Shamelessly advertising myself

I have emailed so many schools over the past few months that I am beginning to feel like an incredible pest. Hi, read my cover letter and resume. Hi, read my application. Hi, do you have any Latin teaching positions available? Hi, I know I'm not certified, but I'm willing to get that way real quick.

No. No. No. NO. NO. I've heard a lot of that lately. Much more nicely though, because people in SA? They're really freaking nice overall. And if I haven't heard, "No."? Then I've heard nothing. Silence. The silence of being ignored. It's surreal. I think I'd rather hear, "No," than be ignored.

I set up an appointment with an alternative certification program today. The same one which helped me get my Latin EXCET exam set up (Yea, little did you know you have to be backed by a program to get in to take one of these tests... or at least have to promise that you WILL try to get into one once you've taken it).

Once I set up that appointment and filled out the program's application, I called the human resources woman of the school district who turned me down a long time ago to let her know my status. (She had actually requested that I let her know when I had taken the test, etc.). On her voicemail, I shamelessly advertised myself some more: Hi, remember me? You wouldn't/couldn't hire me because I wasn't in an alt. cert. program? Okay, well look! I've taken that uber important test! I am meeting with the alt. cert. program on Thursday! They consider me highly qualified! Do you have any other Latin positions available at this moment? (I happen to be in the know about one of their other high schools needing a Latin teacher.) Can you consider me now, please? Oh, and please let me shamelessly suck up while I thank you so much for putting me in contact with this program. I truly appreciate it. You can call me back at: xxx-xxx-xxxx. Thanks, bye!

Okay, so it was a lot better sounding when I actually left it. It was a composed, collected, cool voicemail. And I wasn't really trying to suck up by thanking her- I really am grateful for her help. But really? I felt like that was what I sounded like. Shamelessly advertising myself and continuously running after every last little lead I hear about... like a dog chasing bones.

In the meantime? I have been sleeping on the couch because CB is out of town and I am too afraid to sleep upstairs alone. Awesome.

First Day Alone

CB is in the DC for a few days to start his 3rd year of medical school- then back here to begin the actual in-hospital work.

I should have a lot to say about the first few days of being married, but unfortunately, I don't. We got married and then I turned into a study machine to finish looking over stuff for my Latin Excet, which I took yesterday. Then, I got sick. Then, he had to leave to go to DC today. And that, my friends, is exactly what I've done since getting married.

Currently I am still sick. I have done exactly nothing today except lay on the couch and watch a Law and Order marathon (probably not so good since it may send me into paranoia mode when night falls), hoping that my excessive rest will help whatever virus I have to pass by.

If you were to ask me about the Excet, I would say that it was long, it was hard, and I have no idea how I did. I knew a lot of the stuff on there. But then again, there was some stuff that I had to do my best to make educated guesses. My mentor and friend, PR, tells me this: If I pass it, fantastic. Incredible, considering all I've done in the week before the test. If I don't pass? Whatever, I moved and got married and was getting sick while I was trying to take it. It's not like I'm failing out of something if I don't pass. I'll just study up and take it again.

I like her stance on the matter.

There is one teacher, whom I don't know, but I know a teacher who works with this teacher, who had to take it 3 times to pass it. In fairness to her, so you don't judge her and think she's an idiot, this is some seriously. seriously. seriously. difficult Latin. I am really hoping and praying that I passed, and there is a small part of me that feels like maybe I did, as there was a good bulk of questions that I KNOW I got right, another bulk of questions that I was confident about, but not certain, and then the minority of the three- the questions that I didn't feel confident about. Of these, there were only 30 or so out of 120. (Doesn't sound long right? And then you find out that they give you 5 hours to take it and it took me over half of that time to finish.)

If I don't pass, which I'm not ruling out yet, I know exactly what I need to do to study. I can't study anymore grammar. Grammar was not the issue. I knew all the grammar. What I need is to read Julius Caesar and Cicero (in Latin, of course). These were the two authors whose passages came up again and again on the test and on whose passages I tended to feel pretty weak.

