Update from yesterday's shameless advertising

The human resources called me back this morning. I was definitely asleep when she called, so I had to quickly make myself sound composed like I'd been awake for hours.

She congratulated me on getting married (I had mentioned that I needed my name to be changed on all my application info stuff for the district), and asked a few questions about the test and the program.

Then there was the: Unfortunately we have no available Latin positions at this time.

BUT, I do want to make sure to include you should anything become available. You really never know what's going to happen. Last year we thought we were clear, but then all of the sudden in August and September we suddenly needed 3 teachers. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please let that happen in Latin!!!!!!).

Then she followed this with: I don't want to burst your bubble, but in case nothing comes up this year, we are opening a brand new high school next year, in August 2010, and we will most likely need Latin teachers. So in case there is nothing now, keep that in mind.

What this woman doesn't realize is that even though she isn't giving me a job, she is giving me a lot of hope and a lot of opportunities to make myself more employable. Or maybe she does realize it. Either way, I am pretty grateful she is keeping me in mind and keeps pushing me to do more.

Because THEN, she said, "Okay, now let's talk about your options. What if a job doesn't come up for this year. What are you going to do?"

Me: "Well, if that were the case I would tutor as much as possible and probably try to substitute."

HR lady: "Excellent, (something about substituting being a great idea). Have you feeled (edit: omg, did I really write 'feeled' instead of 'filled'? shoot me now.) out the substitute application?

Me: "No."

HR: "Okay, well that is a separate application to fill out. Once you get it filled out, read the website and there will be a list of things you need to bring. It is first come, first serve, so make sure you come as soon as possible to be considered. Substituting is a great way to get experience and learn from others."

Me: "Okay, thank you so much."

HR lady: "Make sure you let me know when you get your test scores in, and when you complete the first part of your alternative cert. training."

Me: "Of course, thank you again, so much."

So, clearly, no job leads, but one really really nice Human Resources Lady who is helping me tremendously.

Oh, and after she told me about the substitute application, I immediately pounced out of bed (that's right, I slept UPSTAIRS last night, alone, while CB was still out of town. Go me!) and filled out the application online.

I read on the site that there were only certain dates and times the substitute office was open, and that TODAY was the last day until Monday that it would be open, and only until 11am.

I really had to rush this if I was going to get in there today. I filled out the W-4 form, and the I-9 form, and printed the w-4 form, and prin... waiiit, why wasn't my printer printing anymore? No I-9? effff?! I tried everything. Messing with ink cartridges, trying to print it on CB's computer. Nothing. The I-9 did NOT want to come out today. So alas, I did not make it to the substitute office today. But I assure you, come 8 am Monday morning, I will be first in line. The good news is that everything else is in order except that effing I-9 form.

In the meantime: CB comes home today!!!! Yayayay!

Meeting with alternative cert. program tomorrow! Yayayay!

Still have lots of unpacking... boooo.

PS: There are certainly a lot of hoops to jump through to become a certified teacher/teacher in a public school. It makes my legs tired.

Shamelessly advertising myself

I have emailed so many schools over the past few months that I am beginning to feel like an incredible pest. Hi, read my cover letter and resume. Hi, read my application. Hi, do you have any Latin teaching positions available? Hi, I know I'm not certified, but I'm willing to get that way real quick.

No. No. No. NO. NO. I've heard a lot of that lately. Much more nicely though, because people in SA? They're really freaking nice overall. And if I haven't heard, "No."? Then I've heard nothing. Silence. The silence of being ignored. It's surreal. I think I'd rather hear, "No," than be ignored.

I set up an appointment with an alternative certification program today. The same one which helped me get my Latin EXCET exam set up (Yea, little did you know you have to be backed by a program to get in to take one of these tests... or at least have to promise that you WILL try to get into one once you've taken it).

Once I set up that appointment and filled out the program's application, I called the human resources woman of the school district who turned me down a long time ago to let her know my status. (She had actually requested that I let her know when I had taken the test, etc.). On her voicemail, I shamelessly advertised myself some more: Hi, remember me? You wouldn't/couldn't hire me because I wasn't in an alt. cert. program? Okay, well look! I've taken that uber important test! I am meeting with the alt. cert. program on Thursday! They consider me highly qualified! Do you have any other Latin positions available at this moment? (I happen to be in the know about one of their other high schools needing a Latin teacher.) Can you consider me now, please? Oh, and please let me shamelessly suck up while I thank you so much for putting me in contact with this program. I truly appreciate it. You can call me back at: xxx-xxx-xxxx. Thanks, bye!

