Wishing for other people's lives

These days, with things like Facebook and blogging, I have found it has become so easy to be envious of other people's lives- their stuff, their marriages, their everything. It has become so easy to focus on what other people have that we think we don't.

For instance, I look at Facebook at some of my old friends who are married now, and I am envious because their husbands are home. Everyday. Around 5pm. They are done with work and can spend time with their wife and family, should they have one. I am envious because my husband and I do not get that privilege. Currently, I do not get that privilege because CB is back in DC, working on internal medicine. I haven't seen him in 4 weeks, and he won't be back home until April. When he is here, I do not get that privilege because CB works long hours, and sometimes is on-call for 24 hours or more, and sometimes only gets one day off a week and that may not be the weekend. And then when he is here? Sure, we spend time together, but then, he has to study. When CB gets "home" from DC, he will then only be home on the weekends, as he will drive up to another military base in our state and spend the weeks there working on Family Medicine. I often wonder what it would be like to have him come home every day, around 5pm, and be home on the weekends. So easy, to look around and be jealous.

But I have to remind myself: You knew. You said, "Yes. I will stay with you even though we will be long distance for 2 years. Yes. I will marry you knowing fully that you are in medical school and have a long road of long hours in front of you. Yes. I will marry you knowing that you are in the military and that may take you away for weeks and months at a time. Yes. I will marry you." I knew that he would be away for parts of his 3rd and 4th years of medical school. I definitely knew that learning and training to be a doctor is not an easy path and that he would have some weeks of good hours and some weeks of hell. I knew, and so it is not fair that I am jealous.

I also know that one day he will come home at 5pm, and not have to travel all over the US to different military hospitals for clerkships for weeks at a time. I know that he has chosen a specialty (99.9% sure of what he wants to do) that will allow him to have a regular family life. It will not take him away suddenly for a medical emergency (mostly). I know that he will be around one day, home at 5pm, ready to eat dinner and spend time with our family. In the meantime, I must try to be happy for my friends, and patient with CB and I's situation, knowing that it will all come out even in the end.

I LOVE March, Friends, and and update on CB and medicine

So, I have been more than absent lately, and for that you have my apologies.

I got out of the post-wedding, disgruntled blues, and hey- I made friends! Yay friends! Since then, well, I've been busy and have neglected not just this blog, but my computer in general. I live on my iphone. Lame, I know.

It's March now, and let me tell you guys. I LOVE March. I do. I love it because it brings Spring, it brings Spring Break, it brings 3 months or less until Summer, it brings sunshine and flowers and I LOVE sunshine and flowers. March is like one big Friday, and if you know me, you know I dearly love Fridays.

Let me catch you up on life prior to March.

I became friends with some of the people I work with at school, which has been extraordinarily nice since I have been lonely here in this city for awhile. With one of them, I drink margaritas, eat good food, play iphone games, and generally chat it up. With another, I drink wine and limoncello (because her husband makes it in their pantry- hilarious), eat really good homemade food, talk about history and classical studies and generally chat it up. With yet another, I randomly stop by her office, chat it up, complain about minor things, and see her updates to her new house. I like all of these people very much. Though it may seem kind of silly to be so excited about new friends, I have no regrets being so excited because it is not often you find people you CAN be friends with. I mean, high school and college are where most of us find our friends we keep for life, and while that is spectacular and amazing, we don't get to take those friends everywhere we go. Therefore we must learn to make new ones. I am so happy I have.

I have been sick. Twice now. And I am getting a little sick of it.

I have written dozens of thank-yous and yes, I am still writing and really hoping people aren't cursing that one bride who hasn't written them a thank-you yet. I am working on people. I really am. I have a process. Parent's friends first. Family next. Then close personal friends and co-workers. Parent's friends first because they tend to be the most old school and grouchy about it. But I promise. You are getting your thank-yous. Besides, I have heard there is a 3 month window, and it has only been 2 months. I have also heard a year window. I like that one, but don't want people to get angry at me.

I have been helping my husband choose a specialty in which to do his residency. He would be a phenomenal surgeon, let me tell you. He has surgeon's hands. You should really see them, they're beautiful. His undergrad degree is in mechanical engineering, which means, really, that he loves to take things apart and put them back together. And he's good at it (unless of course, it's the brakes on his car and it is the night before his internal medicine clerkship and he is still working at 11pm and is having complications... but that is a whole other story). He was fascinated and intrigued by surgery and by all accounts, he should definitely go for surgery. But. Then again. He's married. And wants children. And wants to do some of the things his dad did for him (he has a wonderful father). To which I respond: I will support you in whatever you end up doing, I will. But you need to realize that should you choose surgery, you don't get to be that kind of dad for a long time. And you will be absent. A lot. Especially for the first several years. So if you choose this, I will love and support you, and miss you a lot, as will any children we have in the future. Surgery is hardcore medicine and I do not want to be the reason he misses out on it, but at the same time, sacrifices have to come from somewhere and those sacrifices will be all of his time and energy.

So that left internal medicine and family medicine. Internal medicine bores him slightly. He does not like seeing the same age group or type of patient over and over, which in this case is 60+. But family medicine, in the military? Now that is slightly different. Family medicine in the Army means working daily with the soldiers and their families. It means developing a relationship with them. It means getting to do minor procedures like removing toenails and small cysts. It even means doing gyn exams (his least favorite of all these options). It means good hours and having a family outside of medicine. It means seeing commonplace illnesses and fascinating weird stuff. It means he has the potential to be attached to a unit and serve as the medical advisor for all those men and women. It means he will get to do medicine, and love medicine, and no it's not the hardcore kind, but it's the meaningful kind and that is what matters to him. So that is his unofficial, official decision. This summer and fall he will interview for residencies and we will know in December where Family Medicine will take us.

Oh yea, and to those on the student promotions committee who had such little faith in him, here are just a a few of the comments made about CB concerning his rotations:

During his cardio-thoracic surgery clerkship, "C has operated on the level one would expect of an intern and will undoubtedly become a fine physician."

"C was mature, organized, and successful in all settings. Perhaps one of his greatest strengths is his ability to adapt and to take feedback well."

In the clinic, it was noted that he had "good rapport with families, was very personable, and accepts feedback well."

"a dedicated team member with good follow through on patients and often volunteered to take on extra, complicated patients."

And that is just a few. I am so so so proud of him. Clinical settings were exactly what he needed to prove himself, and he has said so many times over that he has learned infinitely more while working with patients than he did from the classroom.

They definitely like him in the hospitals, that's for sure.

More frequent updates to come. Now that it's March, I am in a much better mood.

Oops, I fell off the face of the earth

So, last I posted was, umm, Sept 29. And you will notice the above date says it is, um, Oct. 14.

So much for recording a positive and negative item every day, but rest assured, I have mentally noted them.

Basically planning a wedding and teaching 9 classes and coaching cheerleaders has consumed all my time. Oh, and somewhere in there, I am actually married. But it's all good.