We'll see in 3 weeks how it went.

As for being married? I am very slowly getting used to the titles "wife and husband." On the first day, CB kept calling me his wife in various circumstances, and while I am proud and happy to be such, it most definitely freaked me out to hear myself called that. I told him and he said we could slowly ease into referring to each other as that. Not that I want to be referred to as 'fiance,' or 'girlfriend' or anything else, I just need time to adjust to the thought of actually being someone's 'wife.'

And then today my mom asked me how the first time having my husband away was. Weird, mom. Weird. She laughed at me.

Another weird thing for me: NOT HAVING MY LAST NAME. I haven't had my driver's license changed yet, so when I was at the testing center yesterday everything was done under my old name. I miss my name. A lot is attached to a name. An entire identity, even. And now my old name, my old identity, isn't mine. I have a new name, and it makes me feel like I lost my identity in some weird way. My entire job centered on that old name: I was Miss C., not Mrs. B. I was LC. Not LB. Now, whatever new job I have, there will be a new name to come with me. It's surreal. Logically, I know this isn't true. I haven't lost any identity. I am still me. I am still the same person. But the name change throws me off.

Please don't mistake my ponderings and awkwardness about these marital things as doubts about whether I did the right thing, or some bad omen. I am a naturally anxious person. My chest got tight after CB proposed. I almost had a heart attack when I lived alone for the first time after college- I was a mess for 3 months. Change- BIG change- just freaks me out. And these are good changes. I don't stay up all night worrying about it. I know that in time, I will be used to being called CB's wife, and I will happily sign the name LB, and I will have little routines and traditions that are specific to where I'm at now.

I do miss my old life though. I miss my old apartment, and the crazy neighbors. I miss seeing my old last name in my mailbox. I miss students calling out, "Miss C.!!! Miss C.!!" I miss the fact that at this very moment I would be driving over to my mom's for Sunday dinner with my mom and my brother, his gf, and my stepdad. I miss calling my dad on any day of the week and asking if he wants to meet for dinner.

But I love this life too. I love this city. I love the house we live in. I love CB. I even am sort of fond of unpacking my old life and making it part of this life. I love this too, I just haven't fully settled in yet.

The Actuality of 'Living with another person'

Today marks day 4 (I don't count moving day ...read on...) of living with CB. Today is the first day we have had internet or TV. Today is the day before my huge Latin test (vomit).

Today is my first full 24 hours of being married. Yesterday CB and I finally made it down to the courthouse to deal with the getting married legally business. I was a nervous wreck, CB was fine. It is just like us for me to get cold feet and him to be absolutely calm and resolute. The judge that married us was hilarious, and made the situation as exactly informal as I had wanted it to be. No fancy vows, no ring exchange (we did this later)... just a quick: Do you promise to take care of him whether he is good or bad? I do. And the same for her? To take care of her whether she is good or bad? I do. The end. Husband and wife. The judge kept making jokes and asked if he was ruining a great friendship by doing this. We laughed a lot, and then we had 2 absolute strangers sign as our witnesses. It was the most non-traditional thing I have ever done.

Afterwards I felt sad that our families weren't there to witness it, but there wasn't really anything to witness. Afterwards we went out in front of the courthouse, which was beautiful, and sat by the fountain and exchanged wedding bands. Mine is a super simple white gold band- for now. December will now be the most special, momentous occasion for us as there will be formal vows, a prettier diamond wedding band, family and friends to celebrate with and witness the occasion, a pretty wedding gown, and a handsome groom in a tux. It will be a wedding.

As of now, we are legally married. I have already gone to the social security office to change my name. CB will be taking a copy of the marriage license (which, by the way, had been dated wrong by the judge initially-July 25 instead of June 25. It has since been corrected.) back to DC this Sunday to turn it into the proper Army officials so I can begin the daunting task of getting a military dependent ID and insurance, etc. I don't plan on actually using the name for most things until December, except official paperwork, and my twitter I suppose.

