Accepting the challenge of a stranger

So... sometimes I write about working out on here and how I have big and important goals for losing a little bit of weight and toning up. And it all starts well... I do it consistantly for a few weeks, my mother tells me I look good and that she can tell I've lost weight and toned and what not.... and then I stop. I get 'busy.' Ever since moving I have been bad at working out. Bad at having any motivation whatsoever for being active. I was moving. I was unpacking. I was adjusting to life with CB. Blah blah blah. Anyways, this is another attempt at being consistant with the working outs. A girl whose blog I read, These Little Moments, is also trying to lose 5 lbs or so. And she is soliciting blog readers to do it with her. So I accepted. If I'm going to do it, I might as well be able to read about others doing it too. We will see how this goes. I desperately want to be consistant, but then again, I really don't. I'm ambiguous. But I just need to suck it up and do it already.

I need a plan, though. And every plan I come up with, I don't really want to do because it requires me starting today.

And then things were looking up!

I am done. With my job. I moved out of my classroom. Entered all my grades. Monday I return my keys.  I am jobless. But I am not all that worried about it currently. 

There is time. I am a teacher, and sometimes jobs don't come up until right before school starts. And if one doesn't? I am going to be a tutoring MACHINE. Which is actually fairly lucrative. 

There is air conditioning in my car. And in my apartment. 

I started packing my apartment- granted- it's only 6 boxes right now, and an entire apartment to go... but hey, it's a start. 

My BFF and Maid of Honor (MOH), CD, and I chatted a few days ago. She is moving back to the states from Paris in JULY! YAAY! And we had good chats about my wedding. And life. And boys.

Today I hired a 'day of' wedding coordinator. Cool.

Mostly I am excited that 2 years and 5 days ago, CB and I had a conversation about long distance while we were driving back from Galveston, after having viewed the Battleship Texas. It went something like this:

me: So, uh, if we are going to do this... if we are going to be long distance... we have got to have some kind of plan. There has got to be a light at the end of the tunnel, because, well, I've done this before and it sucks. It needs to have a definite plan for an end.

CB: Well, I guess I always kind of assumed that, uh, well... Medical school is funny, because the first 2 years are strictly academic, in the classroom, and the last 2 are clinical clerkships in hospitals, and we can go almost anywhere for those. Well, I guess I figured that once 2nd year was over you would come with me wherever I go for 3rd year. 

me: Well. You know I am not leaving my entire life behind- my family, a good job, and my friends- unless I have a very pretty ring on my finger. I just can't do it. 

CB: Yea, I know that. Of course. That's fine. 

me: Okay. So I guess that's it then. 2 years long distance and then no more. 

CB: Yea.

me: UGH 2 years is a long time. What if we don't make it? What if we are horrible at this?... (a plethora of other worries)

CB: It will be fine. We will be fine. We will work super hard and communicate well and we will see each other as often as possible and it will work.

(2 YEAAAARS AND 22 DAYS LATER)(AKA: 17 days from now)

Moving into our house in San Antonio. : )

ANNNND, CB not only passed pathology... his grade RAISED because he did so well on the final shelf exam. Yea. That's right. He is awesome.

LASTLY,

this really difficult Latin exam I have been stressing about. I did a the first 2 sections of a practice test last night, and I only missed 5. And they were all centered on the same concept- which means if I can really get that concept down, I will be awesome.

And I mastered this process called "scansion,"  which in Latin means reading a line of poetry (in Latin) and figuring out the proper pronunciation of the line via long syllables and short syllables. It involves dactyls and spondees and funny markings. That may mean nothing to you, but I have been so freaking excited about it since last night. I can't get over it. I want to scan excessive lines of Latin poetry and get everything right because it feels so good. 

For the next 2.5 weeks:

Excessive packing

Reading Latin/practicing Latin/scansion!/taking practice tests

Working out, because I need it, badly

The End. 

