DOOMSDAY HATH ARRIVETH

Today CB is taking the USMLE Step 1 (United States Medical Licensing Exam- Step 1 of 3). Today's test determines CB's medical school future and career. Today may possibly be the most important day of his life (aside from marrying me... duh : ) ).

If you are the praying sort, pray that he will remember all that he has studied over the past 5 weeks (not to mention the 2 years of coursework), approximately 11 hours a day. Pray that he will get the version of the test that has less Pharmacology and more Pathology. Pray that his nerves are calm. Pray that he is focused and can think clearly. Pray that he is overall calm. Pray that his text anxiety is enough to keep him on his toes and focused, but low enough that he doesn't blank out. Pray that he can remember the words- especially the drugs- and the differences between them. Pray that this goes better than any practice test he has attempted. Pray that he scores around a 200 or better.

If you are the finger crossing sort, cross your fingers.

If you are the lucky rabbit's foot sort, rub the rabbit's foot.

If you are the well wisher sort, wish him well.

If you are the good vibe sender sort, send over some good vibes.

If you are the Buddhist sort, rub Buddha's belly for him.

Whatever you are, please please please keep CB in your thoughts and prayers. I know he isn't dying, but this is life goal, his dream, his passion. I don't want him to lose his chance to achieve his goal. I don't want to see him devastated. I don't want to see his hard work, his hours of studying, his constant efforts to memorize so many things in such short time go to waste. I don't want to see his good heart, his kindness, his ability to work with people and help people feel better, his good clinical skills (because believe me, in this area he excels in school), his desire to help people, his desire to make a difference, what will eventually be a phenomenol bedside manner go to waste.

I often pray for God's will to happen in this situation. I know in my brain that whatever it outcome is, it is probably what was supposed to happen, but I cannot reconcile myself to the idea of CB not continuing medical school, not when it is what he so desperately wants to do and what I know he will be so good at. At the end of the day, whatever will be, will be, but in the meantime I am going to pray like hell that whatever will be, will be CB in medical school.

And if not? I will be proud of him. I will be proud of his hard work. I will be proud of his determination. I will more than anything be proud of his continuing positivity and perseverance in the face of what was one letdown, one beating, one disappointment after another. And I will stand by him and know that he has done his absolute best and given it his all, and I will never be ashamed.

But he deserves this. He deserves his chance at being a doctor. And when he gets there, you will be damn lucky to be his patient.

And the heart attack commences

I have spent so much money in the past 2 weeks I want to crawl under a rock.

My dog's potential parasite issue.

My cat's peeing on a pile of dirty clothes...

Annnd cat has a UTI. Mass amount of veterinarian costs.

My book problem. $100 dollars on books... at a used book store. Really?

Over $200 dollars for engagement photo prints.

Lots of money on boxes.

Money on packing materials.

Money on animal foods.

Money on human foods.

MONEY MONEY MONEY.

I feel like I'm drowning in expenses, and I can't wait to just shut my wallet for a good month or several.

Something is wrong in the universe

I read a lot of blogs. I empathize with the people whose blogs I read. I want to hug these people (in a very, very NON creepy, safe way). I wish I was good friends with a large chunk of them because they make me laugh, make me think, and make me want to have conversations with them.

But lately, the vast majority of my blog friends have been sad, down or depressed. It's not just one; it's several. And to add to this, CB has been having a hell of a hard time dealing with medical school (long story short: the student promotions committee recommended him for disenrollment for making a D in his 12 hour pharmacology course, though it is perfectly within the limits of the school's policies, though he has met all qualifications to continue onto 3rd year of medical school. Basically he now needs to do phenomenally well on his Step 1 test this Friday if he wants to stay in medical school. No pressure or anything.).

I know I don't know most of these people, aside from a couple, and those I do know I don't really ever hang out with in real life, but my heart aches for these people. I want to tell them all that it will all be okay in time (cliche), that there are people out there who don't even know them and still care about them and their well-being.

Something is wrong in the universe that so many people are hurting right now for all kinds of reasons.

Something is wrong in the universe that I only think just now that something is wrong in the universe because the people I happen to read are hurting, when really, thousands if not millions hurt everyday.

I wish someone would fix the universe.

The Final Week

Today marks the final countdown to moving day: June 22! 7 days and suddenly I'm living in a different city. My life is currently a mess... and by life... I mean my apartment. View:

For those who know me, you know what this used to look like. For those who don't, you should imagine boxes of shoes up to the ceiling all the way around those shelves. It took 4 large boxes and 2 wardrobe boxes filled with only shoes to get them all packed. Ugh.

My living room. Note the massive disarray of everything, the empty wall unit save the tv and dvd player, the boxes invading my space.

The dining room. Again, boxes invading my life, packed boxes, boxes waiting to be packing, packing materials all over.

The main location for packed boxes: in front of my formerly packed bookshelves.

Besides all the boxes, my life has been seriously overcrowded with extra furniture. My mom bought CB and I brand new bedroom furniture as a wedding gift. It is beautiful furniture (4 poster bed- the posts look like Roman columns, a huge new dresser, a new nightstand), but it cramps my bedroom which already has a dresser and nightstands, etc. Tomorrow I will have an extra couch- a beautiful one- but nonetheless, an extra one. I will have to basically cram it in my living room, and on Saturday? The final piece of my old bedroom furniture will be moved here from my mom's house. It has taken me two years to get it out of there. Oops. What am I doing with it you ask? Well, as my new house has 3 bedrooms all my old bedroom furniture is going in the guest bedroom, only the bed will be a queen size rather than my former twin.

