Post-Wedding, Post-honeymoon, disgruntled blues

Annnd, I'm back.

The wedding was wonderful, and one of these days I will find the motivation to post some pictures here soon. Aside from my step-grandmother violently grabbing my arm and telling me that my stepfather was a more of a father to me than my biological father right before the first dance, the whole thing went off without a hitch (still pissed about the comment though- who says that to a bride ON HER WEDDING DAY?!!?!).

The honeymoon was fan-freaking-tastic as well. We had a world of trouble, literally, getting to Rome, but once there it was heavenly. I frequently wish we were still on our honeymoon on a day to day basis. Being back in the "real" world has been a little rough. CB started his internal medicine rotation and oh my, has that been my worst nightmare. These are the worst hours he has had to work thus far and I miss him all the time. This could also be my hormones speaking dramatically as my period is just days away... either way, he's gone a lot and I haven't been coping as well as I used to. Our dining room table is covered in wedding gifts that have been opened but need to be sorted and put away (glasses, glasses, more glasses, dishes, crystal, etc.) and quite frankly, I don't have a place for it all yet. So there it has remained on the dining room table. And, there are hundreds of thank-yous to write. Starting with the showers that were thrown for me in the very late fall. I'm a little overwhelmed.

Add to this the fact that I teach 3rd-5th graders, and you have one disgruntled LB. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for my job and I love the kids I teach. I love the people I work with. But, I do not like teaching basic Latin day after day. I want to teach the gooood stuff. The Latin 2 and 3 stuff. The fun stuff. The can't help but get excited because OMG I am reading REAL LATIN.

And then again, maybe I am just all out of whack because everything in my world has been out of whack for the last month.

Possibly exacerbating the problem and my loneliness with CB working long hours is the fact that all my dear friends live elsewhere. I have friends here, sure, but they are work friends that I don't really hang out with regularly outside of school. I have one good friend from high school down here, but she is also married and spends the vast majority of her time hanging out with her husband who doesn't so much work the long hours on a regular basis. It is hard to find friends who will spontaneously go to the movies with you, or dinner, or lunch, or hunt through the racks at Ann Taylor Loft to find you cute clothes for a good deal. People you can call on a moment's notice who will say, "Yea, sure. I'll go with you." I had that in my last city, when CB and I were long distance. I had that in college. I don't have it anymore.

So, here I am. Married to a wonderful man who has a job that requires much of his time and energy, a job for which I respect him greatly, but am jealous of the time it takes. Living in a city I like (on most days, if I'm not driving). Working a job that isn't so much fulfilling like I want it to be. Overwhelmed by the generosity of friends and family and befuddled by where to store it and the amount of thanks I have yet to express. And lonely.

It's been a rough go of it since I've been back in the States.

Bad blogger with excuses

T-6, pretty much 5 by now, days until the WEDDING. And once it's all over, I will be able to breath... and blog... regularly again.

Tomorrow is my second to last day of work before I head up to Dallas to take care of final preparations and get ready to marry my wonderful husband, again, in a chapel with a minister this time. : )

I am so excited for the day, and yet so excited for the day to be over so that my life can just be centered around teaching, cheer coaching and hanging out. No more wedding thoughts hanging out in the bag of my mind, crowding my schedule.

And, I've almost finished my first whole semester in a new place! Teaching elementary kids! Coaching middle school girls! Without the immediate presence of my friend and mentor PR to tell me what to do. I survived on my own, and, from what my co-workers tell me, I've settled in nicely. It brings relief to my heart and soul to know I can do this on my own.

Now... December 19, please get here.

PS: CB has conveniently returned to his medical school for mandatory meetings and classes until Thursday. Way to escape, sir, way to escape. : )

The Final Week

Today marks the final countdown to moving day: June 22! 7 days and suddenly I'm living in a different city. My life is currently a mess... and by life... I mean my apartment. View:

For those who know me, you know what this used to look like. For those who don't, you should imagine boxes of shoes up to the ceiling all the way around those shelves. It took 4 large boxes and 2 wardrobe boxes filled with only shoes to get them all packed. Ugh.

My living room. Note the massive disarray of everything, the empty wall unit save the tv and dvd player, the boxes invading my space.

The dining room. Again, boxes invading my life, packed boxes, boxes waiting to be packing, packing materials all over.

The main location for packed boxes: in front of my formerly packed bookshelves.