A resolution

Last summer I had a specific routine. I would wake up, eat cereal, put on workout clothes, walk down the stairs and out the front door, put my Ipod in my ears and walk/run a very specific route around my condo complex. This condo complex is really 2 condo complexes in one, however. This didn't seem to matter for a long time to me though, because I did this very routinely every morning for a few weeks. I loved it. I loved being outside and looking at the trees/flowers/birds/people. I loved the sunshine on my face, shoulders, and legs... even if I was wearing SPF 50. I loved that I was exercising and actually enjoying myself.

One day my routine was shattered. An old woman who lives in the condo complex that is specifically NOT mine came outside and yelled at me for walking/running on the her side of the complexes. (Long story short, we are all in a gated community. There is an invisible dividing line separating one condo complex with its homeowners' association from the other condo complex with its homeowners' assocation. Stupid, I know.)  I walked away, nearly crying. I didn't stand up for myself. I didn't yell back. I didn't even state my case. I just walked away, tail between my legs. A little later that same morning, an older man who also lives in MY side of the complex who also happened to walk every morning... on BOTH sides... stood up for me to the woman. It was an interesting/fun interaction, but I never felt comfortable walking/running on that side again. So I joined a gym. 

This brings me to today. I think I'm going to give up my gym membership. Nevermind the fact that it is only a mile down the road, I NEVER go. I don't enjoy being there when I am there. The treadmill is alright but really, nothing compares to walking outside. The sunshine. The birds. The flowers and trees. Somehow, an air-conditioned gym just doesn't stand up to that. I hate having to plan when I am going to work out. I hate having to get in my car and drive before I work out. One might ask, why don't you just walk to the gym? Because, my friends, I live in a city that is not very safe for a young female to walk alone in.. be it one mile or fifty... it ain't happening. Sorry.

Because it is an AWESOME time of year right now and the weather is incredible more often than not, I am going to attempt to reclaim my routine. It will look a little different, as I won't be able to do it in the morning, but I think I will in the afternoon.  I have resolved to stand up to the old lady if she tries to confront me again, because dangit... walking down that street doesn't hurt anyone or do anything, and I see people from both sides walking on all sides all the time.

I am happy for springtime. I am happy for getting back my walking/running outside and doing a workout at home routine. It was working for me last summer. I hate that I ever lost it. 

Good News, Bad News

Good News:

I am working out consistently. Even before school on a LOT of days.

I am eating better.

I have this thing called a BodyBugg... basically it's an armband I wear all day everyday. It not only keeps track of things like my steps- aka: pedometer- it keeps track of ALL the calories I burn in a day. It is 97% accurate. 

I burned 2,777 calories yesterday. That is with a short 30 minute workout before school. And just doing what I do every day.  Yea, that's right. I burn a TON of calories when I teach.

I haven't had a Coke in 6 days.

Bad News:

I haven't had a Coke in 6 days.

Given that I burn at least 2250 calories everday... I was eating like a BILLION calories. Okay, not a billion, but a lot.

Something is wrong with my eyes. They are all red and achey.  Can't wear contacts.

My glasses won't stay on my face.

Ordering new glasses today won't change a thing, as they probably won't come in for a week. After my eyes are better.

Mid-week update

Uhhh... today was my day off of working out. I slept in till 6:30 am, leisurely got up and went about my day, ANNND now it is 8 pm and all I can think about is how I do NOT want to get up at the crack dawn- before dawn really- to go to the gym. And I don't want to pick out my clothes for tomorrow. And basically I just want to lay horizontally on my couch.

But alas- I will work to make myself go, because I did feel better yesterday when I did it. And because I am pretty sure that doing this working out stuff, and eating better-ish has been working. So we'll see. Say some prayers that I wake up and feel motivated. Thanks bye. 

Success!

I did it. I got up this morning at 6am, went the gym and walked on the treadmill for 25 minutes. Walked fast though- got the heartrate up and what not. It was good, and amazingly, I really liked it a lot. I will definitely do it again. Not tomorrow, because that is my day off as I have worked out every day since Saturday. But Thursday, I will be waking early. Happpppy! I found a decent time to workout I think. Because really, after school is just not going to happen. 