So yea. Crowded apartment to say the least. I am going to warn the movers when they call to confirm on Thursday/Friday that really they should consider this a 2 bedroom apartment move. Luckily all this stuff means that we will perfectly fit into our new house. No empty rooms here! My mom has been incredibly generous, and CB's parents our providing us with a refridgerator. This means the only thing we have to buy when we get there is a washer and dryer. THANK YOU PARENTS. We love you.

In exciting news, I got to take home my wedding dress today. It is currently hanging in my bedroom, but I am bringing it to my mom's this Saturday to keep it until the wedding. I am so excited... I just want to wear it ALL the time. Want to see it?

This is all you get:

Inside that pink garment bag is my glorious dress. I cannot wait.

In the meantime, back to packing. I'm hoping to get all of my office area done today. That would be nice.

BOREDOM

As it turns out... even though I have so much to do, I am totally bored. My only cheif responsibilities for the next 2 weeks are packing my apartment and studying Latin for my test and I am SOOO bored. There isn't even anything on TV to entertain my brain while I mindless put stuff in boxes.

It is making me eat... a lot. Which is bad.

Ugh.

HOUSE PICTURES

OUR CUTE BOX HOUSE IN SA!

So now that we have signed a lease, I feel comfortable putting up some pictures of our house. Remember... we are leasing, not buying, so it's not perfect, but I do really love it. (The pictures seem to have posted backwards, sorry they aren't in any sensical order).

The guest bathroom (has a slight southwestern, ranchy flare):

The tub area in the master bath:

The utility closet/panty/laundry room (it keeps going to the right, but I didn't take a picture, annnd uhhh... other people's crap):

A portion of the kitchen, which I failed to get a better shot of:

Master bedroom (is HUGE, picture doesn't do it justice):

Master Bathroom:

The backyard deck area:

The backyard, or at least one half of it:

The dining room, and the kitchen is through that peephole area (PS: Other people's crap still in it at the time)

The living room (open to the dining room, and again, OTHER PEOPLE'S CRAP) And when you walk into the house, the stairs are in front of you and this area is immediately to the left:

In addition to all pictured here, there are 2 more bedrooms and one more bathroom. : )

I am pretty excited. 

And then things were looking up!

I am done. With my job. I moved out of my classroom. Entered all my grades. Monday I return my keys.  I am jobless. But I am not all that worried about it currently. 

There is time. I am a teacher, and sometimes jobs don't come up until right before school starts. And if one doesn't? I am going to be a tutoring MACHINE. Which is actually fairly lucrative. 

There is air conditioning in my car. And in my apartment. 

I started packing my apartment- granted- it's only 6 boxes right now, and an entire apartment to go... but hey, it's a start. 

My BFF and Maid of Honor (MOH), CD, and I chatted a few days ago. She is moving back to the states from Paris in JULY! YAAY! And we had good chats about my wedding. And life. And boys.

Today I hired a 'day of' wedding coordinator. Cool.

Mostly I am excited that 2 years and 5 days ago, CB and I had a conversation about long distance while we were driving back from Galveston, after having viewed the Battleship Texas. It went something like this:

me: So, uh, if we are going to do this... if we are going to be long distance... we have got to have some kind of plan. There has got to be a light at the end of the tunnel, because, well, I've done this before and it sucks. It needs to have a definite plan for an end.

CB: Well, I guess I always kind of assumed that, uh, well... Medical school is funny, because the first 2 years are strictly academic, in the classroom, and the last 2 are clinical clerkships in hospitals, and we can go almost anywhere for those. Well, I guess I figured that once 2nd year was over you would come with me wherever I go for 3rd year. 

me: Well. You know I am not leaving my entire life behind- my family, a good job, and my friends- unless I have a very pretty ring on my finger. I just can't do it. 

CB: Yea, I know that. Of course. That's fine. 

me: Okay. So I guess that's it then. 2 years long distance and then no more. 

CB: Yea.

me: UGH 2 years is a long time. What if we don't make it? What if we are horrible at this?... (a plethora of other worries)

CB: It will be fine. We will be fine. We will work super hard and communicate well and we will see each other as often as possible and it will work.

(2 YEAAAARS AND 22 DAYS LATER)(AKA: 17 days from now)

Moving into our house in San Antonio. : )

ANNNND, CB not only passed pathology... his grade RAISED because he did so well on the final shelf exam. Yea. That's right. He is awesome.

LASTLY,

this really difficult Latin exam I have been stressing about. I did a the first 2 sections of a practice test last night, and I only missed 5. And they were all centered on the same concept- which means if I can really get that concept down, I will be awesome.

And I mastered this process called "scansion,"  which in Latin means reading a line of poetry (in Latin) and figuring out the proper pronunciation of the line via long syllables and short syllables. It involves dactyls and spondees and funny markings. That may mean nothing to you, but I have been so freaking excited about it since last night. I can't get over it. I want to scan excessive lines of Latin poetry and get everything right because it feels so good. 

For the next 2.5 weeks:

Excessive packing

Reading Latin/practicing Latin/scansion!/taking practice tests

Working out, because I need it, badly

The End.