About that 'parents getting better' statement...

I was mistaken.

They are not more agreeable, or compromising, or anything. They have simply- for less than 24 hours- removed me from the circle. Until mom called this afternoon and discussed how Dad still hasn't said how much his ultimate bottom line would be. Dad hasn't really committed to paying for any part of this.

I am starting to get the feeling that Dad does not truly want to pay for any part of my wedding, but knows he will look like an ass if he says so. In the meantime he is going to keep me and my mom running in circles to figure it all out until mom finally gives up and says, 'Fine. I'll pay.' It is so sad really.

To me, he insists me wants me to have a wonderful, classy wedding and that it will all be taken care of (take note that he did not say, 'and I will make sure it is taken care of'). To mom he just keeps going around and around about the economy and never ever says he is willing to pay any amount.

This is literally the most emotionally stressed I have felt about anything in a long time. And it's ridiculous really. I know. It is just an effing wedding. But it is my wedding, and I have always dreamed of having an elegant evening winter wedding where my Dad (ugggh- a whole different debate to be dealt with since there is a stepdad AND a dad, and stepdad was around more than dad when I was little) walks me down the aisle, and the reception has dancing and yummy food and lots of fun, and all my dearest friends are around and everything is just beautiful.

I don't even ask that it be lavish- I would really prefer simple- thus my desire to get married in the beautiful, albeit costly, Perkins Chapel. They don't allow any more than 3 flower arrangements in set locations and very minimal decoration. It is that gorgeous on the inside. I imagine the reception being fun with lots of dancing and hot hor'deouvres. No sit down dinner. No formal gown kind of event. But cocktail dresses and sportcoats. Elegant simple centerpieces and beautiful, tasty bride and groom cakes.

For this kind of fare, the lowball number CB and I came up with- and I am talking seriously lowballing it- it is just under 14 grand. OMMMMGGGGG. I just want to hide in a box. Then fly somewhere where I don't have to hear my parents argue about who is paying for what, and where I don't have to hear my dad talk about how little my wedding should really cost.

So while it is just a wedding. And it is still 14 months out. I can't bear the idea of my dad making every little decision that I want to make myself. I don't want him breathing down my neck, constantly reminding me of the fact that he is so unwilling to pay for his one and only daughter's wedding. It is not like he will ever have to do this again.

I want to get on a plane with CB, fly somewhere where I can't hear my parents argue, or my dad spieling about how much he doesn't think my wedding should cost more than 10 grand, nor does he want to pay that much, somewhere where it can be CB, myself, a witness and a pastor, and get married in peace.

But then again, that is not at all what I really want.