Best thing about this birthday: I finally get a horizontal driver's license

Yes. I am being quite serious.

Today is my birthday. Shockingly (or maybe not?) I cried a lot today.

I cried this morning because I felt utterly alone on my birthday. Because CB is in another state, my best friend is in another state, and my other best friend is out of the country. Because my teacher friends were all at a conference which I was not at because I had to take cheerleading sponsor duty while my co-sponsor was at the conference- seniority and such. That and she is vice president of the Texas Classical Association.

And I had a nightmare about my wedding day last night.

And my dad didn't call me to wish me a happy birthday until 7 pm. But that is neither here nor there. I won't get into that.

The day did improve significantly. CB had a webcam birthday date with me, for which during the first half of I cried and he just patiently listened and was comforting. And then did everything he knows how to do to cheer me up. Which worked.

I received 18 hot pink roses from CB and a wonderful message. And the UPS lady delivering them was really nice too.

I bought myself chic-fil-a for lunch, and realized as I started driving that MY DRIVER'S LICENSE EXPIRED TODAY!!! Yessss! Luckily, I already had ordered (if you could call it that) the new one online 2 weeks ago.

I realized said driver's license will FINALLY be horizontal like all other adults. (Yes, I am one of those young kids who were the first to get the horizontal under 21 driver's licenses, though, as a note I would like to say that my first license was actually horizontal and my head had to be turned to the side. It was the SECOND license, the 17 yr. old one, that I received the vertical one. Just what you all always wanted to know about me.)

I went to fulfill my cheerleading sponsor duties and the cheerleaders did a great job. And a student of mine had made me a birthday cake and brought it to me. And another had made me some frosted sugar cookies. And another brought me a Coke- anyone who truly knows me, knows this was a good call on said student's part. And still others told me they had stuff they wanted to give me on Monday. It was nice really.

Finally I made my way to my mom's house where my stepdad had made my favorite pasta. My mom took me to look at wedding cakes through cake shop windows- for fun, my brother and I got in an argument and I started crying, again. My mom gave me beautiful earrings and my brother and his gf gave me my second wedding planning book and a beautiful Coach scarf, and (drum roll) I tried on my mom's wedding dress. It was super fun. It fit me perfectly. I will not be using it for my wedding, but it was a great time to be wearing a wedding dress, even if I thought the front looked funny on me.

I did like the back though. The buttons weren't buttoned like they should've been. But i still liked the back. (picture quality sucks because it was taken with my cell phone)

Then, because I am a raging nearly quarter century old, I came home and am about to retire to sleep. At 11 pm. Because my face is sunburned and I am tired.

It is no good to be alone on your birthday. But it is great to have wonderful friends who call you and send you cards and gifts and remember you always. Thanks whores, I love you both so much. And thanks for being co-maid of honors. : )

And that was my day.
But, YESS, for the horizontal license.

I <3 October.

I love the fall. More importantly, I love October. The temperatures drop to comfortably cool, and sometimes a little uncomfortably cool- enough to warrant my putting on a sweater, which makes me happy. In Texas, the trees don't do much, but that's alright, it is the weather that matters most.

October is the beginning of the holiday season in my mind. Birthdays (including mine... next Saturday!!!), Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years all consecutively fall in line starting in October.

And, as weird as this will sound, October has a smell. Certain things just start smelling like Fall. I love it.

In the meantime...

the chapel is reserved for the wedding. (yesssssss). December 19, 2009.
a friend of CB and I is taking our engagement pictures in November.
and my mom is worried enough about silly wedding details that I really just have to sit here and relax.

Next order of business: finding a reception venue. All in due time.

I am trying to recover my work ethic. Getting engaged knocked it off balance for a good two weeks. I was lucky to get my 1st quarter grade in on time... sort of.

And it's October... it is so hard to focus during such a gorgeous month.

What One Does a Week After Getting Engaged, or, Why the day you get engaged is a lot like Christmas morning.

This weekend was spent doing several things.

Mostly I slept a lot. I went to bed before midnight- usually well before midnight- every night, and woke up around 8, 9, or 10 the next morning. Sometimes I woke up at a 8, did stuff for 10 minutes, and then went back to sleep.

When not sleeping, I spent a great deal of time flipping through wedding magazines and cutting/ripping stuff out. This is in part thanks to my dear whore friend who mailed me 4 'gently used' wedding mags, and a black book with blank pages with the purpose of being filled with my rippings and clippings.

Same whore friend mailed me my birthday presents, which I promptly opened 2 weeks before my actual birthday. Even though it said to wait. But I was just dying to see what was in the the awkwardly shaped package which turned out to be a Camp Rock radio/pen.... neat. The Hannah Montana Glue stick was actually a necessity though. A necessity for gluing my wedidng mag clippings into my black book.

