For I know the plans I have for you...

You know that moment when everything seems to be going perfectly the way you planned it? Everything seems to be falling into place as it should, and it almost seems to good to be true? 

That is where I was yesterday.

And then today came.

Yesterday CB and I had paid a deposit on the most perfect little house in SA.

Yesterday CB and I were moving to SA on June 22. 

Yesterday CB was fairly confident he was moving on to third year of medical school this July.

Yesterday I was thinking that it was all too good to be true.

Today we found out that the perfect little house that we had paid a deposit on was actually leased on Friday.

Today CB found out that if he did not pass his pathology final he will have to repeat 2nd year of medical school.

Today we aren't 100% sure if it will be SA we will be moving to, or if I will move to DC. 

And today, I still don't know where I will be working next year, or even if I will be able to find a job.

Medical school has been a concern for CB and I for awhile. We knew that his pharmacology class didn't go well- that he most likely made a D.  He was literally ONE question from a C.  He has been passing pathology leading up to the exam, but it is borderline. If he failed the final exam- a shelf exam (meaning it is standardized by the American Board of Medical Examiners)- he would get a D in pathology. He thinks he did okay, but we should all say a lot of prayers anyway. 

CB is brilliant, though these grades do not seem to reflect that. It sucks, and it is a blow to his pride, because he is not dumb. CB is a very hands on learner, and these classes are not hands on classes. These are memorize hundreds upon hundreds of pharmaceuticals and be able to recall the exact protein in the body they work with and what they do to it. Imagine spending 12-14 hours a day studying, staying at the library until 4:30 am for nights in row studying, and still not producing a passing test. 

CB is the exact kind of person one wants for a doctor. He has the bedside manner most doctors are missing. He can perform clinical skills like one wouldn't believe. This stuff is information that EVEN THE PROFESSORS admit that, if they even need to know it, they look up. This process, these classes, this torture, is a kind of initiation, and it could be done in a better way, a way in which the students actually learn information instead of cramming it. My heart aches for CB. I can't even describe with words how much I ache for CB. He is not dumb. He is very smart and very cabable and he deserves to be a doctor. 

Now we don't even know what is going to happen. Best case? He passes pathology and moves onto 3rd year. 2nd to worst case? He repeats 2nd year. He only has to repeat all core courses, which is only 6 classes (trust me- a LOT less than what he had this year). Worst case, God forbid? Disenrollment. 

Even if best case occurs, we don't have a house to live in. I don't have a job, and the one job I even have to look into hasn't contacted me back though I have emailed, sent snail mail and called. 

This is that point in life that people talk about.  The point where you thought you had it all figured out, thought you had a plan... and then you didn't anymore. 

All I can do is pray. A lot. Pray that God shows the clear path for what we're supposed to do now. Pray that CB passes pathology. Pray that God takes care of us. Pray that we can be graceful in handling this. Pray that we can get over our pride being destroyed. Thank God that He knows exactly what's going to come of this. Thank God that he says, he promises, that he knows the plans he has for me/us. That he has plans to prosper us, not to harm us. And that is all I have to lean on. Thank you God, for Jeremiah 29:11. 

Perhaps you could pray too? That everything comes together as it should. That we continue to support each other and stand by each other.  That CB passes pathology.