Okay, so it was a lot better sounding when I actually left it. It was a composed, collected, cool voicemail. And I wasn't really trying to suck up by thanking her- I really am grateful for her help. But really? I felt like that was what I sounded like. Shamelessly advertising myself and continuously running after every last little lead I hear about... like a dog chasing bones.

In the meantime? I have been sleeping on the couch because CB is out of town and I am too afraid to sleep upstairs alone. Awesome.

First Day Alone

CB is in the DC for a few days to start his 3rd year of medical school- then back here to begin the actual in-hospital work.

I should have a lot to say about the first few days of being married, but unfortunately, I don't. We got married and then I turned into a study machine to finish looking over stuff for my Latin Excet, which I took yesterday. Then, I got sick. Then, he had to leave to go to DC today. And that, my friends, is exactly what I've done since getting married.

Currently I am still sick. I have done exactly nothing today except lay on the couch and watch a Law and Order marathon (probably not so good since it may send me into paranoia mode when night falls), hoping that my excessive rest will help whatever virus I have to pass by.

If you were to ask me about the Excet, I would say that it was long, it was hard, and I have no idea how I did. I knew a lot of the stuff on there. But then again, there was some stuff that I had to do my best to make educated guesses. My mentor and friend, PR, tells me this: If I pass it, fantastic. Incredible, considering all I've done in the week before the test. If I don't pass? Whatever, I moved and got married and was getting sick while I was trying to take it. It's not like I'm failing out of something if I don't pass. I'll just study up and take it again.

I like her stance on the matter.

There is one teacher, whom I don't know, but I know a teacher who works with this teacher, who had to take it 3 times to pass it. In fairness to her, so you don't judge her and think she's an idiot, this is some seriously. seriously. seriously. difficult Latin. I am really hoping and praying that I passed, and there is a small part of me that feels like maybe I did, as there was a good bulk of questions that I KNOW I got right, another bulk of questions that I was confident about, but not certain, and then the minority of the three- the questions that I didn't feel confident about. Of these, there were only 30 or so out of 120. (Doesn't sound long right? And then you find out that they give you 5 hours to take it and it took me over half of that time to finish.)

If I don't pass, which I'm not ruling out yet, I know exactly what I need to do to study. I can't study anymore grammar. Grammar was not the issue. I knew all the grammar. What I need is to read Julius Caesar and Cicero (in Latin, of course). These were the two authors whose passages came up again and again on the test and on whose passages I tended to feel pretty weak.

We'll see in 3 weeks how it went.

As for being married? I am very slowly getting used to the titles "wife and husband." On the first day, CB kept calling me his wife in various circumstances, and while I am proud and happy to be such, it most definitely freaked me out to hear myself called that. I told him and he said we could slowly ease into referring to each other as that. Not that I want to be referred to as 'fiance,' or 'girlfriend' or anything else, I just need time to adjust to the thought of actually being someone's 'wife.'

And then today my mom asked me how the first time having my husband away was. Weird, mom. Weird. She laughed at me.

Another weird thing for me: NOT HAVING MY LAST NAME. I haven't had my driver's license changed yet, so when I was at the testing center yesterday everything was done under my old name. I miss my name. A lot is attached to a name. An entire identity, even. And now my old name, my old identity, isn't mine. I have a new name, and it makes me feel like I lost my identity in some weird way. My entire job centered on that old name: I was Miss C., not Mrs. B. I was LC. Not LB. Now, whatever new job I have, there will be a new name to come with me. It's surreal. Logically, I know this isn't true. I haven't lost any identity. I am still me. I am still the same person. But the name change throws me off.

Please don't mistake my ponderings and awkwardness about these marital things as doubts about whether I did the right thing, or some bad omen. I am a naturally anxious person. My chest got tight after CB proposed. I almost had a heart attack when I lived alone for the first time after college- I was a mess for 3 months. Change- BIG change- just freaks me out. And these are good changes. I don't stay up all night worrying about it. I know that in time, I will be used to being called CB's wife, and I will happily sign the name LB, and I will have little routines and traditions that are specific to where I'm at now.

I do miss my old life though. I miss my old apartment, and the crazy neighbors. I miss seeing my old last name in my mailbox. I miss students calling out, "Miss C.!!! Miss C.!!" I miss the fact that at this very moment I would be driving over to my mom's for Sunday dinner with my mom and my brother, his gf, and my stepdad. I miss calling my dad on any day of the week and asking if he wants to meet for dinner.