Oops.

Personal trainer is mad at me for gaining 4 lbs rather than losing 2. Crap.

Thus I am having cheerios for dinner from now till eternity.

But more seriously... I have a plan. Don't laugh at my plan either because I am really going to try.

My biggest problem when it comes to working out is motivation. After school, after tutoring, after meetings, the LAST thing I want to do is change into gym clothes and have myself a workout. All I want to do is go home and lie horizontally on my couch. And then grade. Or make a test.

SO... the thought is this... I already wake up around 6:20ish in the am. If I can work it so I go to bed earlier, say 10pm as opposed to 10:30 or 11pm, I can wake up around 6am. Walk Rom, brush teeth, change into gym clothes and grab my bag of work clothes, makeup, etc (which I will have already packed the night before). Get to the gym, do cardio for 30 minutes and maybe tack on one good exercise like chest or shoulders or arms- to prepare for my dazzling strapless wedding gown. I don't sweat like a fiend, so I don't imagine that I will be super gross after a light workout, so I will wipe myself down, put on some deoderant, change into work clothes, do my makeup, etc. and off I go to start my day at school, most likely arriving around 7:20am, per usual. And before you die laughing because you don't think I will wake up every weekday morning at 6, please consider that I only plan on doing it 2-3 times a week. Then my actual workouts will take place on the weekend when I have significantly more motivation to do stuff.

I am actually pretty excited about this plan, and I think I might actually even feel better in the day after having worked out in the am. Maybe.

And then maybe I won't gain 4 lbs. Especially if I chow down on Cheerios? 

How I miss the days of cheerleading, being a teenager, and eating like a pig and never gaining an ounce of weight. Where are you, 16 year old body?  (I already know the answer and that is: I am never coming back, Lauren, because you are not 16.)

Personal Training: Round 2

I made it through an entire personal training session! Without causing a scene!

Meanwhile, my trainer keeps getting onto me because I don't log what I am eating into the thing that I'm supposed to (honestly, it is just a hassle).  I told her flat out that I love pizza and hush puppies, and she can't take them away. Then she admitted to me that she ordered Papa John's last night, and that it was okay if I wanted to eat those things, but only every once in awhile... not say, once a week (guilty look). 

Tonight I am trying to cook something healthy- per trainer's suggestion. I am making chicken and broccoli marinated in an herb and garlic marinade. We'll see how it goes. Just in case, I am making a side of stuffing. Delicious. 

Working out is the one freaking thing I can't ever dedicate myself to consistently. I dedicated myself to reading consistently. I have dedicated myself to cleaning my apt regularly (ish). Until I was engaged, I was dedicated to grading on a regular basis. But working out- eeeesh. That I cannot seem to commit to. 

I do like my trainer though... so maybe I will stick with her for awhile. She even told me today that I am not a bad size- I am a good size, but that I just need to tone up. I wanted to kiss her. 

My Awesome Time at the Gym

Today was possibly one of the most embarassing days of my life.

Backstory:

My dad gave me 5 personal training sessions at my gym for my birthday.

I have a heart problem.

That's all you need to know to keep up with my story.

So today CB and I went to my gym. I had a 4pm appointment with my trainer- my first real session where she was going to make me workout and do stuff.

We got there early so I could do my warm-up: 5 minutes of walking on the treadmill, rolling out my muscles on this foam roll thing, and some stretches. She and I chatted it up about how excited I was, how I could follow instructions well, etc.

My first exercise was this floor bridge thing. It reminds me a tad bit of yoga. I had to lift my hips and  squeeze my gluts and abs and hold for 1 second, then lower for 4 sec., hold for 2 sec. and then back up tight. For 2.5 minutes.  Not too bad. Made my butt burn like you wouldn't believe. I highly recommend it.