The past 4 days have been a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. It is hard to write them all here so I will put them in list form below. They will be random and probably out of order but I will do my best to be coherent.

- OMG, why are the movers effing 2 hours late?!!?!

- Yay movers, for quilting all my furniture!

- Boo movers, for taking 6 hours to load my apartment and not finishing until 5 pm the day of my move.

- I just want to get to SA already.

- (upon walking into the house) OMG. CB's crap is everywhere. This is a mess.

- What did I just do? I just moved away from home. Why did I do that?

- I'm so effing broke.

- Ahh! I am not used to having someone pay for, quite literally, everything. Dates? Of course. But the rent? The new washer and dryer? The groceries? My life?

- Does this mean he owns me? (no!)

- I wish I had a job so I could help contribute to this financially.

- But I AM contributing. He pays for everything, but I freaking filled this entire house with everything in it.

- I still wish I had a job.

- I have the best fiance/husband ever. He makes such a good point when he talks about all the money being in one pot and us sharing it; it doesn't belong to just one of us.

- I still wish I had a job.

- OMG I am married. What did I just do? Freak out. Tight chest. Scary. This is forever. Please stop calling me 'wife'.

- I miss my last name.

- I am married. But it is okay, because this is CB you're married to. Could you be any luckier?

- You will get used to this. This= Living in a new city. Being away from home. Being married. A new last name. Living in a house. Sharing stuff.

- I just wish I could unpack everything all the way through until it's done. Effing Latin test.

Anyways, there is more. I will write more details later. Mostly, it will suffice to say that this has been one enormous week of change in my life and it freaks me out at least once a day.

Must go study Latin. Can't wait until that test is over.

It is finished

I am done packing. Aside from the sheets on my bed and the cleaning supplies and what I need to be hygenic for tonight and tomorrow am, I am done packing. And aside from the computer I type on as we speak.

I am 5 minutes away from turning this box off and putting it in another box, making it ready to go. The internetz people in San Antonio seem to not be able to come until Friday, but we'll try to make that sooner. Otherwise, I will be silent until then.

I will take lots of pictures. I cannot wait.

OMG. I am moving to San Antonio. To live with CB. To marry, legally, CB. OMG. OMG. OMG.

PS: I have a twitter now? Just two days ago I swore wouldn't get one and that I didn't need one to my brother. It took about 5 seconds of peer pressure from dear friend CD, and alas, here I am. My posts are set to private though, so unless I approve you, you can't follow. AND for fun I made the username my NEW name, which I won't have until next week, but whatever: LJBrooks07. Have at it.

Pre-emptive thoughts on "living with another person"

Friday night I had my last gathering with my Latin teacher friends. There are 6 of us in total, and only one guy. After half left around 10pm, as they had obligations: babysitters to relieve, husbands to go home to, and one last stop to make before the end of the night, the remaining 3 of us sat around talking until midnight.

I talked about how much I hate packing, and how packing the kitchen was the worst. The worst part about packing isn't so much the actual packing though. It is the knowing and being very aware of the fact that in just a few days I will have to go through the hell of unpacking it all. I would much prefer it if I packed all this stuff and it was just sent to some alternate universe where I never have to see it again. I would live forever with my 5 t-shirts, 1 pair of jeans, 1 dress, 2 pairs of shorts, some underwears, and 3 pairs of shoes: flippies, running shoes, and some croc-y type slide on things. It would be bliss.

I told them how I made a deal with CB: he unpacks the kitchen, I'll be responsible for the entire upstairs region of the house. But then... I had hesitations about giving him such a monumental task as unpacking the kitchen. What if he put the dishes in a bad place? What if I was constantly coming by, suggesting that he change around everything he just did because I did not find it suitable? Maybe I should just unpack THE WHOLE HOUSE just so it could be to my liking? And that's when it hit me: I am going to be living with another person. Forever.