I have nothing fabulously interesting to record right now either, except that I turn 25 in a week and a half and that officially makes me an "Adult" and not a "young adult." In my world at least. Getting a real job didn't. Getting married didn't. Living in a house didn't. But geez- TWENTY-FIVE. If I live to be a hundred then a quarter of my life has passed me by already.

What a sobering thought. I can't get any of those years back. Granted, some I would not like to have. The Past can keep them, but there are many days and years which I would like to live again- just to relive the good moments, good times, important moments, life-changing moments.

For instance:

In the nearer Past, I would like to relive the day CB asked me to marry him. What a glorious day that flew by and now all I have left to cherish is my memory of it. And a ring. And a marriage. But whatever, it would be nice to have the day to do again too. Just for fun. You spend your whole life anticipating this one moment, and then it's gone. Forever.

I would like to relive driving around town one winter day in high school when the roads were slightly icy. I was with my cheerleading friends and we were going to the library to work on a research paper. We sang loudly and badly in my 1986 Mercedes 190E which had a trunk you had to sit on to unlock it and a cooling fan you had to unplug when it was parked and not running lest you run the battery down.

I would like to relive getting accepted to college.

I would like to relive my freshman year of college with my fabulous roommate SB, who has become my friend for life. And yes, whore, I would even like to relive taking you to the hospital when you had mono. Though I am confident you would not relive that year like I would.

I would like to relive cheering with my high school cheerleading squad in competitions and being so phenomenally good at stunting with my stunt group. We were amazing. Not even lying.

I would like to relive senior year of college. Over and over. I mean, the first part was a bit rough, what with a messy breakup and all. But the months that followed? Heavenly. It was a lot of work, but man, I loved school. I loved hanging out with my friends. I loved being an RA. I started to date CB. I got a real job in January, months before I graduated.

I would NOT like to relive, however, the summer after graduation. I cried. All the time. I mourned my college career. I mourned being in the same city with CB. I worried. I felt lonely. I was a mess.

But these past two, now two and half years? Have been excellent overall, if I do say so myself. Not that there hasn't been "bad" because there has. But I have learned a lot.

There were moments in that summer after I graduated from college that I thought to myself, "Eff. The best years of my life are over now."

And moments after CB and I got married that I thought, "Eff. Now what do I have to look forward to? (besides the actual wedding) All the big stuff is over now."

But, life keeps surprising me, and I keep trying to be hopeful that there are many more exciting moments to come. After all, the pinnacle of life can't be in the first 25 years can it? I sure hope not. How depressing.

Brief middle of the week words

Yesterday's good thing: ?....?....? I mean, it's not that everything was bad... it is just that I can't think of any good.

Today's good thing: I finished my lesson plans for next week... EARLY! They are due by end of tomorrow and I finished them today!!

My issue is this lately:

I leave school every day, good or bad day, and reminisce on what it was like to teach older kids and how much I miss older kids. And then I end up asking myself: Why am I teaching young kids? What on earth is my purpose here? Do I need to be teaching this young of age group? I must be here for a reason... but what is it?

And so far my answers have come up something like this: ....uhh.... ?????

So right now? I am praying for the answer to WHY on earth I am teaching 3rd-5th graders when I feel so clearly cut out for middle school/high school.

Meanwhile, I like driving my car fast. And CB and I finally caught up on housework. We scrubbed our house and our cars clean this weekend. It was heavenly. I did no schoolwork but I live in a mighty clean house lately.

Good News

gYAY! The board reviewed CB this morning and reversed their previous decision. CB GETS TO STAY IN MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!They said that they are very very happy with his Step 1 performance and the rest of his 2nd year grades (which they hadn't seen when they evaluated him in June) and they think he will have a successful 3rd year. He is on probation but as long as he has a successful 3rd year and passes Step 2 (next summer) he will come off of it before 4th year.

Thank you for your prayers and good vibes. Thank you, God, for your grace and answered prayer.

2 Months of being Married

Today marks 2 months of officially being married to CB.

What did I think about when I first woke up this morning?

I turn 25 exactly 2 months from today. I realized, oh, 4 hours later that it is ALSO the 2 month marker. I'm an awesome wife.

Thoughts on the first 2 months?

Well, living in a house with someone else is a lot of work. And compromise. Or you do neither and you end up with a pile of dishes in the sink and you don't do laundry for 3-ish weeks. Luckily, neither CB nor I are extreme sticklers for having everything look perfect all the time. Thank you God. Our house isn't nasty by any means. But yea, laundry takes a back seat. We forget to take out the trash to the road EVERY SINGLE WEEK. BOTH TIMES. And then, one of us finally remembers the day before and we end up with Trash City at the end of our driveway. Seriously. Trashiest neighbors on the block. In that respect. We just took the trash to the road last night for the first time in say, 2 weeks? Maybe 3? (Note: We do indeed take the trash out of our trashcans several times a week. But it goes outside in the big trashcan. And next to the trashcan. And in the big cardboard boxes that all our new china came in. You get the picture. And that trash pile? Not visible to neighbors or from inside our house.)

Mostly CB and I agree on how things should be cleaned and when things should be cleaned. If he comes home and I forgot (read: didn't feel like) doing the dishes that morning. He doesn't flip out or think I'm the worst wife ever. He just shrugs and says he doesn't judge me. Then I do the dishes because I think, gosh, what a marvelous husband.

We are currently going through the pre-marital counseling that couples normally go through actually pre-maritally. We, obviously, are already married. But no bother. Our chaplain is awesome and supports us already being married and does pre-marital/marital counseling with us anyway. Via Skype. Part of the process is these 3 tests. We have taken them already and the first one we are working with in our session is the personality test. I am an INFP. Yea. Funky letters that mean: Introvert. Intuition. Feelings. Perception. This apparently means that I recharge myself, my batteries, if you will, by being alone. I don't mind being sociable, but I definitely need a lot of me time to feel centered. Intuition is my means of gathering information. I follow my intuition more so than sensory perception (yea, I dont really know what that means either.) Feelings indicates how I make decisions. Anyone who knows me could've guessed this. And Perception is.... something that I can't remember. Yea. So, that's me. CB? Complete opposite. He is an ENTJ. The only thing we have in common is that Intuition business. Basically he recharges by being around people, he makes decisions based on thinking, and um... Judgment is his last one and again, who knows whatever that indicates.

All that to say, that in the past 2 weeks we have spent a great deal of time discussing and observing differences in our personalities and how things work with each of us. It has been interesting. Basically CB is the rational problem solver. I am the feeling, introspective, let's mull for awhile different sort. And as one could guess, we don't handle most things the same. So we spend a great deal of time figuring out how we will communicate with one another best and how we will handle conflict. CB is the one, it turns out, who is having to be the most flexible in learning to work with me. But he is great at it.