I finally got around to cleaning some stuff, but after I carefully removed my engagement ring and cleaned it for the second time in 3 days (anal much?!).

I mostly have found that the moment you get engaged, that beautiful, meaningful, amazing moment in your life- is over in 5 minutes. Much like Christmas morning. All the anticipation and then BAM, that very moment is over.

Then you spend the rest of your time playing with what you got on Christmas day, or in this case, engagement day. I gaze at the ring. I fret over the small scuffs on the palm of it, and worry that it might be losing its sparkle.

If you are not playing with the actual gifts from the day, you are messing with the assorted pieces that go with your gifts... here this would be wedding magazines and day dreaming.


Unlike Christmas morning, engagement lasts. It turns into wedding day. Wedding day turns into marriage. Marriage (hopefully) turns into the rest of your life.

So after all of my sleeping and wedding magazine reading and clipping and ripping, and brief spurts of cleaning, I finally did some legitimate work for school.

And thus here I am, writing about engagement again. Sigh.

A Good Day

Today was great.

I had a good day at school with the students, and even though I was extremely tired, I felt energized by the fact that tomorrow is 'Fair Day' and thus I do not have school. I can't express my joy for this enough.

I went to dinner with my Dad and that went extremely well. It was very encouraging. Could've been that he had already had 2 cocktails... but probably not. Things are (crossing fingers) kind of smoothing out in that area.

After, I went to my dear teacher friend's house with another teacher friend and for the first time since I have been back, I celebrated my engagement. We drank champagne concoctions since none of us really like champagne at all by itself and we ended up with this delicious lemon tasting one. We sat and discussed random teaching stuff, Latin stuff, and wedding stuff until we all we so tired we couldn't think straight.

It was a really good day.

About that 'parents getting better' statement...

I was mistaken.

They are not more agreeable, or compromising, or anything. They have simply- for less than 24 hours- removed me from the circle. Until mom called this afternoon and discussed how Dad still hasn't said how much his ultimate bottom line would be. Dad hasn't really committed to paying for any part of this.

I am starting to get the feeling that Dad does not truly want to pay for any part of my wedding, but knows he will look like an ass if he says so. In the meantime he is going to keep me and my mom running in circles to figure it all out until mom finally gives up and says, 'Fine. I'll pay.' It is so sad really.

To me, he insists me wants me to have a wonderful, classy wedding and that it will all be taken care of (take note that he did not say, 'and I will make sure it is taken care of'). To mom he just keeps going around and around about the economy and never ever says he is willing to pay any amount.

This is literally the most emotionally stressed I have felt about anything in a long time. And it's ridiculous really. I know. It is just an effing wedding. But it is my wedding, and I have always dreamed of having an elegant evening winter wedding where my Dad (ugggh- a whole different debate to be dealt with since there is a stepdad AND a dad, and stepdad was around more than dad when I was little) walks me down the aisle, and the reception has dancing and yummy food and lots of fun, and all my dearest friends are around and everything is just beautiful.

I don't even ask that it be lavish- I would really prefer simple- thus my desire to get married in the beautiful, albeit costly, Perkins Chapel. They don't allow any more than 3 flower arrangements in set locations and very minimal decoration. It is that gorgeous on the inside. I imagine the reception being fun with lots of dancing and hot hor'deouvres. No sit down dinner. No formal gown kind of event. But cocktail dresses and sportcoats. Elegant simple centerpieces and beautiful, tasty bride and groom cakes.

For this kind of fare, the lowball number CB and I came up with- and I am talking seriously lowballing it- it is just under 14 grand. OMMMMGGGGG. I just want to hide in a box. Then fly somewhere where I don't have to hear my parents argue about who is paying for what, and where I don't have to hear my dad talk about how little my wedding should really cost.

So while it is just a wedding. And it is still 14 months out. I can't bear the idea of my dad making every little decision that I want to make myself. I don't want him breathing down my neck, constantly reminding me of the fact that he is so unwilling to pay for his one and only daughter's wedding. It is not like he will ever have to do this again.

I want to get on a plane with CB, fly somewhere where I can't hear my parents argue, or my dad spieling about how much he doesn't think my wedding should cost more than 10 grand, nor does he want to pay that much, somewhere where it can be CB, myself, a witness and a pastor, and get married in peace.

But then again, that is not at all what I really want.

Things that help

My parents finally calmed down. Or at least calmed me down.

Remembering that I only have to do and/or think about one thing at a time.

Chatting to my Paris friend and having her get excited for me/with me- and knowing she would be painting my nails right now.

Wonderful emails from old friends filled with lots of encouragement and kind words : ) Love you LT.

Talking to CB and his soothing words.

Practicing signing my name with the new last name. (Definitely LOVE this one)

Contemplating eloping as a viable option.