Besides all the boxes, my life has been seriously overcrowded with extra furniture. My mom bought CB and I brand new bedroom furniture as a wedding gift. It is beautiful furniture (4 poster bed- the posts look like Roman columns, a huge new dresser, a new nightstand), but it cramps my bedroom which already has a dresser and nightstands, etc. Tomorrow I will have an extra couch- a beautiful one- but nonetheless, an extra one. I will have to basically cram it in my living room, and on Saturday? The final piece of my old bedroom furniture will be moved here from my mom's house. It has taken me two years to get it out of there. Oops. What am I doing with it you ask? Well, as my new house has 3 bedrooms all my old bedroom furniture is going in the guest bedroom, only the bed will be a queen size rather than my former twin.

So yea. Crowded apartment to say the least. I am going to warn the movers when they call to confirm on Thursday/Friday that really they should consider this a 2 bedroom apartment move. Luckily all this stuff means that we will perfectly fit into our new house. No empty rooms here! My mom has been incredibly generous, and CB's parents our providing us with a refridgerator. This means the only thing we have to buy when we get there is a washer and dryer. THANK YOU PARENTS. We love you.

In exciting news, I got to take home my wedding dress today. It is currently hanging in my bedroom, but I am bringing it to my mom's this Saturday to keep it until the wedding. I am so excited... I just want to wear it ALL the time. Want to see it?

This is all you get:

Inside that pink garment bag is my glorious dress. I cannot wait.

In the meantime, back to packing. I'm hoping to get all of my office area done today. That would be nice.

And then things were looking up!

I am done. With my job. I moved out of my classroom. Entered all my grades. Monday I return my keys.  I am jobless. But I am not all that worried about it currently. 

There is time. I am a teacher, and sometimes jobs don't come up until right before school starts. And if one doesn't? I am going to be a tutoring MACHINE. Which is actually fairly lucrative. 

There is air conditioning in my car. And in my apartment. 

I started packing my apartment- granted- it's only 6 boxes right now, and an entire apartment to go... but hey, it's a start. 

My BFF and Maid of Honor (MOH), CD, and I chatted a few days ago. She is moving back to the states from Paris in JULY! YAAY! And we had good chats about my wedding. And life. And boys.

Today I hired a 'day of' wedding coordinator. Cool.

Mostly I am excited that 2 years and 5 days ago, CB and I had a conversation about long distance while we were driving back from Galveston, after having viewed the Battleship Texas. It went something like this:

me: So, uh, if we are going to do this... if we are going to be long distance... we have got to have some kind of plan. There has got to be a light at the end of the tunnel, because, well, I've done this before and it sucks. It needs to have a definite plan for an end.

CB: Well, I guess I always kind of assumed that, uh, well... Medical school is funny, because the first 2 years are strictly academic, in the classroom, and the last 2 are clinical clerkships in hospitals, and we can go almost anywhere for those. Well, I guess I figured that once 2nd year was over you would come with me wherever I go for 3rd year. 

me: Well. You know I am not leaving my entire life behind- my family, a good job, and my friends- unless I have a very pretty ring on my finger. I just can't do it. 

CB: Yea, I know that. Of course. That's fine. 

me: Okay. So I guess that's it then. 2 years long distance and then no more. 

CB: Yea.

me: UGH 2 years is a long time. What if we don't make it? What if we are horrible at this?... (a plethora of other worries)

CB: It will be fine. We will be fine. We will work super hard and communicate well and we will see each other as often as possible and it will work.

(2 YEAAAARS AND 22 DAYS LATER)(AKA: 17 days from now)

Moving into our house in San Antonio. : )

ANNNND, CB not only passed pathology... his grade RAISED because he did so well on the final shelf exam. Yea. That's right. He is awesome.

LASTLY,

this really difficult Latin exam I have been stressing about. I did a the first 2 sections of a practice test last night, and I only missed 5. And they were all centered on the same concept- which means if I can really get that concept down, I will be awesome.

And I mastered this process called "scansion,"  which in Latin means reading a line of poetry (in Latin) and figuring out the proper pronunciation of the line via long syllables and short syllables. It involves dactyls and spondees and funny markings. That may mean nothing to you, but I have been so freaking excited about it since last night. I can't get over it. I want to scan excessive lines of Latin poetry and get everything right because it feels so good. 

For the next 2.5 weeks:

Excessive packing

Reading Latin/practicing Latin/scansion!/taking practice tests

Working out, because I need it, badly

The End. 

OH... and by the way...

