I LOVE March, Friends, and and update on CB and medicine

So, I have been more than absent lately, and for that you have my apologies.

I got out of the post-wedding, disgruntled blues, and hey- I made friends! Yay friends! Since then, well, I've been busy and have neglected not just this blog, but my computer in general. I live on my iphone. Lame, I know.

It's March now, and let me tell you guys. I LOVE March. I do. I love it because it brings Spring, it brings Spring Break, it brings 3 months or less until Summer, it brings sunshine and flowers and I LOVE sunshine and flowers. March is like one big Friday, and if you know me, you know I dearly love Fridays.

Let me catch you up on life prior to March.

I became friends with some of the people I work with at school, which has been extraordinarily nice since I have been lonely here in this city for awhile. With one of them, I drink margaritas, eat good food, play iphone games, and generally chat it up. With another, I drink wine and limoncello (because her husband makes it in their pantry- hilarious), eat really good homemade food, talk about history and classical studies and generally chat it up. With yet another, I randomly stop by her office, chat it up, complain about minor things, and see her updates to her new house. I like all of these people very much. Though it may seem kind of silly to be so excited about new friends, I have no regrets being so excited because it is not often you find people you CAN be friends with. I mean, high school and college are where most of us find our friends we keep for life, and while that is spectacular and amazing, we don't get to take those friends everywhere we go. Therefore we must learn to make new ones. I am so happy I have.

I have been sick. Twice now. And I am getting a little sick of it.

I have written dozens of thank-yous and yes, I am still writing and really hoping people aren't cursing that one bride who hasn't written them a thank-you yet. I am working on people. I really am. I have a process. Parent's friends first. Family next. Then close personal friends and co-workers. Parent's friends first because they tend to be the most old school and grouchy about it. But I promise. You are getting your thank-yous. Besides, I have heard there is a 3 month window, and it has only been 2 months. I have also heard a year window. I like that one, but don't want people to get angry at me.

I have been helping my husband choose a specialty in which to do his residency. He would be a phenomenal surgeon, let me tell you. He has surgeon's hands. You should really see them, they're beautiful. His undergrad degree is in mechanical engineering, which means, really, that he loves to take things apart and put them back together. And he's good at it (unless of course, it's the brakes on his car and it is the night before his internal medicine clerkship and he is still working at 11pm and is having complications... but that is a whole other story). He was fascinated and intrigued by surgery and by all accounts, he should definitely go for surgery. But. Then again. He's married. And wants children. And wants to do some of the things his dad did for him (he has a wonderful father). To which I respond: I will support you in whatever you end up doing, I will. But you need to realize that should you choose surgery, you don't get to be that kind of dad for a long time. And you will be absent. A lot. Especially for the first several years. So if you choose this, I will love and support you, and miss you a lot, as will any children we have in the future. Surgery is hardcore medicine and I do not want to be the reason he misses out on it, but at the same time, sacrifices have to come from somewhere and those sacrifices will be all of his time and energy.

So that left internal medicine and family medicine. Internal medicine bores him slightly. He does not like seeing the same age group or type of patient over and over, which in this case is 60+. But family medicine, in the military? Now that is slightly different. Family medicine in the Army means working daily with the soldiers and their families. It means developing a relationship with them. It means getting to do minor procedures like removing toenails and small cysts. It even means doing gyn exams (his least favorite of all these options). It means good hours and having a family outside of medicine. It means seeing commonplace illnesses and fascinating weird stuff. It means he has the potential to be attached to a unit and serve as the medical advisor for all those men and women. It means he will get to do medicine, and love medicine, and no it's not the hardcore kind, but it's the meaningful kind and that is what matters to him. So that is his unofficial, official decision. This summer and fall he will interview for residencies and we will know in December where Family Medicine will take us.

Oh yea, and to those on the student promotions committee who had such little faith in him, here are just a a few of the comments made about CB concerning his rotations:

During his cardio-thoracic surgery clerkship, "C has operated on the level one would expect of an intern and will undoubtedly become a fine physician."

"C was mature, organized, and successful in all settings. Perhaps one of his greatest strengths is his ability to adapt and to take feedback well."

In the clinic, it was noted that he had "good rapport with families, was very personable, and accepts feedback well."

"a dedicated team member with good follow through on patients and often volunteered to take on extra, complicated patients."

And that is just a few. I am so so so proud of him. Clinical settings were exactly what he needed to prove himself, and he has said so many times over that he has learned infinitely more while working with patients than he did from the classroom.

They definitely like him in the hospitals, that's for sure.