Overall? The past 2 months have been wonderful, though not perfect. We have argued. I have indeed cried because my feelings were hurt. Our house has been perfectly clean and immaculate, and then it has been very... lived in. He has had to ask me to spend a little bit less money. I have had to ask him to please, please, please remember to shut the shower curtain when he gets out of the shower and remember to pick the floor towel up off the floor. But I do love it. And I love him. And I look forward to learning more about how exactly to be married to him.

Oh... and this other thing. CB flys out this afternoon to go back to DC. Tomorrow morning he is having his appeal meeting with the promotions board at his school. Remember way back when everything fell apart and he was recommended for disenrollment, but that he would start 3rd year and he would take the Step 1 and depending on his performance there things may or may not turn out okay? Well, this is the follow meeting where they review his Step 1 score and all the other grades they didn't see thus didn't include in their assessment of him last time. Luckily, his Step 1 score is great and those other grades include several Bs in very important classes. But still. I don't exactly trust the board or the dean who is continually assuring CB that things are going to turn out fine since he did well on Step 1. After all, he was assured by that same dean last time that he would be fine. And then he wasn't.

So here I am again, asking you to pray, cross your fingers, rub your rabbit's foot that things go well for CB. He has done a phenomenal job in 3rd year so far. The doctors supervising him and working with him have loved him and given him much praise for how much he knows and what a good attitude he has and how he is skilled. If only that word could get back to board in time. Anyways. Please pray and send good vibes out into the world that things go okay for CB. I appreciate it, thanks.

Some more exciting things, in a rather subdued post

I forgot to mention in my last post that CB and I have officially decided to go to Rome for our honeymoon. We originally had immediately ruled it out because we assumed we would be the ones paying for the honeymoon and, quite frankly, Rome is not something we can afford. But then his dad offered to help pay. And then my ever generous aunt offered to contribute a large amount as well. So as it turned out, we can go almost anywhere we want, particularly Rome. So we are. Why subdued, you ask? Because I am cautious to get my heart set on it until the plane tickets are purchased in our names. I won't believe someone else is paying for our fabulous honeymoon until someone actually has. So, subdued excitement for now.

And now, what I have been waiting months to write, I think I have a job.

I had that meeting yesterday with the head of the school. He asked the lower school director to sit in with us as well, which at the time, didn't set off any bells in my head. We chatted for an hour and a half. Yes, that long. About everything from why and how I became a teacher to what type of students I connect with best in a classroom to what I thought about my first 2 years of teaching. And then they asked me how I felt about elementary school kids.

Um. What?

They explained that it is very clear that teaching Latin, more than anything, is the desire of my heart, but that they had no availability in the middle school or high school as they already have 2 very qualified and well-liked Latin teachers whom they do not intend on losing anytime soon. I don't blame them. In fact, they told me they don't have any positions at all, BUT, that if they did, it would be a position teaching 3rd-5th grade Latin. Yes, that is right, 3rd grade Latin. It is a Classical school thing, trust me. I tried my best not to gawk and kick myself, because naturally, I had said only weeks before that I would never teach below 7th grade, and suddenly here I was, listening to them present a non open teaching position to me that involved 3rd-5th graders. Because I am not stupid, I said that I was open to the idea and that it could be a great learning experience for me. After all, I said I would never teach secondary school at all. I said I would never teach junior high. And then I did both of these things. And I loved it. So who is to say I won't love elementary? God has turned around my plans everytime in regards to things like this, and really, I have prayed for a job. Any job. And I know people having been praying for me to find a job. So really? I take this as a blessing. But remember, it wasn't an actual position as of yesterday. They kept talking to me though and we discussed what it was like to teach elementary age children and what sort of schedule I would have. I asked if I could still have involvement with the high school in extracurricular things, especially something like cheerleading, and their ears perked. Cheerleading? Like, could I coach? Why, yes sir, I can't teach them tumbling, but I can teach them how to stunt, I can teach them how to jump, I can teach them how to cheer, I can make them look good. This seemed to be good news to them, and to the current cheer sponsor (most adorable woman ever). Basically, I was told after an hour and a half of talking and touring the campus and meeting people that they don't officially have a position but they will try to make something work.

Today, as I was filling out the application per their request, I received a phone call from the lower school director. She told me, "I think this is going to work out, if you're interested." My response, "I am definitely interested." She said that they are still waiting on a couple of things to come through, but that she wanted to give me a heads up and tomorrow, when I turn in my application to her, we will sit down and go over somethings and kill two birds with one stone (what that second bird is, I don't know.).

So there you go. A job. Teaching elementary students. Latin. Again, subdued because I haven't yet signed a contract, but still excited.

Any advice about teaching elementary kids?

A lot of things. All at once.

I haven't written in quite awhile, and since then, a lot has been happening. Because I don't feel like writing it out in extensive sentences and details, I will simply list them and expand when I feel like it.

* I hit the side of the garage with my car... again. Rather, I rubbed the side of the garage with the side of my car. Yes, it scratched my car. No, it wasn't bad. Most can't even tell I did anything. Touch up paint will help the 4 small dots of chipped paint missing. I did not cry this time.

* I visited my Latin teacher friends and my family back in my old city. On this visit I ate good food, gained a couple pounds, played games and laughed a lot. I also realized that I am very very very happy where I am now and that I do not miss the city I used to live in... only the people.

*CB and I registered at Macy's, Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond. It was not fun; it was tiring. But I am glad that is done and I wish I could own all the stuff I scanned right this minute.

* I got a speeding ticket driving home from my old city. I was pissed because really? I wasn't trying to speed. The last sign I saw said the speed limit was 70; I was going 74. Not bad. Then I saw the cop with the laser aimed at me... then I saw the 60 mph speed limit sign. Ticket for me. Booooo.

*I was called by the head of a private school in a city near where I live. He wanted to discuss the possibility of a teaching position there for this next year or possibly in the future. I was ecstatic.

* I met with said head of school today. He was a very nice man, as was the other woman who was in our meeting. Turns out they don't technically have a position, BUT, they might be able to work something out. Here's the deal though: the position that would be available if they even could work something out... is in the lower school, teaching 3rd-5th graders. Now, I've only taught junior high and high school. I am not entirely opposed to teaching lower school... it's just that I don't know how? I would be teaching them Latin, of course (don't ask, for those of you that are baffled by that, it is a Classical school thing), but I just don't even know how to talk to a small kid. However, I am not so stupid as to turn a job down just because I am not sure of how to do it or whether I will like it. I thought I would hate teaching junior high... and then I loved it. So maybe this could be good too. Who knows really, it isn't even technically an open position right now. Oh, and I would most likely get to coach cheerleading. Which is phenomenol.

* I am so overwhelmed by all the things I seem to have to do I just want to lay down and sleep.

* I am getting a LOT of wedding stuff done lately. Yay me!

* I will blog more regularly now.