But I love this life too. I love this city. I love the house we live in. I love CB. I even am sort of fond of unpacking my old life and making it part of this life. I love this too, I just haven't fully settled in yet.

The Actuality of 'Living with another person'

Today marks day 4 (I don't count moving day ...read on...) of living with CB. Today is the first day we have had internet or TV. Today is the day before my huge Latin test (vomit).

Today is my first full 24 hours of being married. Yesterday CB and I finally made it down to the courthouse to deal with the getting married legally business. I was a nervous wreck, CB was fine. It is just like us for me to get cold feet and him to be absolutely calm and resolute. The judge that married us was hilarious, and made the situation as exactly informal as I had wanted it to be. No fancy vows, no ring exchange (we did this later)... just a quick: Do you promise to take care of him whether he is good or bad? I do. And the same for her? To take care of her whether she is good or bad? I do. The end. Husband and wife. The judge kept making jokes and asked if he was ruining a great friendship by doing this. We laughed a lot, and then we had 2 absolute strangers sign as our witnesses. It was the most non-traditional thing I have ever done.

Afterwards I felt sad that our families weren't there to witness it, but there wasn't really anything to witness. Afterwards we went out in front of the courthouse, which was beautiful, and sat by the fountain and exchanged wedding bands. Mine is a super simple white gold band- for now. December will now be the most special, momentous occasion for us as there will be formal vows, a prettier diamond wedding band, family and friends to celebrate with and witness the occasion, a pretty wedding gown, and a handsome groom in a tux. It will be a wedding.

As of now, we are legally married. I have already gone to the social security office to change my name. CB will be taking a copy of the marriage license (which, by the way, had been dated wrong by the judge initially-July 25 instead of June 25. It has since been corrected.) back to DC this Sunday to turn it into the proper Army officials so I can begin the daunting task of getting a military dependent ID and insurance, etc. I don't plan on actually using the name for most things until December, except official paperwork, and my twitter I suppose.

The past 4 days have been a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. It is hard to write them all here so I will put them in list form below. They will be random and probably out of order but I will do my best to be coherent.

- OMG, why are the movers effing 2 hours late?!!?!

- Yay movers, for quilting all my furniture!

- Boo movers, for taking 6 hours to load my apartment and not finishing until 5 pm the day of my move.

- I just want to get to SA already.

- (upon walking into the house) OMG. CB's crap is everywhere. This is a mess.

- What did I just do? I just moved away from home. Why did I do that?

- I'm so effing broke.

- Ahh! I am not used to having someone pay for, quite literally, everything. Dates? Of course. But the rent? The new washer and dryer? The groceries? My life?

- Does this mean he owns me? (no!)

- I wish I had a job so I could help contribute to this financially.

- But I AM contributing. He pays for everything, but I freaking filled this entire house with everything in it.

- I still wish I had a job.

- I have the best fiance/husband ever. He makes such a good point when he talks about all the money being in one pot and us sharing it; it doesn't belong to just one of us.

- I still wish I had a job.

- OMG I am married. What did I just do? Freak out. Tight chest. Scary. This is forever. Please stop calling me 'wife'.

- I miss my last name.

- I am married. But it is okay, because this is CB you're married to. Could you be any luckier?

- You will get used to this. This= Living in a new city. Being away from home. Being married. A new last name. Living in a house. Sharing stuff.

- I just wish I could unpack everything all the way through until it's done. Effing Latin test.

Anyways, there is more. I will write more details later. Mostly, it will suffice to say that this has been one enormous week of change in my life and it freaks me out at least once a day.

Must go study Latin. Can't wait until that test is over.

It is finished

I am done packing. Aside from the sheets on my bed and the cleaning supplies and what I need to be hygenic for tonight and tomorrow am, I am done packing. And aside from the computer I type on as we speak.

I am 5 minutes away from turning this box off and putting it in another box, making it ready to go. The internetz people in San Antonio seem to not be able to come until Friday, but we'll try to make that sooner. Otherwise, I will be silent until then.

I will take lots of pictures. I cannot wait.

OMG. I am moving to San Antonio. To live with CB. To marry, legally, CB. OMG. OMG. OMG.