And this person? He may not like the dishes where I like the dishes. He may not want the bookshelves there, he may want them here. He may not want to arrange the study area, which we will share, in that way. He may not like how I decorate the living room (and, unlike most guys, he does have an opinion about such things.) OH MY GOD I HAVE FOUND THE ROOT OF MARITAL CONFLICT.

My friend PR was asking about our bookshelves, as between us we have a total of 6 bookshelves, all very full (As SB says, I have a book problem). 3 are short (his) and 3 are tall (mine). She wanted to know where we planned on putting these shelves. As I pondered the options, she suggested we put the short shelves downstairs in the living room.

My response: "But won't it be weird to have a bunch of medical books hanging out in the living where guests will like, sit?"

Her response: "Well, put your books on them."

My response: (blank stare) I never thought about that. I never thought about putting my books anywhere other than my bookshelves. Oh my gosh. Our books will mesh. Our shelves will mesh.

The problem, if you could call it that, is that the bulk of the furniture, accent pieces, decorations, kitchenware, etc. that is going to fill our new house is my stuff. It has always been mine, not ours. I have lived alone since freshman year of college. I am used to doing everything my way.

Really, I want to share all I have with CB. I want it to be ours and not mine. But, I realized Friday night that it will take a lot more adjusting than I previously thought. I will have to relinquish control and maybe let him decide where the best place to put the dishes is. I may have to share my bookshelves (gasp!).

One thing I won't have to share? The closet. He is giving the ENTIRE master closet space to me, willingly, before I could even ask. He is a good man.

As for the rest of it? It will take some getting used to, but I am prepared for it, and if there is one thing CB and I are pretty good at (most of the time) it is communicating and compromising. My dad (who is divorced from my mom, mind you) always says this about marriage: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married? I chose the latter.

I am weary

I want packing to be over. I don't feel excited about moving or getting married or anything, because really all I can think about is how I keep needing effing more packing materials.

Here is my progress thus far. I didn't include the kitchen, as you can't really tell from pictures how I've packed every single breakable dish.

The dining room with all its boxes stacked around.

The office area/bar, all packed aside from items to donate and my box of Coca Cola.

The closet, empty of all clothes except a lone summer dress to wear to Father's Day dinner.

And the bulk of the boxes. That is most of my life, folks.

Here are also a couple shots of the super nice re-covered leather couch my mom has graciously donated to CB and I. It's covered in a purple blanket in the pictures above, as I do not want my dog ruining before I get to use it in my new house. I love it, though it looks raging splotchy here.

The back

The front

And CB finished his test. He said that it was obviously very difficult and that there were some he didn't know, but that he felt like he passed and that it's going to be okay. Now comes the waiting for the score (something like 4 weeks. Ugh.) Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and rabbit foot rubs, and well wishes, and Buddha belly rubs. Hopefully, they all worked.

Can this all just be over now? Can I be in our new house, unpacked, and laying on the most comfortable couch ever? Thanks.

DOOMSDAY HATH ARRIVETH

Today CB is taking the USMLE Step 1 (United States Medical Licensing Exam- Step 1 of 3). Today's test determines CB's medical school future and career. Today may possibly be the most important day of his life (aside from marrying me... duh : ) ).

If you are the praying sort, pray that he will remember all that he has studied over the past 5 weeks (not to mention the 2 years of coursework), approximately 11 hours a day. Pray that he will get the version of the test that has less Pharmacology and more Pathology. Pray that his nerves are calm. Pray that he is focused and can think clearly. Pray that he is overall calm. Pray that his text anxiety is enough to keep him on his toes and focused, but low enough that he doesn't blank out. Pray that he can remember the words- especially the drugs- and the differences between them. Pray that this goes better than any practice test he has attempted. Pray that he scores around a 200 or better.

If you are the finger crossing sort, cross your fingers.

If you are the lucky rabbit's foot sort, rub the rabbit's foot.

If you are the well wisher sort, wish him well.

If you are the good vibe sender sort, send over some good vibes.