On the first month of being legally married

Today marks 1 month of CB and I being legally married to one another. My thoughts? I love it. It's not perfect all the time. Studying medicine requires that he is gone a lot, but we work really hard to enjoy the time we have together. I am working on figuring out how to be a housewife, and constantly working on getting a teaching job. As of next week, I am going to begin the hunt for non-teaching jobs. Eeeek. What I like most about being married to CB is that we are a team. We work together constantly and make decisions together effectively without arguing or getting snappy. We both know that it isn't going to be perfect and we aren't always going to get it right but we are doing our best. He is understanding of my shortcomings as a housewife, and uber encouraging about the fact that I am not inclined to clean the house all the time. Our house, mind you, is not dirty really, it is just not where I think it should be. And yesterday? I made a complete dinner for us. A recipe out of a cookbook which I had never made before, and then I was even so bold as to make a dessert from a recipe. Both were actually very good and CB had 3 servings of the dessert. He looked at me and was like, "You're becoming a housewife. You're becoming domesticated." We both laughed a good deal at this, but I am so so so proud that I cooked. I cooked something that required cutting and sauteing and simmering. Yay me!

So being married? It does take work. But marrying a medical school student means we both get space and indepedence. I like that overall. And when we are together we enjoy it so much because we don't have unlimited time.

By the way? Still looking forward to wedding tremendously. Save the dates are going out (LATE...eeeek) hopefully this next week. Yea, that's right. I am still sending save the dates even though I'm technically married. Why? Because my wedding is still important, and I want people to save the date for it and come. Thankyouverymuch.

Another thing about being married? It requires extensive financial responsibility. CB and I looked at our monies today. We are not poor by any means. We have a roof over our heads, foods for our bellies, two very nice Mustangs, belongings which we love and are proud of, and I have a very pretty engagement ring. I really could not ask for more. The problem is the random little spending on crap. Do I really need to buy $77 worth of books every month? (Seriously, a book problem). No, probably not. Do I really need to go to Sonic before class? Not so much (my waistline agrees). It is hard when two people are sharing monies. You can't just do things like you used to. So tonight we made a budget for the month of August. We have very little extra room for spending money on anything besides food, gas, and bills. But the thing is that I am okay with that. I would rather have a home cooked meal than go out and we have discovered Red Box movies and lots of codes to get free movies. We'll be fine.

However, if I had a job, things would feel a lot better.

So being married to CB? Pretty great. I love him dearly.

On being married to a medical student, pt 1

I say pt. 1, because I am sure there are many more parts to come.

First of all, I am still insanely excited about his step 1 score. Did I mention he scored a 200? Did I mention that that equates to like, a mid-B? Did I mention that the dean of academics contacted him and commented on what an excellent score he made? Did I mention that when he asked when he was supposed to go before the review board again, the dean said in a blase tone, "Oh, yea. They'll review this." Did I mention that scoring a 200 on the step 1 basically means that they don't have a beef with him anymore? Did I mention that I am so thankful for answered prayers? YAY CB! YAY for continuing medical school!!

Second of all, everyone who told me that I would have to get used to him being gone a lot was right. He is gone a lot. 6 days a week from 4:30am-7pm, sometimes later, and sometimes gone all night at the hospital. On nights that I have class from 6-9pm, our schedule goes something like this: CB leaves at 4:30am and kisses me goodbye. I wake up at 8:30am and do whatever all day. I leave at 4:30pm. He gets home around 7 or 7:30 pm. He starts making dinner. I get home at 9:30 pm. We eat dinner. We have 45 minutes of talking to each other about everything we can cram in. We go to bed. We try not to talk while lying in bed, though we never succeed, because then he is up for another hour. All in all, on those days, we have 1 hour of time together. I tell him every night, "Don't go to work tomorrow. Stay home and play with me." But I know he can't do that. This Saturday is his one day off this week, and I awesomely have to go to class from 8am-3pm. Life is hard.

The good news: He is on his general surgery rotation right now, and this is the rotation with the worst hours. The other rotations don't go in as early or leave as late.

The other good news: I am only in class for another week and a half.

The other other good news: At least he gets one day off a week. Civilian med students/doctors have it worse. The military is really strict about how many hours a week they can work, and mandates that they all have to have one 24 hour period off every week, to remain combat ready and all.

It hit me yesterday in the middle of the day that this is what life is going to be like for awhile. Him working long hours, me not working long hours, and seeing each other whenever we can. In some ways, it is good. It keeps us missing each other so that when we do have time together, we enjoy it as much as possible. AND, like I told him last night, seeing him face to face and spending time with him for an hour a day is MUCH better than 3 hours on the phone in 2 different states. It is good we had all that long distance practice though, because I know how to be on my own and enjoy myself. I am used to him not being around all the time. But I sure would like it if he was.

I want to always remain positive about the situation and never become bitter that we only see each other a little bit every day and that he only has one day a week off. I want to never become bitter or resentful over that. He is fulfilling a huge goal for his life and that is important. If I were in school or doing something really time consuming that was fulfilling my life goals, he would be beyond supportive. I want to do the same for him.

And also, this rotation is firmenting in his mind that he does not want to be a surgeon. He hates the hours.

Other things:

I really want my test scores back for my Latin test. I am nervous though.

I really want to teach Latin.

On Saturday, I have to present a 3 minute lesson over a procedure I want to teach my class.

I happen to know that the teacher is planting misbehaving students throughout the room to try and mess us up.

How do I know? Because I am one of them.

I am afraid I won't do a good job.

I wish summer would last forever.

Simultaneously, I need a job.

Going to Camp Eagle on Sunday and I am SOOO excited. Good times in the outdoors with old friends.

2 Things

1. CB passed his Step 1 test with a 200!!!!! For those who don't have a clue what I mean by that, click on the link and read what I mean. This is HUGE. It means a hopefully very good chance of CB continuing on in 3rd year. I just want to walk around gloating and say, "See? He knows his stuff." But I am going to try to remain humble, and just say a lot of 'Thank yous' to God, for answering prayers, and continue to hope for the best but prepare myself mentally for the worst.

2. On applying to Christian schools...

Look, I went to a Christian high school. I've been to church and youth group. I really and truly believe in God and Jesus Christ and salvation by faith in God's grace and sacrifice for man's depravity. I do.

BUT. Appyling to Christian schools wears me out thoroughly. (I hear my high school teachers' hearts beating faster as we speak and their gasps of disapproval). I know that being a Christian school and all, it is almost a given that there will be questions about one's beliefs and faith. I know that there will be a point where you have to sign that you will abide by Biblical standards and live your life befitting of the title "Christian." By the way, what does that even mean? Aren't Christians sinners? Aren't Christians capable of falling short and screwing it all up? Don't we tout the idea that the whole impetus for Jesus in the first place is that none of us gets it right? How then can a reasonable Christian sign a statements saying they will abstain from all that is deemed "bad" or "immoral" or "sinful" when it is in their very nature to do so because duh! they recognize their need for God's grace? Anyways, I digress.

