply for a teaching job for '09-'10 if I am just starting an ATC? 

Answers:

I have looked into the ATC. I have the required SAT score (I know, who thought that might apply now?). They do offer a Latin TExES/EtCET exam.  

I will teach at whatever place hires me: public or private. Unless there is a likely chance I will be assaulted.

I do not know if I can apply for teaching jobs while in the process of getting an ATC.

I cannot even begin applying for the ATC until March 1, 2009. 

Arrrrrrg. Too many things to worry about. Not to mention moving in 4-ish months. Not to mention finding somewhere to live. Not to mention packing my entire mess of an apartment. Sheesh.