A breakthrough

I think moving away from my home area (I say home 'area' as opposed to home 'town' because I didn't really live in my hometown, but I did live only 30 minutes from it) is going to drastically improve my relationship with my family... my mother at least.

Don't get me wrong. I love my mother. Adore her. She is an excellent mother who has provided me with nothing but the best, and she is the absolute picture of a strong woman in my eyes. But have mom and I hang out for more than 6 hours straight? No way. We would start fighting. Possibly because we are both highly opinionated and I tend to have a bad temper and get easily annoyed. Whatever it is... we usually get irritated with one another and need a 'time out' from each other if we are around each other too long. Plus, my mom is a stickler for details and absolute cleanliness. I? Am not. I'm not a filth lover, I just don't find it necessary to dust the corners of the ceiling for cobwebs once a month. So sorry.

Hence my nervousness about mom visiting me down here in our new house. 1. It isn't fully unpacked. We are down to the last 10 boxes, literally, out of over 100. But still, not finished. 2. Up until we bought her a plane ticket, I hadn't cleaned anything except the toilets, which the management company left filthy and caked with nastiness. I had scrubbed those on my own accord because like I said, I don't love filth. The rest of the house though? Not yet cleaned. And 3. I just want it to be just right before mom visits, lest she find anything unacceptable.

So I spent yesterday attacking the house. I cleaned everything, and I vacuumed. I moved the boxes into a more out of the way location. I set up the guest room to look nice, though it is still not complete. And I sorted out some of CB's crap that was still everywhere. I must say, the house looked gooood when mom arrived. And, I am glad to say, she LOVED it. Thought I did an excellent job decorating and that the furniture looked perfect. She did give me some tips on how to clean some things, because she wouldn't be my mom if she didn't.

Unfortunately, CB was on-call yesterday with his surgical team (that is his current rotation: general surgery) so he had to stay all night at the hospital. Mom and I were left to our own devices and knack for arguing ALL night and even some this morning. And you know what? We didn't argue. Not once. We just had a good time enjoying each other's company and laughing. She shared stories about when she first learned how to drive a manual, which made me feel better because I was nervous she would be all critical or a nervous wreck riding in my car with me, the nervous new manual driver. She wasn't at all though. She told me about all the mistakes she made when she had one. It was so so so nice.

We talked about my new house and how I had decorated everything and where pictures could go once I started hanging them. We went out to eat and talked about CB and how excited I am to be married to him, and how we are even more excited about our wedding in December since we won't have a mess of paperwork and stressful crap to deal with. She shared that a friend of hers had told her that she had attended a wedding where the bride and groom were extra relaxed... when she pointed out that they were so calm and just appeared to be having such a good time and not anxious or a nervous wreck or anything, they explained that they had gotten married 3 weeks early just so they wouldn't have to be nervous about anything on their wedding day. I was glad my mom's friend told her that story, so she could know we are not the only ones in history to do this.

Basically, it was a really good time. We went to dinner and watched a movie back at the house. I was actually sad when she left today.

The distance? Really good for my mom and I's relationship. I think it makes us appreciate each other more, regardless of our differences and annoying similarities.

First Day Alone

CB is in the DC for a few days to start his 3rd year of medical school- then back here to begin the actual in-hospital work.

I should have a lot to say about the first few days of being married, but unfortunately, I don't. We got married and then I turned into a study machine to finish looking over stuff for my Latin Excet, which I took yesterday. Then, I got sick. Then, he had to leave to go to DC today. And that, my friends, is exactly what I've done since getting married.

Currently I am still sick. I have done exactly nothing today except lay on the couch and watch a Law and Order marathon (probably not so good since it may send me into paranoia mode when night falls), hoping that my excessive rest will help whatever virus I have to pass by.

If you were to ask me about the Excet, I would say that it was long, it was hard, and I have no idea how I did. I knew a lot of the stuff on there. But then again, there was some stuff that I had to do my best to make educated guesses. My mentor and friend, PR, tells me this: If I pass it, fantastic. Incredible, considering all I've done in the week before the test. If I don't pass? Whatever, I moved and got married and was getting sick while I was trying to take it. It's not like I'm failing out of something if I don't pass. I'll just study up and take it again.

I like her stance on the matter.

There is one teacher, whom I don't know, but I know a teacher who works with this teacher, who had to take it 3 times to pass it. In fairness to her, so you don't judge her and think she's an idiot, this is some seriously. seriously. seriously. difficult Latin. I am really hoping and praying that I passed, and there is a small part of me that feels like maybe I did, as there was a good bulk of questions that I KNOW I got right, another bulk of questions that I was confident about, but not certain, and then the minority of the three- the questions that I didn't feel confident about. Of these, there were only 30 or so out of 120. (Doesn't sound long right? And then you find out that they give you 5 hours to take it and it took me over half of that time to finish.)