If you are the Buddhist sort, rub Buddha's belly for him.

Whatever you are, please please please keep CB in your thoughts and prayers. I know he isn't dying, but this is life goal, his dream, his passion. I don't want him to lose his chance to achieve his goal. I don't want to see him devastated. I don't want to see his hard work, his hours of studying, his constant efforts to memorize so many things in such short time go to waste. I don't want to see his good heart, his kindness, his ability to work with people and help people feel better, his good clinical skills (because believe me, in this area he excels in school), his desire to help people, his desire to make a difference, what will eventually be a phenomenol bedside manner go to waste.

I often pray for God's will to happen in this situation. I know in my brain that whatever it outcome is, it is probably what was supposed to happen, but I cannot reconcile myself to the idea of CB not continuing medical school, not when it is what he so desperately wants to do and what I know he will be so good at. At the end of the day, whatever will be, will be, but in the meantime I am going to pray like hell that whatever will be, will be CB in medical school.

And if not? I will be proud of him. I will be proud of his hard work. I will be proud of his determination. I will more than anything be proud of his continuing positivity and perseverance in the face of what was one letdown, one beating, one disappointment after another. And I will stand by him and know that he has done his absolute best and given it his all, and I will never be ashamed.

But he deserves this. He deserves his chance at being a doctor. And when he gets there, you will be damn lucky to be his patient.

And the heart attack commences

I have spent so much money in the past 2 weeks I want to crawl under a rock.

My dog's potential parasite issue.

My cat's peeing on a pile of dirty clothes...

Annnd cat has a UTI. Mass amount of veterinarian costs.

My book problem. $100 dollars on books... at a used book store. Really?

Over $200 dollars for engagement photo prints.

Lots of money on boxes.

Money on packing materials.

Money on animal foods.

Money on human foods.

MONEY MONEY MONEY.

I feel like I'm drowning in expenses, and I can't wait to just shut my wallet for a good month or several.

Something is wrong in the universe

I read a lot of blogs. I empathize with the people whose blogs I read. I want to hug these people (in a very, very NON creepy, safe way). I wish I was good friends with a large chunk of them because they make me laugh, make me think, and make me want to have conversations with them.

But lately, the vast majority of my blog friends have been sad, down or depressed. It's not just one; it's several. And to add to this, CB has been having a hell of a hard time dealing with medical school (long story short: the student promotions committee recommended him for disenrollment for making a D in his 12 hour pharmacology course, though it is perfectly within the limits of the school's policies, though he has met all qualifications to continue onto 3rd year of medical school. Basically he now needs to do phenomenally well on his Step 1 test this Friday if he wants to stay in medical school. No pressure or anything.).

I know I don't know most of these people, aside from a couple, and those I do know I don't really ever hang out with in real life, but my heart aches for these people. I want to tell them all that it will all be okay in time (cliche), that there are people out there who don't even know them and still care about them and their well-being.

Something is wrong in the universe that so many people are hurting right now for all kinds of reasons.

Something is wrong in the universe that I only think just now that something is wrong in the universe because the people I happen to read are hurting, when really, thousands if not millions hurt everyday.

I wish someone would fix the universe.

The Final Week

Today marks the final countdown to moving day: June 22! 7 days and suddenly I'm living in a different city. My life is currently a mess... and by life... I mean my apartment. View:

For those who know me, you know what this used to look like. For those who don't, you should imagine boxes of shoes up to the ceiling all the way around those shelves. It took 4 large boxes and 2 wardrobe boxes filled with only shoes to get them all packed. Ugh.

My living room. Note the massive disarray of everything, the empty wall unit save the tv and dvd player, the boxes invading my space.

The dining room. Again, boxes invading my life, packed boxes, boxes waiting to be packing, packing materials all over.

The main location for packed boxes: in front of my formerly packed bookshelves.