PS: I have a twitter now? Just two days ago I swore wouldn't get one and that I didn't need one to my brother. It took about 5 seconds of peer pressure from dear friend CD, and alas, here I am. My posts are set to private though, so unless I approve you, you can't follow. AND for fun I made the username my NEW name, which I won't have until next week, but whatever: LJBrooks07. Have at it.

Pre-emptive thoughts on "living with another person"

Friday night I had my last gathering with my Latin teacher friends. There are 6 of us in total, and only one guy. After half left around 10pm, as they had obligations: babysitters to relieve, husbands to go home to, and one last stop to make before the end of the night, the remaining 3 of us sat around talking until midnight.

I talked about how much I hate packing, and how packing the kitchen was the worst. The worst part about packing isn't so much the actual packing though. It is the knowing and being very aware of the fact that in just a few days I will have to go through the hell of unpacking it all. I would much prefer it if I packed all this stuff and it was just sent to some alternate universe where I never have to see it again. I would live forever with my 5 t-shirts, 1 pair of jeans, 1 dress, 2 pairs of shorts, some underwears, and 3 pairs of shoes: flippies, running shoes, and some croc-y type slide on things. It would be bliss.

I told them how I made a deal with CB: he unpacks the kitchen, I'll be responsible for the entire upstairs region of the house. But then... I had hesitations about giving him such a monumental task as unpacking the kitchen. What if he put the dishes in a bad place? What if I was constantly coming by, suggesting that he change around everything he just did because I did not find it suitable? Maybe I should just unpack THE WHOLE HOUSE just so it could be to my liking? And that's when it hit me: I am going to be living with another person. Forever.

And this person? He may not like the dishes where I like the dishes. He may not want the bookshelves there, he may want them here. He may not want to arrange the study area, which we will share, in that way. He may not like how I decorate the living room (and, unlike most guys, he does have an opinion about such things.) OH MY GOD I HAVE FOUND THE ROOT OF MARITAL CONFLICT.

My friend PR was asking about our bookshelves, as between us we have a total of 6 bookshelves, all very full (As SB says, I have a book problem). 3 are short (his) and 3 are tall (mine). She wanted to know where we planned on putting these shelves. As I pondered the options, she suggested we put the short shelves downstairs in the living room.

My response: "But won't it be weird to have a bunch of medical books hanging out in the living where guests will like, sit?"

Her response: "Well, put your books on them."

My response: (blank stare) I never thought about that. I never thought about putting my books anywhere other than my bookshelves. Oh my gosh. Our books will mesh. Our shelves will mesh.

The problem, if you could call it that, is that the bulk of the furniture, accent pieces, decorations, kitchenware, etc. that is going to fill our new house is my stuff. It has always been mine, not ours. I have lived alone since freshman year of college. I am used to doing everything my way.

Really, I want to share all I have with CB. I want it to be ours and not mine. But, I realized Friday night that it will take a lot more adjusting than I previously thought. I will have to relinquish control and maybe let him decide where the best place to put the dishes is. I may have to share my bookshelves (gasp!).

One thing I won't have to share? The closet. He is giving the ENTIRE master closet space to me, willingly, before I could even ask. He is a good man.

As for the rest of it? It will take some getting used to, but I am prepared for it, and if there is one thing CB and I are pretty good at (most of the time) it is communicating and compromising. My dad (who is divorced from my mom, mind you) always says this about marriage: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married? I chose the latter.

I am weary

I want packing to be over. I don't feel excited about moving or getting married or anything, because really all I can think about is how I keep needing effing more packing materials.

Here is my progress thus far. I didn't include the kitchen, as you can't really tell from pictures how I've packed every single breakable dish.

The dining room with all its boxes stacked around.

The office area/bar, all packed aside from items to donate and my box of Coca Cola.

The closet, empty of all clothes except a lone summer dress to wear to Father's Day dinner.

And the bulk of the boxes. That is most of my life, folks.

Here are also a couple shots of the super nice re-covered leather couch my mom has graciously donated to CB and I. It's covered in a purple blanket in the pictures above, as I do not want my dog ruining before I get to use it in my new house. I love it, though it looks raging splotchy here.

The back

The front

And CB finished his test. He said that it was obviously very difficult and that there were some he didn't know, but that he felt like he passed and that it's going to be okay. Now comes the waiting for the score (something like 4 weeks. Ugh.) Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and rabbit foot rubs, and well wishes, and Buddha belly rubs. Hopefully, they all worked.

Can this all just be over now? Can I be in our new house, unpacked, and laying on the most comfortable couch ever? Thanks.