What gets me all worn out and want to not teach at a Christian school are the parts where I have to attach an essay about my thoughts and beliefs concerning all of the following:

- use of drugs, tobacco, and alcohol (well, drugs are bad. Alcohol is okay in moderation. And tobacoo kills. So do drugs. In fact, so does alcohol.)

- freedom of speech and censorship (I am a huge proponet of free speech and little censorship).

- pre-marital sexual relations (You know, it's best not to do this. Screws with your emotions and what not and according to the Bible, makes you an adulterer. But again, most of us don't get it right, and if you don't? It makes you a sinner, like everyone else. It doesn't make you a bad person.)

- modesty and appearance (Don't dress like a floozy.)

- divorce and remarriage (My parents are divorced. I think sometimes it is necessary.)

- abortion and euthanasia (Not a fan)

- origins (creation v. evolution) (The neverending debate. But why can't it be both? God created and is involved in the world, but He, in His magnificent wisdom, created complex, beautiful creatures that adapt to their surrounding and make adjustments as necessary).

- homosexuality (I'm all for gay rights. I don't think it is as God intended, but I don't judge, lest my sins be judged by others).

- personal debt (I don't want it. I don't think you're going to hell if you have it)

- honesty and discretion (Honesty is the BEST policy)

- roles of men and women in the home and other ministries (sigh. ROLES IN THE HOME? My husband does the dishes. He cleans. He cooks better than I do. Wtf is this supposed to mean?)

- ENTERTAINMENT (music, television, movies, etc.) (I just have to shake my head at this. Some things are inappropriate, some are not. Choose wisely.)

You want my real answer? I believe that we are all sinners and we are never going to get it right. I believe at some point in our lives, most of us will have some exposure to or experience with one or more, if not all, of the above. I believe that as a Christian, we can recognize where we've gone wrong and do our best to fix it, but, at the end of the day, we are flawed. Thank you, God for your help. Why, school, do you need to know my every little opinion, IN WRITING, of all these things? AND, what if I am a different denomination than you? That would drastically change some of my opinions on these things. Why can't we all just get along? It is always the same with Christians, hung up on the details, missing the big picture.

The last school I taught at was a Christian school. The application was wholly reasonable. I appreciated it even. It asked about drugs and alcohol and homosexuality, etc., but did not nitpick every hot topic in Christianity today. And the school? Had a policy that certain controversial things weren't to be discussed, but referred to the parents. I would prefer that over trying to micro-manage every faculty members' moral beliefs concerning these issues. I mean, some are obvious: abortion, drugs, any illegal behavior, etc. But some aren't so clear these days. I suppose that may be what they are trying to get at.

Anyways. I went into teaching to make a difference in kids' lives, not manage their beliefs. If, in the end, I influence some young people towards heaven, that is spectacular. Amazing even. But in the meantime, I want to help build their self-confidence, self-discipline, their brain, their social skills, and their decision making abilities. I want to make responsible citizens of the world. There are kids out there who don't have loving parents to help them do their homework or get them to school on time, dressed appropriately. For me, it's enough to let those kids know they're loved and wanted somewhere. Why do I love them? Because as a Christian I am called to love them. Do I need to vocalize that for it to happen? No. I simply love them and let God do the rest.

I believe more than anything, God wants us to love people, not judge people. We do our best to get it right, but in the end, it is grace that saves us.

Oh, and I am seriously rethinking applying to this school. Because in truth, I am guilty of participating in some of the aforementioned items. I don't want to have to lie by omitting my own deeds and give a perfect answer. I could write you a perfect answer, sure, but it wouldn't be true to my life and who I am. I know I need a job, but it is more important to me to have a morally clear concious than give the perfect Christian answer, even when I haven't lived by it.

Note: The opinions expressed here are my own, and not reflective of all Christians, or possibly even most Christians. I am genuinely sorry if I have offended you in some way.

The Little Things

This post is going to go into detail about some personal things... if it bothers you... don't read.

So awhile back, in 2006-ish, I went to see a gynecologist. I hadn't gotten my period in 4 months, and trust me folks, it wasn't because I was having sex and had gotten pregnant. I was most definitely NOT having the sexes, and therefore was not pregnant.

The doctor ran some tests and in the end came out saying that I mostly likely had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Aka: My ovaries don't work right. While this was mostly speculation based on hormone levels detected in the test, it was a good enough explanation to me. She put me on hormones for 10 days, at the end of which I would finally start my period, and upon completing that, I would need to start taking birth control to regulate the, um, cycle.

And ever since I have been on birth control. Now, the first kind of BC I was put on made me a nut job. Seriously. Crazy. Crying all the time and getting way too pissed off over nothing. I often wondered what was wrong with me. I went to the doctor again, and she told me I had PMDD- Pre-menstrual disphoric (sp? or is this even the right word?) disorder. AKA: World's worst PMS. I still politely disagree with that diagnosis, as I was not a crazy nut job around my period prior to getting on birth control, but whatever. She put me on Yaz. Yea, you know what that is... you have seen the commercials. It worked actually, and now I am not a crazy nut job around my period. Yay for that.

But telling you about my period/birth control history is NOT the point of this post. The point is this:

I was on Aetna insurance when I worked at my last school. Aetna did not cover Yaz as it is still in the Formulary stages. I had to pay "formulary" co-pays. Conveniently, or not, the 'formulary' co-pay is EXACTLY the same price as what Yaz costs without insurance: $60. I have been paying $60/month for over a year now. Talk about a big, annoying expense.

Enter getting married to a man in the Army. Enter being in the military healthcare system, known as Tricare.

CB and I went to CVS last night to pick up my birth control. The pharmacist handed me a big pack. It appeared to be 3 months of Yaz, and the pharmacist confirmed this. I was getting slightly nervous, as that would be $180 in my previous life.

"Your total is $27."

OMG. $27 dollars. FOR 3 MONTHS OF BIRTH CONTROL. OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!

I had a celebration right there. I wanted to hug the lady. Or someone at Tricare.

What's even better than this? When the prescription starts being filled at the Army base hospital... It will be FREE. $60/month to $27 dollars/3 months to FREE.

Moral of the story: Marry someone in the Army.

Okay not really.

Moral of the story: Tricare is really good to the military and their dependents. This is the best health insurance I have ever had.

Exhaustion

How is it that I am so very unemployed and simultaneously so very busy?

I have spent the past week running all over just trying to get basic errands done. A pretty huge positive of getting married this summer and having a wedding in December? I don't have to worry about all the name change crap, getting registered in the DEERS system for the military, etc. etc. in December. I can just enjoy my wedding and my honeymoon and return to normal life. YAY for that. In the meantime, I am so tired of going places and having to do all of this. I still have to get my driver's license changed and my passport changed. I think after that I will be 98% done, aside from small little things.

You will all be glad to hear that I am driving the manual Mustang with much better proficiency now. I probably kill it once a day in small, insignificant places, but other than that I have driven it all over and in all kinds of circumstances: on 3 major highways and all their interchanges, through construction, in traffic, on hills (which I loathe), with hardly any cars on the road, and on a street that has a light every 50 yards, regular street driving, etc. So far I have caused no accidents and not held up traffic too much.