If I don't pass, which I'm not ruling out yet, I know exactly what I need to do to study. I can't study anymore grammar. Grammar was not the issue. I knew all the grammar. What I need is to read Julius Caesar and Cicero (in Latin, of course). These were the two authors whose passages came up again and again on the test and on whose passages I tended to feel pretty weak.

We'll see in 3 weeks how it went.

As for being married? I am very slowly getting used to the titles "wife and husband." On the first day, CB kept calling me his wife in various circumstances, and while I am proud and happy to be such, it most definitely freaked me out to hear myself called that. I told him and he said we could slowly ease into referring to each other as that. Not that I want to be referred to as 'fiance,' or 'girlfriend' or anything else, I just need time to adjust to the thought of actually being someone's 'wife.'

And then today my mom asked me how the first time having my husband away was. Weird, mom. Weird. She laughed at me.

Another weird thing for me: NOT HAVING MY LAST NAME. I haven't had my driver's license changed yet, so when I was at the testing center yesterday everything was done under my old name. I miss my name. A lot is attached to a name. An entire identity, even. And now my old name, my old identity, isn't mine. I have a new name, and it makes me feel like I lost my identity in some weird way. My entire job centered on that old name: I was Miss C., not Mrs. B. I was LC. Not LB. Now, whatever new job I have, there will be a new name to come with me. It's surreal. Logically, I know this isn't true. I haven't lost any identity. I am still me. I am still the same person. But the name change throws me off.

Please don't mistake my ponderings and awkwardness about these marital things as doubts about whether I did the right thing, or some bad omen. I am a naturally anxious person. My chest got tight after CB proposed. I almost had a heart attack when I lived alone for the first time after college- I was a mess for 3 months. Change- BIG change- just freaks me out. And these are good changes. I don't stay up all night worrying about it. I know that in time, I will be used to being called CB's wife, and I will happily sign the name LB, and I will have little routines and traditions that are specific to where I'm at now.

I do miss my old life though. I miss my old apartment, and the crazy neighbors. I miss seeing my old last name in my mailbox. I miss students calling out, "Miss C.!!! Miss C.!!" I miss the fact that at this very moment I would be driving over to my mom's for Sunday dinner with my mom and my brother, his gf, and my stepdad. I miss calling my dad on any day of the week and asking if he wants to meet for dinner.

But I love this life too. I love this city. I love the house we live in. I love CB. I even am sort of fond of unpacking my old life and making it part of this life. I love this too, I just haven't fully settled in yet.

Pre-emptive thoughts on "living with another person"

Friday night I had my last gathering with my Latin teacher friends. There are 6 of us in total, and only one guy. After half left around 10pm, as they had obligations: babysitters to relieve, husbands to go home to, and one last stop to make before the end of the night, the remaining 3 of us sat around talking until midnight.

I talked about how much I hate packing, and how packing the kitchen was the worst. The worst part about packing isn't so much the actual packing though. It is the knowing and being very aware of the fact that in just a few days I will have to go through the hell of unpacking it all. I would much prefer it if I packed all this stuff and it was just sent to some alternate universe where I never have to see it again. I would live forever with my 5 t-shirts, 1 pair of jeans, 1 dress, 2 pairs of shorts, some underwears, and 3 pairs of shoes: flippies, running shoes, and some croc-y type slide on things. It would be bliss.

I told them how I made a deal with CB: he unpacks the kitchen, I'll be responsible for the entire upstairs region of the house. But then... I had hesitations about giving him such a monumental task as unpacking the kitchen. What if he put the dishes in a bad place? What if I was constantly coming by, suggesting that he change around everything he just did because I did not find it suitable? Maybe I should just unpack THE WHOLE HOUSE just so it could be to my liking? And that's when it hit me: I am going to be living with another person. Forever.

And this person? He may not like the dishes where I like the dishes. He may not want the bookshelves there, he may want them here. He may not want to arrange the study area, which we will share, in that way. He may not like how I decorate the living room (and, unlike most guys, he does have an opinion about such things.) OH MY GOD I HAVE FOUND THE ROOT OF MARITAL CONFLICT.

My friend PR was asking about our bookshelves, as between us we have a total of 6 bookshelves, all very full (As SB says, I have a book problem). 3 are short (his) and 3 are tall (mine). She wanted to know where we planned on putting these shelves. As I pondered the options, she suggested we put the short shelves downstairs in the living room.