I have had a few people go all judgey-judgerson about the fact that I am getting legally married in June. This has been communicated by faces that seem to say: "Oh, poor you. Now your ceremony in Dec. won't mean anything." or "Oh. You cheater. You just want to make it easier to live together and have sex without feeling bad."

It has also been communicated with words such as: "Oh yea, I heard that you're getting eloped (wtf kind of English is that?!, by the way)(AND, does it even count as eloping if all the parents know and are more than approving of it, and they are still having a big wedding for you?). So are you just going to fake getting married in front of all those people in December?"

The tone was nice, the words were not. As a matter of fact, NO, I am not planning on 'faking' getting married. I will actually be getting married, minister and all, and it will have meaning. Why? Because all the people that will be there know and love CB and I, and fully understand that the BIG deal is in Dec, and that it is equally as important as us getting married in June. And NO, we are not doing it just to make it easier to live together and have the sexes... it actually has nothing to do with this.  And who are you to say the Dec. wedding won't mean anything?! Trust me, it will, and I am so excited for it. 

So I should just say this, if you have a problem with what we are doing, that is, getting legally married in June and having our big ceremony/celebration with family and friends in December, then you should just keep your opinion to yourself. CB, myself, and our families are quite confident about what we are doing, and we are excited and joyful. There is more than one way to do things, folks. Get over it, please.

Thanks, bye : )

Pedicures and Orange Cup with Ms...

Today was the day I spent an afternoon with 3 junior high girls. Sweet girls. The ones who are quiet in class, drowned out by the excessively chatty outgoing girls. 

For those of you who might be wondering why I would be hanging out with junior high girls at the mall: It has to do with this auction my school holds every year. Teachers are encouraged to contribute their time or skills to this as items to bid on, and I was contacted by someone helping with the auction and asked to enter something. She came up with the idea of an afternoon shopping with me, including pedicures and Orange Cup. I agreed and apparently the afternoon with me sold for $680. I was completely flattered by the amount it went for, but also felt a little bit like a fake- as I am really not all that exciting or cool in real life.

 I was slightly overwhelmed by the fact that I, not being a mother or even a babysitter ever in my life(save one horrid summer of nannying), had no idea what to do with 13-14 year old girls. I think the 10-11 year age gap has something to do with that.  Luckily, the parent-teacher organization at my school provided us with a gift certificate for pedicures and a delicious treat I had never had called Orange Cup. 

All in all, it was both fun and exhausting.  I understand why my mom spent my childhood telling me not to touch things in stores and I had to suppress the urge to tell these girls the same thing as we walked in and out of pricey boutiques. I did say, on more than one occasion: Just don't break anything. Please. 

Other Stuff:

The school year is ending. AKA: My time of having a job and salary is ending. 

I am very seriously considering NOT teaching this fall, not because I don't love it, but because hopefully I will be in a teaching certification program and working on studying for the GRE. CB has told me I can do absolutely whatever I want to do, as long as I am happy. This includes my not working idea. Or at least not working full-time. I can't not work. I just can't. 

On June 27th I have take the hardest Latin exam of my life. If I pass it, I will get accepted into an alternative cert. program in San Antonio. Passing it is the key. 

I wasn't planning on publicly announcing this here, but I think I'm going to simply because it makes it easier to talk about things. CB and I, with our parents' blessing and encouragement, are legally getting married in June. Happpyyy! Never fear... we are still having our beautiful wedding on Dec. 19 with a full ceremony and reception and everything; it just made more sense for us for get married legally in June (so I can be on military health insurance, what with the heart problem and all, so we can get all of the financial and legal affairs sorted out, etc. etc.). "Why not just have a big wedding in June anyway then? " you might ask. The answer is that CB is both in medical school, approaching 3rd year rapidly, and the United States Army. Dec. 19, 2009 was the ONLY date in the next 2 years on which he can have a big wedding celebration and honeymoon. We still consider Dec. 19 to be a very important and special day for the both of us, as this is our declaration in front of our friends and family and God that we are bound together for life. We see it as equally, if not more, important than our private June legal ceremony. Our parents won't even be with us in June, simply because we want the December ceremony to stand out and be special. So there's that. Happy 2 weddings for me! 

Please say some prayers...

I don't often publicly solicit prayer, and this might be stupid, but... whatever.