I DID get a compliment on the car when I drove it onto base a couple of days ago. The M.P. (military police) guy walked around my car and came back to the window and said, "This is niiice." I said, "Thanks, I'm still learning to drive it," as there was a car behind me and I was afraid I was going to roll into him when I started... I just wanted to throw out there that I'm a novice before I looked like a fool. (Oh, and to the very nice reader who commented on the last post: Thank you for the warnings about being on post, CB had already also warned me as well. I am extra careful. And for the advice about driving a manual... I am trying not to freak out when I kill it and hold up traffic. I am doing much better about it after reading your comment. Thanks : ) )

I am also noticing a lot of people staring at the car as well. I have never ever ever driven a car that people stare at, unless they were staring because it was that dirty or made that horrible of sound. CB tells me that it's because most people have never seen the 2010 Mustang since it is brand brand new. I myself have only ever seen 3 other cars like mine on the road. Soon they will be everywhere though, so I am trying to enjoy the attention now.

In other things... I am finally in the military deers system, which is a relief. It wasn't that complicated or long to do, it is just getting all your ducks in a row to do it. I am also finally on Tricare insurance (military health insurance) as well. Yayayayay for not being uninsured!

My mom is coming down to get my old car and take it back home with her this weekend(she wanted it as a back up car... don't ask...). I am super nervous because mom is quite the perfectionist. I would much rather play host to a friend way before my mom comes. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I am spending today and all day tomorrow in hyper cleaning/preparing mode trying to get everything spotless clean and in order so my mom doesn't comment on the dust, or that I need to sweep, or whatever. I am just hoping that my hosting skills are up to her standards. Vomit. I love you very much, mom, but I am NOT a perfectionist.

Last night was my first class in my certification program. Luckily, my teacher is a-mazing AND hilarious. I love her. I want to be her.

I can't wait for unpacking to be finished and to not have 3957849574398 errands to run. And, I can't wait to get a paycheck.

Now will someone please give me a job? Thanks.

PICTURES OF THE FINISHED PRODUCT:

From the front

The interior with its NEW leather seats:

The back

And my favorite picture.

Okay, I could get used to this

CB and I picked up my car yesterday. I practiced driving it around the neighborhood with CB instructing me, and I became soooo frustrated with myself. Not because I killed the car or anything, but because starting off I was bumpy. I was nervous because now this is MY car and I don't want to do anything to hurt it. I am not used to the size of the car and I am not always sure where it ends in the back and front and on the right side. Basically I wanted to cry because here I was with my brand new car and I felt like I couldn't drive it.

When we were making dinner and talking about it, CB told me to go to the HEB, by myself, in my new car. That he had to utmost confidence that I could drive it by myself and have no problems. I decided to take his confidence in me and let it boost my own. I got in my car and I drove to the HEB. No problems. The smoothest starts I had all evening. I didn't kill it ever. I didn't hurt my car. I just drove. I was SOOOO ecstatic. I really CAN drive my new car. I drove it home, killed it once at a stop sign, which I quickly corrected, and made it home no problem after that.

After dinner, CB agreed to go for another ride with me, this time on and off highways. I have to go to the army hospital today to meet CB to get me put into the military healthcare system, so we practiced driving there last night. I got on the highway. I switched highways. I got off the highway. I pulled up to a military base, showed our IDs, and I drove in and parked. And then when we were done there, I drove it all the way home. No glitches.

I am SOOOO freaking excited. I am not perfect at driving a manual, but I am not bad either. I am glad to have confidence in myself, otherwise it does no good to have a brand new pretty car.

Anyways. I have to give the car back tomorrow so they can change out the cloth seats for leather ones, but after that it is mine forever.

I will post pictures of it once I get it back from the seat swap. They are detailing it and what not so it is extra pretty (it got rained on yesterday. boo.) Anyways. YAAAY.

Surreal Life

CB bought me a car.

A CAR. For me.

We had been planning on getting me a new car later this year... more like in October or so... but yesterday he made the mistake of taking me to the Ford dealership to 'look' at Mustangs to cheer me up. But then the dealership was open. Not closed.

And then I was test driving 2010 Mustangs. And a 2009 Mustang.

We were going to buy the 2009 Mustang, only because it was a really good deal and it was the LAST 2009 Mustang on their lot. But then someone else bought it. And I cried. Literally.

But then... car dealership man called us back. He was willing to make necessary adjustments to one of the 2010 Mustang GTs to make it to my liking. And we got him to make the price a lot cheaper than most 2010 Mustang GTs. It still makes my chest tight though, because CB and I have had zero debt. No loans to payoff. No car payments. Nothing. And now we suddenly have a car payment. CB, who is very good at managing the monies, says we can afford it, though money will be tight for the first 2 months (he has 2 final payments on my engagement ring). I told him I will stop being a Money Wife (aka: a wife that sucks up all your monies because you buy her nice things all the time. Though I should note that I never intended to ever beeee a Money Wife. I just happen to feel like one because he is paying for my engagement ring and my new car.)***I feel it necessary to note here that CB has never once called me a 'Money Wife' either in the joking or serious sense. This is strictly something I came up with to describe how I feel about the fact he is paying for all this stuff for me. He does not complain or have a problem with any of it.***

Salesman dude drove it OUT of the showroom so I could test drive it. I mostly enjoyed seeing how they actually get the car out of the building. Actually, I mostly enjoyed driving, as it is a 5-speed stick shift, but it was really cool to see how they get the cars out of there.

So. CB bought me a car. A 2010 Mustang GT coupe with leather seats in Grabber Blue. I originally wanted Torch Red... but then I saw this color, and my mind changed.

My life over the past 2 weeks has been surreal. I want to crawl into a cave, not spend any more money, and just sit for a few months and keep things as they are. A new house (rented). A new marriage. A new car. A new teaching certification program. wtf? Since when did stuff like this happen to me? And when is it all going to fall apart? Is it ever going to fall apart?

My chest is tight and slightly anxious because I feel like everything is happening so fast. I mean, I am so so happy with all of it. I love the house. I love my husband, whom I get to marry TWICE. I LOVE my new car. I am really excited about being in a teaching certification program. But seriously? Do good things really happen all at once? And really, it scares me, because when things are really good, I do feel like something bad is always bound to follow.

My friend CD tells me to shut up. She reasons, "What if nothing bad happens?" What if this is just a really good part of my life and I am not taking the time to enjoy it because I am too busy looking for the downturn. CD has a good point.

Basically, this is the deal. For whatever reason, I have been incredibly blessed over the past 2 weeks. I'm not so sure I deserve it all the time. I am not so sure I deserve the kind of husband I have- not because he bought me a car, but because he is so patient and kind and loving, and he puts me before himself. It is all so surreal, but I am so very grateful for everything that I have been blessed with.