Then we went straight into what I call the plank, fraternities would call 'bows and toes,' and what the trainer called 'isotropic abs' or something like that. Basically I had to hold myself up for 10 seconds on my elbows and toes- squeezing every muscle. I did that 15 times. It made me shake.

Then we balanced. I did these things I can't explain in words really without demonstrating. 

At some point, I am not sure if it was here, or before that last one, I was feeling a little light headed and exhausted. I asked to go get some water and of course she said yes. 

I came back, and then we did what she was called 'reactive' exercises. I call them cheerleading lunges. I had to lunge with one leg, and at the same time stretch the arm opposite to the knee that was lunging, to the knee while holding a 4 lb ball. Effective.

Actually, I am now pretty sure that in between legs was the light headedness and water break.

So yea, I finally finished those. I was exhausted. I sat down and was trying to catch my breath while she set up my next task. Meanwhile the fitness manager came and introduced himself to me and we were chatting while I was sitting. He said I probably shouldn't be sitting while I was feeling exhausted and had me stand. 

I stand.

I suddenly start to feel queasy and a bit like I am about to pass out. Fitness manager and trainer rush me over to the wall and tell me to lean against it. 

Not working people- let me sit or lay down so my blood can return to my heart and brain please!!!

The entire room became fuzzy in my eyeballs.

Finally we compromise with me leaning against the wall with my hands on my knees. Fitness manager orders people to get me a large water, a wet towel and a bag of ice. 

After a minute or two I can see straight. Fitness manager has asked me several questions about what grade I teach, when my break is over, etc.

Then he finally lets me sit down, after he asks for my fiance's name and goes off in search of him in the gym.

It was explained to me that all the color drained from my face and that I was all clammy in my hands and sweat was running down me. 

I sit and laugh because OMG I am sooooo embarassed. I'm that girl. That wuss girl in the gym who can't hack a simple workout. EVERYONE, and that is not an exaggeration this time, is looking at me.

And the poooor trainer lady. She felt horrible and was so freaked out. She thought she had planned a light, easy workout for me. I feel horrible for scaring her. She probably hates me now. 

She already knew I have a heart condition, but I explained a little bit further how it works. My heart has to pump 3 times to circulate the same amount of blood 1 pump in a healthy heart would do. I told her that I was so sorry, and I even thought I could do more than that, and perhaps that I needed to go a bit slower. That the exercises themselves were fine, but that I needed to take more time to do them and more time in between each one.

She is terrified now. I am the talk of the local 24 hr. Fitness.

FM finally found CB and he rushed over to see me. He checked my heart rate in my neck, wrists, and ankles. Then he just sat with me while everyone talked to me. 

I was even approached by a stranger, who walked up and said, "I don't mean to butt in, but I am a doctor over at Parkland and I just wanted to make sure you are okay."

I said yes. Because I am okay. I just have a ... slow heart? 

The FM suggested I bring a powerade to keep up my blood sugar. Which is kind of interesting... and this is where it gets funny about personal trainers. Because they are so well-meaning, and they know ALL the exercises, but they only know tidbits of real medicine. It wasn't my blood sugar that was down... it was the lack of oxygen in my brain.  2-ish hours before I had had a good healthy, sizable lunch, I wasn't hungry, nor was I too full. 

And CB, still in medical school himself, even thought that standing was really not what I needed to be doing. Sitting or laying actually allows for more profusion of blood back to the heart and brain- standing makes it harder. That is a near direct quote from a cardiologist that teaches CB. But that is okay, the trainers were doing the best they could, what they know. 

But just fyi: if your brain isn't getting oxygen- standing isn't going to make the blood get there faster. 

So, that was AWESOME. But I did get a free 24 hour fitness towel. Cool.

*As a disclaimer: I in NO WAY whatsoever blame the 24 hour fitness personal training staff for what happened to me today. I have a bum heart. I always have. It used to work a tad better, but that's okay. I just need to take it slow.