One of the dilemmas I have had with all the wedding planning is figuring out who on earth is actually going to perform the ceremony. Kind of important. I do not have a church that I regularly attend here, so it has been quite the challenge. The other issue is that CB is in the military, and medical school. He has a bit of a tight schedule. Most everyone requires extensive pre-marital counseling and one-on-one meetings. We do not have a problem with either of those things... it is just that CB and I will be in a different city than the one we are getting married in for the 6 months leading up to the wedding. CB can't just up and leave once a week either. Alas... this has caused some problems.

Until a dear friend recently referred us to her father, who is a retired Navy chaplain. When I spoke with him he was incredibly understanding of CB and I's situation (military... medical school... won't be in this area to do any pre-marital counseling meetings... and it goes on...). Having been in the military himself he knew of the difficulty CB has to go through to leave the city to go anywhere, etc. This man sounded like the perfect person to marry CB and I, but he has not officially said 'Yes, I will marry the two of you on Dec. 19, 2009." I am supposed to hear from him by Monday. So what is it that I want you to say prayers for? That he will agree to do long distance pre-marital counseling with us and perform our wedding ceremony in December. It has taken so long to find anyone who was even willing to consider working with our situation, so I am afraid that if he says no we will have to get married by someone off of a random wedding officiant selection site. That would be creepy. : (

Also... I have been meeting with florists. I am having a hard time because I am not very visual and I want something beautiful and within our budget- which isn't huge. ugh. Anyways. You can pray for my meeting tomorrow with another florist that they won't creep me out and they will be super nice and helpful with helping me envision something awesome. 

Newest additions to the wedding party!

I have a flower girl! And a ring bearer (hopefully... as that has not been confirmed quite yet).

This precious little girl will be my flower girl:

She is the daughter of my former cheerleading sponsor in high school, whom I was very close to throughout those years. After I graduated she went and got married and now has a beautiful daughter who will make the perfect flower throwing child. 

*Hopefully* the ring bearer will be this cute boy, sans Yoda hat:

I just chose that picture because I think the Yoda hat is hilarious. But he is pretty cute and is already friends with the flower girl. Hopefully they can make it down the aisle together.  This boy is the son of another one of my teachers in high school who was a favorite of us students.

Many of you might be shocked at my decision to add a ring bearer, as you know of my loathing of the stupid pillow ring bearers have to hold. But I figured it would be adorable to have these two 2 1/2 and 3 year olds trying to make it down the aisle together, and they make the pictures super cute. So there you go. I changed my mind, especially since I am connected to the parents of the kids.

YAYYYYY for a complete wedding party! 

Wedding Dressssssssssssssssss

I found my wedding dress today.

I wish I could post a picture of it... but I have to be careful so that CB doesn't see it. 

But I can tell you that I randomly picked this dress as a 6th option to try on, having never seen it in a magazine or anything, but liking some little details on it. 

It was the last dress I tried on, and I already had two strong frontrunners for the dress category... and then the lady pulled this dress over my head and I believe my words were, "Oh my gosh."

Annnd that is the dress. It made me teary and everything. And it's within the budget. Yesss.

Buying it on Wednesday. : )

I might not elope after all

Things resolved today:

My dad AND mom will walk me down the aisle on Dec. 19, 2009.

I know it sounds unusual... but anything to appease my mom.

I will have a father-daughter dance.

And then I will have a step-father daughter dance.

And my dad is perfectly okay with all of this.

And (for now) so is my mom.

My dad has been wonderful throughout this whole thing- reiterating that it is my wedding and therefore whatever I want or need to do, he is okay with it.

Annnnd....

(drumroll please)

I have a very very likely (dad says 100% if if I want it) reception venue.

The Tower Club. 48th floor of Thanksgiving Tower in Downtown.

Bargain deal.

Beautiful view. 3 sides are floor to ceiling windows. Chandeliers. OMG OMG OMG.

Now, no contract has been signed yet, so I am trying not to get my hopes up too high- because for all I know it could come crashing down next week, but I swear if this comes together I will thank God as much as I did when He provided for me staying at my (highly expensive) university all four years. Either way, I will thank God for letting me get married to such an incredible man, and regardless of my familial issues, I will thank God for both my parents being around for my wedding. 

But seriously- I have had nightmares about what I was going to do about the reception...

The economy is horrible. Dad is in danger of losing his job at all times. If dad loses his job, a large chunk of the funding for my wedding would disappear. In turn, this would cause a huge uproar between me and my mom. Mom would insist that if dad doesn't pay, he can't participate in the wedding, etc (I know this sounds wretched, and it really sucks, but you kind of have to know the extensive and nasty background of my family and parents and thier divorce/life after divorce). I was starting to think that I might not have a reception at all.  