More frequent updates to come. Now that it's March, I am in a much better mood.

Nostalgia and a love story

Being a history major and what not, I have always LOVED looking back at the past. My past. Your past. Any past really. I think it is important for understanding the present. 

In the midst of the school year, under stress and what not, I tend to focus explicitly on the present. I don't think about my ever so awesome college days (have I mentioned that those years were possibly some of the best of my life?... I am quite sure this will remain true until I die). I don't think much about my high school days. Actually, that is kind of a lie. I think about my high school days when trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with kids these days and OMG did I ever act like that/do that/think that/say that? The answer is probably yes... but still. I am older and slightly wiser now. I hope. 

Today, when moving around some stuff in my apartment to make room for my NEW bedroom furniture, courtesy of my mother as her wedding gift to CB and I (way early, yea, but we had to get it now or it would be gone in 6 months!), I stumbled across a box of notes, cards and letters ranging from high school to sophomore year of college. There were notes from friends, notes from old boyfriends, a journal I kept from 1999-2000 (HAAAA) and some serious love letters from an old college boyfriend. I read the letters, not because I miss this person or have any remnant feelings for him, but because I was interested to remember what this person had to say to me. 9 pages. 9 pages of why I should not be dating someone else (I was at the time). Of why he loved me. The letter was beautifully written, and were I not completely and totally in love with my husband to be, I would be completely, without a doubt moved to tears by this letter (I wasn't however, because I am completely and totally in love with my husband-to-be). This person wrote in the most eloquent fashion things every girl longs to hear about herself. Things every girl longs to have said to her in the first place.

This pushed my mind further into nostalgia to remember what went wrong, and why such a beautifully written, heartfelt, heart-wrenching letter could not change it. And why CB and I seem so suitably matched with one another, though he has never written me such an eloquent letter in his life, nor described me in such an eloquent, beautiful way. 

The answer is this: Things went wrong with the exquisite writer not because he is a bad person, or because he was bad to me... they went wrong because we probably should not have been together in the first place. He was/is brilliant, motivated, cute in his own way... but I never had feelings for him the way I did for CB the minute I found out he liked me. When I found out this person liked me... I was curious, but not excited. I was interested, but not dying for him to ask me out. Our first date was awkward and I was wishy-washy for months. We were on again, off again, and it wasn't until he blew me off that I became really interested. It sucks really. Because we both had to go through a lot of pain in the end because I forced something I wasn't even sure about.  He was such a beautiful writer and I am honored he wrote such things to me, though it was never meant to be.

CB? CB writes notes to me in crayon. He purposely, and sometimes not so purposely, mispells words and we use silly words to talk to each other. CB draws me picture books with hippos, because (don't ask) we have somehow managed to make this our nickname for each other.  CB sends me fake 'bills' in the mail, billing me 10,000 kisses, just so I will have something other than junk mail to open and I will have something to make me smile. CB has never written me a letter telling me that I am the most honest person he has ever known, and that I make him smile more than anyone ever has. Nor has he told me that I make his heart burn with love for me. When he proposed, he never said that he has never known someone more beautiful, more passionate, more caring, etc. etc. He simply said, "You are my love and my companion." 

CB has never written me eloquent love letters, but CB and I are more suited to one another than anyone I have ever known. CB and I happened upon each other. Finding out that CB liked me/was going to ask me out was a complete and utter surprise. When I was informed of this, I was giddy. CB? Really??! I asked. CB was hootttt. CB was so smart. CB was responsible. CB could have intelligent conversations with me. CB was fun. CB was a good, kind person. CB was the perfect guy- and I had told this to a friend of mine when I was trying to hook HER up with him the year before (CB and I were friends for some time before any of this). Not that the eloquent writer wasn't any of these things, but something was just... missing. 

I eagerly waited for CB to ask me out. We went on a non-date date and my heart was jumpy. We stayed up till 3 am several nights in a row talking about anything and everything- school, faith and God, our pasts, the future, our goals, etc.- and awkwardly shifting because OMG is he going to kiss me EVER? When he did finally kiss me I was all jittery. We spent 7th months finishing college together. Seeing each other daily. Waiting for each other to finish classes. Hanging out in each other's dorm rooms. Eating dinner in the cafeteria together. Walking each other to class. Driving around our city on beautiful days. He was my instant best friend and companion. 

One day we left the cafeteria at lunch, grabbing our usual fortune cookies from the massive basket. He opened his but there was no fortune. I opened mine, and finished eating the cookie and threw away the wrapper before I would read it (I am superstitious in that way... it won't come true otherwise : ) ). I stood there with my fortune reading, "The love of your life is right in front of your eyes." CB asked me what my fortune was; I looked up and it was him. 