My response: "But won't it be weird to have a bunch of medical books hanging out in the living where guests will like, sit?"

Her response: "Well, put your books on them."

My response: (blank stare) I never thought about that. I never thought about putting my books anywhere other than my bookshelves. Oh my gosh. Our books will mesh. Our shelves will mesh.

The problem, if you could call it that, is that the bulk of the furniture, accent pieces, decorations, kitchenware, etc. that is going to fill our new house is my stuff. It has always been mine, not ours. I have lived alone since freshman year of college. I am used to doing everything my way.

Really, I want to share all I have with CB. I want it to be ours and not mine. But, I realized Friday night that it will take a lot more adjusting than I previously thought. I will have to relinquish control and maybe let him decide where the best place to put the dishes is. I may have to share my bookshelves (gasp!).

One thing I won't have to share? The closet. He is giving the ENTIRE master closet space to me, willingly, before I could even ask. He is a good man.

As for the rest of it? It will take some getting used to, but I am prepared for it, and if there is one thing CB and I are pretty good at (most of the time) it is communicating and compromising. My dad (who is divorced from my mom, mind you) always says this about marriage: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married? I chose the latter.

The Final Week

Today marks the final countdown to moving day: June 22! 7 days and suddenly I'm living in a different city. My life is currently a mess... and by life... I mean my apartment. View:

For those who know me, you know what this used to look like. For those who don't, you should imagine boxes of shoes up to the ceiling all the way around those shelves. It took 4 large boxes and 2 wardrobe boxes filled with only shoes to get them all packed. Ugh.

My living room. Note the massive disarray of everything, the empty wall unit save the tv and dvd player, the boxes invading my space.

The dining room. Again, boxes invading my life, packed boxes, boxes waiting to be packing, packing materials all over.

The main location for packed boxes: in front of my formerly packed bookshelves.

Besides all the boxes, my life has been seriously overcrowded with extra furniture. My mom bought CB and I brand new bedroom furniture as a wedding gift. It is beautiful furniture (4 poster bed- the posts look like Roman columns, a huge new dresser, a new nightstand), but it cramps my bedroom which already has a dresser and nightstands, etc. Tomorrow I will have an extra couch- a beautiful one- but nonetheless, an extra one. I will have to basically cram it in my living room, and on Saturday? The final piece of my old bedroom furniture will be moved here from my mom's house. It has taken me two years to get it out of there. Oops. What am I doing with it you ask? Well, as my new house has 3 bedrooms all my old bedroom furniture is going in the guest bedroom, only the bed will be a queen size rather than my former twin.

So yea. Crowded apartment to say the least. I am going to warn the movers when they call to confirm on Thursday/Friday that really they should consider this a 2 bedroom apartment move. Luckily all this stuff means that we will perfectly fit into our new house. No empty rooms here! My mom has been incredibly generous, and CB's parents our providing us with a refridgerator. This means the only thing we have to buy when we get there is a washer and dryer. THANK YOU PARENTS. We love you.

In exciting news, I got to take home my wedding dress today. It is currently hanging in my bedroom, but I am bringing it to my mom's this Saturday to keep it until the wedding. I am so excited... I just want to wear it ALL the time. Want to see it?

This is all you get:

Inside that pink garment bag is my glorious dress. I cannot wait.

In the meantime, back to packing. I'm hoping to get all of my office area done today. That would be nice.

HOUSE PICTURES

OUR CUTE BOX HOUSE IN SA!

So now that we have signed a lease, I feel comfortable putting up some pictures of our house. Remember... we are leasing, not buying, so it's not perfect, but I do really love it. (The pictures seem to have posted backwards, sorry they aren't in any sensical order).

The guest bathroom (has a slight southwestern, ranchy flare):

The tub area in the master bath:

The utility closet/panty/laundry room (it keeps going to the right, but I didn't take a picture, annnd uhhh... other people's crap):

A portion of the kitchen, which I failed to get a better shot of:

Master bedroom (is HUGE, picture doesn't do it justice):

Master Bathroom:

The backyard deck area:

The backyard, or at least one half of it:

The dining room, and the kitchen is through that peephole area (PS: Other people's crap still in it at the time)

The living room (open to the dining room, and again, OTHER PEOPLE'S CRAP) And when you walk into the house, the stairs are in front of you and this area is immediately to the left:

In addition to all pictured here, there are 2 more bedrooms and one more bathroom. : )

I am pretty excited.