Anyways, so I am so so thankful that God has, in part thus far, answered my prayers. Dad could still lose his job, but if we lock into this contract soon, it will be a done deal hopefully. I am just not getting too attached to the idea in case it all falls apart. So you should pray too, that God provides and holds my family- both sides- together. Not just for my wedding, but just in general. And perhaps, as long as you're praying, pray that mom learns to let go of that past. 

Other things I have been considering:

Since my wedding and reception will be in the afternoon, and end relatively early (around 6:15ish pm), CB and I are considering having an after party at some cool bar/dance place/restaurant that has bar and dancing in the city... CB and I leave reception- people throw crap at us... we get into limo and arrive at hotel... go upstairs... change... do married stuff... then go to party, where we aren't paying for the drinks. And everyone dances and has a raging good time. We leave party and return to hotel. Sleep. Leave for honeymoon ASAP in the morning. Good idea, no? 

I need your votes!

Okay, so, as very apparent by my many posts about getting engaged and wedding planning, I am in the midst of planning a wedding for December 19, 2009 (yayyy!). The ceremony site is booked and paid for, and the next MAJOR thing is the reception site. I have narrowed it down to my top 3 choices (though these could change... maybe), and now I would like to hear your thoughts on them and which one you think is best.

Important information to know before you vote:

My wedding will be around 1:30-1:45ish in the afternoon (siiiigh, I wish it was later).
It is December, and December 19 is three days before the shortest day of the year, which means sunset will probably occur right at the beginning/near beginning of the reception.
I want dancing, heavy hor'deuvres, champagne, cake and delicious catering.
I want people to throw rose petals at CB and I whenever we leave. Which means we have to somehow leave.
The guest list is hovering around 100 people.

Okay, now for your options.

Option #1: The Tower Club

Brief info/why I like:
Tower Club is located on the 48th floor of Thanksgiving Tower in Downtown. It has floor to ceiling windows surrounding the entire thing. My dad ('s company) owns the building, and seeing as how my dad is vice president and deals with the Tower Club's leasing specifically, we think he might be able to swing a deal with them. *OH, and free parking for guests. Since dad's company owns the building and all.

The Website:
http://www.clubcorp.com/club/scripts/library/view_document.asp?S=NAV&DID=14409&GRP=10&NS=PCH&MFCODE=TOWDS&SUBGRP=25

Option #2: The Stoneleigh Hotel

Brief info/why I like:
Stoneleigh Hotel is classic. It is old and full of history, as it was built in 1923. It is gorgeous. I have no lucky connections there whatsoever, but my mom loves it and it is her top choice for this affair. It comes with catering by a magnificent chef.

The Website:
http://www.stoneleighhotel.com/
http://www.stoneleighhotel.com/dallas-weddings/index.html

Option #3: Las Colinas Country Club

Brief info/why I like:
Las Colinas CC is owned by ClubCorp, which also owns Tower Club. My dad has special privileges at all ClubCorp clubs given his relationship with Tower Club. Potential to get a good deal at any ClubCorp club. It is a fair distance away from my ceremony site- which is good- because it allows us time to to take photographs as well as lets more time pass so the ceremony can start later.

The Website:
http://www.clubcorp.com/club/scripts/library/view_document.asp?DN=LD_EVENTS_LCOCC&GRP=10&NS=PCH&MFCODE=LCOCC&SUBGRP=25

Okay, now you tell me, which do you think is the best place for the reception AND, if you were attending this wedding, which place do you think would be the most fun/beautiful/tasty?

: ) Thanks for making all my decisions for me. Bye.

Let the freaking out commence

Things I know for sure:

I am engaged
CB and I agreed that December 19, 2009 is the best (read: basically only feasible) day for us to get married.
That date is apprx. 14 months away.
I am a teacher.
I still have a lot of responsibilities to take care of with my job (duh.)
There is a LOT of stuff that goes into planning a wedding.
Weddings cost a LOT of monies.
Budgeting is not my strength. And I am dreading talking about it with my parents.
I just want to take a big nap.

I went and looked at wedding planning books today. They made me freak out. I had to walk away from them.

Who knew that so much random crap went into planning this day?

14 months, Lauren. 14 months.

Just find a location and take a deep breath.