Besides all the boxes, my life has been seriously overcrowded with extra furniture. My mom bought CB and I brand new bedroom furniture as a wedding gift. It is beautiful furniture (4 poster bed- the posts look like Roman columns, a huge new dresser, a new nightstand), but it cramps my bedroom which already has a dresser and nightstands, etc. Tomorrow I will have an extra couch- a beautiful one- but nonetheless, an extra one. I will have to basically cram it in my living room, and on Saturday? The final piece of my old bedroom furniture will be moved here from my mom's house. It has taken me two years to get it out of there. Oops. What am I doing with it you ask? Well, as my new house has 3 bedrooms all my old bedroom furniture is going in the guest bedroom, only the bed will be a queen size rather than my former twin.

So yea. Crowded apartment to say the least. I am going to warn the movers when they call to confirm on Thursday/Friday that really they should consider this a 2 bedroom apartment move. Luckily all this stuff means that we will perfectly fit into our new house. No empty rooms here! My mom has been incredibly generous, and CB's parents our providing us with a refridgerator. This means the only thing we have to buy when we get there is a washer and dryer. THANK YOU PARENTS. We love you.

In exciting news, I got to take home my wedding dress today. It is currently hanging in my bedroom, but I am bringing it to my mom's this Saturday to keep it until the wedding. I am so excited... I just want to wear it ALL the time. Want to see it?

This is all you get:

Inside that pink garment bag is my glorious dress. I cannot wait.

In the meantime, back to packing. I'm hoping to get all of my office area done today. That would be nice.

BOREDOM

As it turns out... even though I have so much to do, I am totally bored. My only cheif responsibilities for the next 2 weeks are packing my apartment and studying Latin for my test and I am SOOO bored. There isn't even anything on TV to entertain my brain while I mindless put stuff in boxes.

It is making me eat... a lot. Which is bad.

Ugh.

HOUSE PICTURES

OUR CUTE BOX HOUSE IN SA!

So now that we have signed a lease, I feel comfortable putting up some pictures of our house. Remember... we are leasing, not buying, so it's not perfect, but I do really love it. (The pictures seem to have posted backwards, sorry they aren't in any sensical order).

The guest bathroom (has a slight southwestern, ranchy flare):

The tub area in the master bath:

The utility closet/panty/laundry room (it keeps going to the right, but I didn't take a picture, annnd uhhh... other people's crap):

A portion of the kitchen, which I failed to get a better shot of:

Master bedroom (is HUGE, picture doesn't do it justice):

Master Bathroom:

The backyard deck area:

The backyard, or at least one half of it:

The dining room, and the kitchen is through that peephole area (PS: Other people's crap still in it at the time)

The living room (open to the dining room, and again, OTHER PEOPLE'S CRAP) And when you walk into the house, the stairs are in front of you and this area is immediately to the left:

In addition to all pictured here, there are 2 more bedrooms and one more bathroom. : )

I am pretty excited. 

And then things were looking up!

I am done. With my job. I moved out of my classroom. Entered all my grades. Monday I return my keys.  I am jobless. But I am not all that worried about it currently. 

There is time. I am a teacher, and sometimes jobs don't come up until right before school starts. And if one doesn't? I am going to be a tutoring MACHINE. Which is actually fairly lucrative. 

There is air conditioning in my car. And in my apartment. 

I started packing my apartment- granted- it's only 6 boxes right now, and an entire apartment to go... but hey, it's a start. 

My BFF and Maid of Honor (MOH), CD, and I chatted a few days ago. She is moving back to the states from Paris in JULY! YAAY! And we had good chats about my wedding. And life. And boys.

Today I hired a 'day of' wedding coordinator. Cool.

Mostly I am excited that 2 years and 5 days ago, CB and I had a conversation about long distance while we were driving back from Galveston, after having viewed the Battleship Texas. It went something like this:

me: So, uh, if we are going to do this... if we are going to be long distance... we have got to have some kind of plan. There has got to be a light at the end of the tunnel, because, well, I've done this before and it sucks. It needs to have a definite plan for an end.