I think from now on I'm going to lay low. Not go shopping. Not seek out anything spectacular. I'm just going to unpack my things. Settle into my home. And look for a job.

Here are some pictures of my new car. I pick it up today- this is what is going to be different about it: No black accent stickers, no black 20" rims, no cloth seats. The regular stock rims are going back on and the cloth seats will be redone in leather.

Shamelessly advertising myself

I have emailed so many schools over the past few months that I am beginning to feel like an incredible pest. Hi, read my cover letter and resume. Hi, read my application. Hi, do you have any Latin teaching positions available? Hi, I know I'm not certified, but I'm willing to get that way real quick.

No. No. No. NO. NO. I've heard a lot of that lately. Much more nicely though, because people in SA? They're really freaking nice overall. And if I haven't heard, "No."? Then I've heard nothing. Silence. The silence of being ignored. It's surreal. I think I'd rather hear, "No," than be ignored.

I set up an appointment with an alternative certification program today. The same one which helped me get my Latin EXCET exam set up (Yea, little did you know you have to be backed by a program to get in to take one of these tests... or at least have to promise that you WILL try to get into one once you've taken it).

Once I set up that appointment and filled out the program's application, I called the human resources woman of the school district who turned me down a long time ago to let her know my status. (She had actually requested that I let her know when I had taken the test, etc.). On her voicemail, I shamelessly advertised myself some more: Hi, remember me? You wouldn't/couldn't hire me because I wasn't in an alt. cert. program? Okay, well look! I've taken that uber important test! I am meeting with the alt. cert. program on Thursday! They consider me highly qualified! Do you have any other Latin positions available at this moment? (I happen to be in the know about one of their other high schools needing a Latin teacher.) Can you consider me now, please? Oh, and please let me shamelessly suck up while I thank you so much for putting me in contact with this program. I truly appreciate it. You can call me back at: xxx-xxx-xxxx. Thanks, bye!

Okay, so it was a lot better sounding when I actually left it. It was a composed, collected, cool voicemail. And I wasn't really trying to suck up by thanking her- I really am grateful for her help. But really? I felt like that was what I sounded like. Shamelessly advertising myself and continuously running after every last little lead I hear about... like a dog chasing bones.

In the meantime? I have been sleeping on the couch because CB is out of town and I am too afraid to sleep upstairs alone. Awesome.

First Day Alone

CB is in the DC for a few days to start his 3rd year of medical school- then back here to begin the actual in-hospital work.

I should have a lot to say about the first few days of being married, but unfortunately, I don't. We got married and then I turned into a study machine to finish looking over stuff for my Latin Excet, which I took yesterday. Then, I got sick. Then, he had to leave to go to DC today. And that, my friends, is exactly what I've done since getting married.

Currently I am still sick. I have done exactly nothing today except lay on the couch and watch a Law and Order marathon (probably not so good since it may send me into paranoia mode when night falls), hoping that my excessive rest will help whatever virus I have to pass by.

If you were to ask me about the Excet, I would say that it was long, it was hard, and I have no idea how I did. I knew a lot of the stuff on there. But then again, there was some stuff that I had to do my best to make educated guesses. My mentor and friend, PR, tells me this: If I pass it, fantastic. Incredible, considering all I've done in the week before the test. If I don't pass? Whatever, I moved and got married and was getting sick while I was trying to take it. It's not like I'm failing out of something if I don't pass. I'll just study up and take it again.

I like her stance on the matter.

There is one teacher, whom I don't know, but I know a teacher who works with this teacher, who had to take it 3 times to pass it. In fairness to her, so you don't judge her and think she's an idiot, this is some seriously. seriously. seriously. difficult Latin. I am really hoping and praying that I passed, and there is a small part of me that feels like maybe I did, as there was a good bulk of questions that I KNOW I got right, another bulk of questions that I was confident about, but not certain, and then the minority of the three- the questions that I didn't feel confident about. Of these, there were only 30 or so out of 120. (Doesn't sound long right? And then you find out that they give you 5 hours to take it and it took me over half of that time to finish.)

If I don't pass, which I'm not ruling out yet, I know exactly what I need to do to study. I can't study anymore grammar. Grammar was not the issue. I knew all the grammar. What I need is to read Julius Caesar and Cicero (in Latin, of course). These were the two authors whose passages came up again and again on the test and on whose passages I tended to feel pretty weak.

We'll see in 3 weeks how it went.

As for being married? I am very slowly getting used to the titles "wife and husband." On the first day, CB kept calling me his wife in various circumstances, and while I am proud and happy to be such, it most definitely freaked me out to hear myself called that. I told him and he said we could slowly ease into referring to each other as that. Not that I want to be referred to as 'fiance,' or 'girlfriend' or anything else, I just need time to adjust to the thought of actually being someone's 'wife.'

And then today my mom asked me how the first time having my husband away was. Weird, mom. Weird. She laughed at me.

Another weird thing for me: NOT HAVING MY LAST NAME. I haven't had my driver's license changed yet, so when I was at the testing center yesterday everything was done under my old name. I miss my name. A lot is attached to a name. An entire identity, even. And now my old name, my old identity, isn't mine. I have a new name, and it makes me feel like I lost my identity in some weird way. My entire job centered on that old name: I was Miss C., not Mrs. B. I was LC. Not LB. Now, whatever new job I have, there will be a new name to come with me. It's surreal. Logically, I know this isn't true. I haven't lost any identity. I am still me. I am still the same person. But the name change throws me off.

Please don't mistake my ponderings and awkwardness about these marital things as doubts about whether I did the right thing, or some bad omen. I am a naturally anxious person. My chest got tight after CB proposed. I almost had a heart attack when I lived alone for the first time after college- I was a mess for 3 months. Change- BIG change- just freaks me out. And these are good changes. I don't stay up all night worrying about it. I know that in time, I will be used to being called CB's wife, and I will happily sign the name LB, and I will have little routines and traditions that are specific to where I'm at now.

I do miss my old life though. I miss my old apartment, and the crazy neighbors. I miss seeing my old last name in my mailbox. I miss students calling out, "Miss C.!!! Miss C.!!" I miss the fact that at this very moment I would be driving over to my mom's for Sunday dinner with my mom and my brother, his gf, and my stepdad. I miss calling my dad on any day of the week and asking if he wants to meet for dinner.

But I love this life too. I love this city. I love the house we live in. I love CB. I even am sort of fond of unpacking my old life and making it part of this life. I love this too, I just haven't fully settled in yet.

The Actuality of 'Living with another person'

Today marks day 4 (I don't count moving day ...read on...) of living with CB. Today is the first day we have had internet or TV. Today is the day before my huge Latin test (vomit).