I don't need eloquently written love letters. I don't need to be described in a way that girls only dream of. Crayon love notes and hippo books will do me just fine for the rest of my life, because eloquent letters aren't needed when the love and admiration and respect is understood between you with a smile, or a look, or a silly lovey comment, or just holding hands and taking a walk. 

Best Friends, Wedding dresses, and San Antonio

Those are the 3 biggest things occurring in my life in the past week or so.

My very best friends on the planet, my CO-maids of honor (seriously), flew into town 2 Thursdays ago. They waited all day for me to get out of school, and then they made a sneak attack on my classroom. I wasn't in there, buuut that's okay, because when I came walking up to my room they turned around and it was one of the best surprises of my life. I was as surprised, if not more surprised, than I was when CB proposed (I mean- that was a HUGE surprise and big life moment, but I knew it was coming at some point... my bff's coming into town was completely unexpected). There is a video of them surprising me, but I do not have it in my possession so I cannot post it. If we are friends on the facebook you can look at it there. 

They had gotten me Friday off work. Subs had been arranged for all my classes. I was going to play hookey to hang out with my pals from Paris, France and Florida. Basically it was awesome. They had shirts made for the occasion:

As for my 'diet' and workout plan... it was spoiled for that weekend, but it doesn't really matter when something like this comes along. So all the surprises they had planned were as follows:

Lunch at On the Border on Friday, aka: margaritas at 11:45 am.

Mani/Pedi party

Dinner at the fanciest restaurant I know... seriously. The Old Warsaw. A-mazing. We dined on escargo, crab cakes, lobster bisque, salmon, swordfish, veal, chocolate souffle and complimentary champagne. It makes my belly growl just writing it.

That all was on Friday. Saturday was reserved for WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING! EEEEE! I had been putting off dress shopping all along because I didn't have my best friends to go with me, I was afraid I wouldn't find something I liked, I was afraid to look at the pricetags, etc. But now with two whores (not literally, fyi) I couldn't avoid it.

They took me to two places. I thought I had found THE dress at the first place, but then in the snotty, crowded second place I happened upon a beautiful, unlikely choice and it ended up being perfect. I ordered it last Wednesday. 

That night they took me to see Bride Wars (great movie if you are getting married and don't feel like watching a movie with a deep meaning. It was cute). 

Lastly, on Sunday, we went to lunch at a yummy eatery place and then had our Second Annual SMU photoshoot. Basically that is where all of us met, so we have gone back there for the past two years in January and taken pictures all over campus together. We plan on making it a yearly tradition. Next years will have to come early though, as we will all be together in December for a certain wedding! : )

It was the best time I have had since I have become engaged. Not that I don't love being engaged to CB, because I do, but being engaged has brought on so much family strife that I have to deal with almost on a bi-weekly basis, and I have cried more since being engaged than I have in a long time. Again, not because of CB, but because of my family and because I hadn't had my dearest friends here to celebrate. Their surprise weekend was exactly what I was needing and I am so incredibly grateful for them Thanks whores. I love you both. 

The next week was good because I finally caught up with grading and what not, and CB got his official assignment for his first medical rotation. Let me explain:

3rd and 4th year of medical school consists of 6-8 week clinical rotations through all different medical specialties. Basically the general areas which one might go into for their residency. Because CB is in the military, and attends a medical school which is owned by Congress, he does those rotations in any number of military hospitals around the country, with a few participating civilian hospitals. He and I have been pulling for a certain hospital in a certain city in south Texas, and because his lottery number (how they assign the spots and locations) was good for this first rotation, he got his first choice. So it looks like he will be doing General Surgery. Happpy!!!!!

Now for the other bit: I will be relocating in June to be with him, as our 2 years of long distance are up. When we started this long distance, we agreed that 2 years was our maximum limit. No longer than 2 years. I am so relieved those 2 years are over as well, I don't know that I could've done much longer. I would have if I had to, but I don't have to. I told him from the very beginning that I would not relocate if we weren't engaged either- not trying to pressure him, but being very clear that I was not going to pick up my life and leave a good job unless I had good reason. Obviously, this came way sooner than the 2 year long distance mark. As such... I am currently looking for a J.O.B. in San Antonio... if anyone knows anyone looking for a Latin teacher down there, let me know. 

So that is all my happy news. I love my friends. I love my wedding dress. And I can't wait to move.