CB: Well, I guess I always kind of assumed that, uh, well... Medical school is funny, because the first 2 years are strictly academic, in the classroom, and the last 2 are clinical clerkships in hospitals, and we can go almost anywhere for those. Well, I guess I figured that once 2nd year was over you would come with me wherever I go for 3rd year. 

me: Well. You know I am not leaving my entire life behind- my family, a good job, and my friends- unless I have a very pretty ring on my finger. I just can't do it. 

CB: Yea, I know that. Of course. That's fine. 

me: Okay. So I guess that's it then. 2 years long distance and then no more. 

CB: Yea.

me: UGH 2 years is a long time. What if we don't make it? What if we are horrible at this?... (a plethora of other worries)

CB: It will be fine. We will be fine. We will work super hard and communicate well and we will see each other as often as possible and it will work.

(2 YEAAAARS AND 22 DAYS LATER)(AKA: 17 days from now)

Moving into our house in San Antonio. : )

ANNNND, CB not only passed pathology... his grade RAISED because he did so well on the final shelf exam. Yea. That's right. He is awesome.

LASTLY,

this really difficult Latin exam I have been stressing about. I did a the first 2 sections of a practice test last night, and I only missed 5. And they were all centered on the same concept- which means if I can really get that concept down, I will be awesome.

And I mastered this process called "scansion,"  which in Latin means reading a line of poetry (in Latin) and figuring out the proper pronunciation of the line via long syllables and short syllables. It involves dactyls and spondees and funny markings. That may mean nothing to you, but I have been so freaking excited about it since last night. I can't get over it. I want to scan excessive lines of Latin poetry and get everything right because it feels so good. 

For the next 2.5 weeks:

Excessive packing

Reading Latin/practicing Latin/scansion!/taking practice tests

Working out, because I need it, badly

The End. 

What I have been doing lately

I have been sweating. A lot. Broken AC in the car... broken AC in my apartment for one night. I have been uncomfortable for days. I have felt unhappy due to my discomfort, which made me feel bad, because really? I have a lot to be grateful for. 

I have been contemplating my impending 'broke-ness.' Once the AC repair in my car is paid for, and my move is paid for, I will have approximately 0 dollars. I trust it will all work out, but I hate not contributing. CB has the monies to pay the rent, bills, etc. BUT I WANT TO CONTRIBUTE. Must get on advertising myself as a tutor in SA... asap. Nevermind just finding a job ASAP. 

I have been feeling tight in my chest about having to pack this ENTIRE apartment... and having to study a crapload of Latin for a test I have to take in apprx. 3 weeks. EEEEEK.

I have been feeling sad that I am not more excited about getting married in apprx 2-ish weeks, because I have been so distracted and distraught by the above 3 points. 

CB and I sympathized with one another last night. I told him on the phone, "I just don't feel happy right now. About anything... because all I can think about is how effing hot and uncomfortable I am ALL THE TIME, and how I am going to have no monies, and how I have so much crap to do in the next month." 

His response was very kind laughter and, "I don't feel happy right now either. We only have 5 weeks to study for this test (STEP 1 of the USMLE test (United States Medical Licensing Exam)... there are 3 steps... step 1 is an 8 hour test covering the entire first 2 years of med school- think MCAT, but way worse), whereas other schools get 2 whole months to study for it. There is no feasible way to cover everything. But think of it this way: the next month or so is going to suck for the both of us, but then, after that first week, everything will smooth out and get better (both our tests will be over, we will be moved into our house, we will be married, and hopefully, we will have air conditioning all around). We will be happy like hippos."

CB always says it so well. 

My timeline:

ALL school related work (grades, cleaning out classroom, prepping classroom for summer) done by: June 5

PACKING AND LATIN STUDYING EXTRAVAGANZA: June 6-June 21

MOVING DAY: June 22

GET MARRIED LEGALLY DAY: June 23

STUDYING HARDCORE EXTRAVAGANZA: June 24-27

Latin EXCET: June 27

Unpacking and relaxing: June 28 and beyond