Today is my first full 24 hours of being married. Yesterday CB and I finally made it down to the courthouse to deal with the getting married legally business. I was a nervous wreck, CB was fine. It is just like us for me to get cold feet and him to be absolutely calm and resolute. The judge that married us was hilarious, and made the situation as exactly informal as I had wanted it to be. No fancy vows, no ring exchange (we did this later)... just a quick: Do you promise to take care of him whether he is good or bad? I do. And the same for her? To take care of her whether she is good or bad? I do. The end. Husband and wife. The judge kept making jokes and asked if he was ruining a great friendship by doing this. We laughed a lot, and then we had 2 absolute strangers sign as our witnesses. It was the most non-traditional thing I have ever done.

Afterwards I felt sad that our families weren't there to witness it, but there wasn't really anything to witness. Afterwards we went out in front of the courthouse, which was beautiful, and sat by the fountain and exchanged wedding bands. Mine is a super simple white gold band- for now. December will now be the most special, momentous occasion for us as there will be formal vows, a prettier diamond wedding band, family and friends to celebrate with and witness the occasion, a pretty wedding gown, and a handsome groom in a tux. It will be a wedding.

As of now, we are legally married. I have already gone to the social security office to change my name. CB will be taking a copy of the marriage license (which, by the way, had been dated wrong by the judge initially-July 25 instead of June 25. It has since been corrected.) back to DC this Sunday to turn it into the proper Army officials so I can begin the daunting task of getting a military dependent ID and insurance, etc. I don't plan on actually using the name for most things until December, except official paperwork, and my twitter I suppose.

The past 4 days have been a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. It is hard to write them all here so I will put them in list form below. They will be random and probably out of order but I will do my best to be coherent.

- OMG, why are the movers effing 2 hours late?!!?!

- Yay movers, for quilting all my furniture!

- Boo movers, for taking 6 hours to load my apartment and not finishing until 5 pm the day of my move.

- I just want to get to SA already.

- (upon walking into the house) OMG. CB's crap is everywhere. This is a mess.

- What did I just do? I just moved away from home. Why did I do that?

- I'm so effing broke.

- Ahh! I am not used to having someone pay for, quite literally, everything. Dates? Of course. But the rent? The new washer and dryer? The groceries? My life?

- Does this mean he owns me? (no!)

- I wish I had a job so I could help contribute to this financially.

- But I AM contributing. He pays for everything, but I freaking filled this entire house with everything in it.

- I still wish I had a job.

- I have the best fiance/husband ever. He makes such a good point when he talks about all the money being in one pot and us sharing it; it doesn't belong to just one of us.

- I still wish I had a job.

- OMG I am married. What did I just do? Freak out. Tight chest. Scary. This is forever. Please stop calling me 'wife'.

- I miss my last name.

- I am married. But it is okay, because this is CB you're married to. Could you be any luckier?

- You will get used to this. This= Living in a new city. Being away from home. Being married. A new last name. Living in a house. Sharing stuff.

- I just wish I could unpack everything all the way through until it's done. Effing Latin test.

Anyways, there is more. I will write more details later. Mostly, it will suffice to say that this has been one enormous week of change in my life and it freaks me out at least once a day.

Must go study Latin. Can't wait until that test is over.

It is finished

I am done packing. Aside from the sheets on my bed and the cleaning supplies and what I need to be hygenic for tonight and tomorrow am, I am done packing. And aside from the computer I type on as we speak.

I am 5 minutes away from turning this box off and putting it in another box, making it ready to go. The internetz people in San Antonio seem to not be able to come until Friday, but we'll try to make that sooner. Otherwise, I will be silent until then.

I will take lots of pictures. I cannot wait.

OMG. I am moving to San Antonio. To live with CB. To marry, legally, CB. OMG. OMG. OMG.

PS: I have a twitter now? Just two days ago I swore wouldn't get one and that I didn't need one to my brother. It took about 5 seconds of peer pressure from dear friend CD, and alas, here I am. My posts are set to private though, so unless I approve you, you can't follow. AND for fun I made the username my NEW name, which I won't have until next week, but whatever: LJBrooks07. Have at it.

Pre-emptive thoughts on "living with another person"

Friday night I had my last gathering with my Latin teacher friends. There are 6 of us in total, and only one guy. After half left around 10pm, as they had obligations: babysitters to relieve, husbands to go home to, and one last stop to make before the end of the night, the remaining 3 of us sat around talking until midnight.

I talked about how much I hate packing, and how packing the kitchen was the worst. The worst part about packing isn't so much the actual packing though. It is the knowing and being very aware of the fact that in just a few days I will have to go through the hell of unpacking it all. I would much prefer it if I packed all this stuff and it was just sent to some alternate universe where I never have to see it again. I would live forever with my 5 t-shirts, 1 pair of jeans, 1 dress, 2 pairs of shorts, some underwears, and 3 pairs of shoes: flippies, running shoes, and some croc-y type slide on things. It would be bliss.

I told them how I made a deal with CB: he unpacks the kitchen, I'll be responsible for the entire upstairs region of the house. But then... I had hesitations about giving him such a monumental task as unpacking the kitchen. What if he put the dishes in a bad place? What if I was constantly coming by, suggesting that he change around everything he just did because I did not find it suitable? Maybe I should just unpack THE WHOLE HOUSE just so it could be to my liking? And that's when it hit me: I am going to be living with another person. Forever.

And this person? He may not like the dishes where I like the dishes. He may not want the bookshelves there, he may want them here. He may not want to arrange the study area, which we will share, in that way. He may not like how I decorate the living room (and, unlike most guys, he does have an opinion about such things.) OH MY GOD I HAVE FOUND THE ROOT OF MARITAL CONFLICT.

My friend PR was asking about our bookshelves, as between us we have a total of 6 bookshelves, all very full (As SB says, I have a book problem). 3 are short (his) and 3 are tall (mine). She wanted to know where we planned on putting these shelves. As I pondered the options, she suggested we put the short shelves downstairs in the living room.

My response: "But won't it be weird to have a bunch of medical books hanging out in the living where guests will like, sit?"

Her response: "Well, put your books on them."

My response: (blank stare) I never thought about that. I never thought about putting my books anywhere other than my bookshelves. Oh my gosh. Our books will mesh. Our shelves will mesh.

The problem, if you could call it that, is that the bulk of the furniture, accent pieces, decorations, kitchenware, etc. that is going to fill our new house is my stuff. It has always been mine, not ours. I have lived alone since freshman year of college. I am used to doing everything my way.

Really, I want to share all I have with CB. I want it to be ours and not mine. But, I realized Friday night that it will take a lot more adjusting than I previously thought. I will have to relinquish control and maybe let him decide where the best place to put the dishes is. I may have to share my bookshelves (gasp!).

One thing I won't have to share? The closet. He is giving the ENTIRE master closet space to me, willingly, before I could even ask. He is a good man.

As for the rest of it? It will take some getting used to, but I am prepared for it, and if there is one thing CB and I are pretty good at (most of the time) it is communicating and compromising. My dad (who is divorced from my mom, mind you) always says this about marriage: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married? I chose the latter.