Looking at my pretty ring.

Hearing my dad say that I can get married in the very expensive chapel that I really want to get married in- and that he and mom will hash out the cost.

Hearing my dad say that I don't have to have everything done now- that I should shop around and price everything, but that I don't have to have a set price limit now.

Hearing mom say that she is okay with that as long as they both pay their share.

... I am attempting to regain my optimism and excitement for the event rather than the dread, fear, anxiety and worry that I've had (NOT because of CB, only because of parents).

I do wish SB and CD were here with me though. That would make all this 4590749857435987 times more exciting and fun.

Engagement=not the best time of my life

CB is wonderful. Beyond wonderful. Patient, kind, encouraging, helpful, lovey. He is great. That part of engagement is spectacular.

Divorced parents? That part of engagement sucks.

Thus far I have felt more stress and cried more about getting married than I have been excited and giddy.

No one can agree how much we should allot for the wedding. Mom is busy talking about how Dad is cheap and won't pay his share. Dad is insisting that mom's amount is outrageous and unreasonable and flat out refuses to put up that much for this event.

I cry excessively. Mom is being too anxious, stressed and worried. She is also convinced that budging on the price tag means Dad is being cheap- not economical. Dad is being rigid and, to be honest, a tad cheap.

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG AND FIND EQUAL GROUND?!!?!?

Let the freaking out commence

Things I know for sure:

I am engaged
CB and I agreed that December 19, 2009 is the best (read: basically only feasible) day for us to get married.
That date is apprx. 14 months away.
I am a teacher.
I still have a lot of responsibilities to take care of with my job (duh.)
There is a LOT of stuff that goes into planning a wedding.
Weddings cost a LOT of monies.
Budgeting is not my strength. And I am dreading talking about it with my parents.
I just want to take a big nap.

I went and looked at wedding planning books today. They made me freak out. I had to walk away from them.

Who knew that so much random crap went into planning this day?

14 months, Lauren. 14 months.

Just find a location and take a deep breath.

Dear World,

I am officially engaged.

CB asked me this weekend on October 4 (that would be yesterday, actually).

I have been asked to include details about this, so I will dispense those details now.

This engagement business has been discussed between he and I for some time now, but I was not at all expecting it to happen this weekend (I had already set in my mind that it was probably going to happen at Christmastime).

So when we decided to go see the US National Arboretum I quickly brushed aside the eager thoughts in my head of, "ohhh, maybe it will happen!??"
We arrived there and spent a few hours just walking around and taking pictures of flowers and each other and other various things they had there. At one point he went to the bathroom- which is when he took the ring box from his camera bag (stored in the backpack he was carrying), and hid it in one of the pockets in his shorts.

After this break he suggested we walk up Mt. Hamilton, which is more of a hill, and see if we can find the spot where you are supposed to be able to see the Capitol building and the Washington Monument. I thought this was a great idea, and I was completely oblivious.

So we finally got to the top and I immediately set to taking pictures of the Capitol and the Monument- as if I really needed more- but these were from a long distance away. I was standing on a railing and he stood behind me, I figured so I wouldn't fall. Little did I know he was busy getting the ring box out of his pocket and holding it behind his back.

I jumped down and suggested we take pictures of ourselves with all the trees and gorgeous foliage in the background. He agreed and had to manage taking these pictures with me and holding the ring behind his back. When I was done, he bended down to set his backpack on the ground, but instead of coming back up, he proceeded to take to one knee.

I looked at him and couldn't stop saying, "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD." Then he pulled the ring box from behind his back and my "OH MY GOD"s got a little bit louder and quicker. He said something to the effect of (not the actual things he said, I am summarizing here- mostly because I only remember the first and last line of it all), "So I have you all the way out here in nature because I want to say that I love you so much, and it has been such a wonderful 23 months with you, and you are my companion, and will you marry me?"

He didn't get to say much actually because I couldn't stop saying, "OH MY GOD." I was all teary and I immediately said, "YES" over and over and fell to my knees and kissed him and hugged him, etc.

So there was that very happy moment. I am very pleased to say that in December 2009 I will be marrying a wonderful man, my best friend, whom I love very much.

The pictures above are the just after pictures and one of the ring. Rings are hard to photograph, fyi.

A few notes:

It is October.
That makes it officially Fall.
There is much to look forward to from here on out.
The Holidays. My favorite time of year.
My birthday is in less than 25 days.
I am finally approaching the quarter life mark.
I get to see one very wonderful CB this Friday.
I am slowly but surely getting through my mountain of papers to grade.
I got an eye infection yesterday. Neat.
BUT- because I have had said eye infection before, I have a selection of antibiotic drops to choose from. CB used his medical knowledge and medical textbooks to help me pick the right one.

And it worked.

I am sleepy.