Either my life is lame, or I'm no good at the writingz.

I find that when I read other people's blogs, I have less to say about my life. Something about me feeling not nearly as interesting and not nearly as good of a writer as others. Meanwhile, all you other people should keep updating. Thanks, bye. 

An Update... and some peeektures.

(A note about the pictures: I seem to have lost my touch with the formatting of the blog, so unfortunately the pictures I talk about later have been placed at the beginning... except one of them, which is where it needs to be)

Hello dear friends,

It has been awhile since I last wrote anything. So sorry. CB was in town for a whole week and I got to experience firsthand what it would be like having to work everyday and deal with stress, all while having someone around at the end of the day.

He was wonderful though, as usual, and when I was a beastly, grouchy woman at the end of the day, he just smiled and made me dinner and tried to help me clean (Seriously... a man of seemingly infinite patience). He also got my brakes fixed one day while I was at school (not to mention that he got my car washed, went grocery shopping for me, and fixed my windshield wiper fluid leak). I definitely found myself a wonderful person, and not just because he does stuff for me either. 

One of the (many) things we had to do while he was in town was have our professional engagement pictures done. Earlier we had a friend do pictures which were amazing, but as part of the package I got with my wedding photographer was a complementary engagement session. Overall, so far I do not like a majority of the pictures, and I do not fault the photographer in any way. I fault my stomach... and butt.... and double chin... In other words, I haven't been working out or doing anything I should be, and in far too many of the pictures I look a tad on the pregnant side. It is scary. 

I have a choice 5 I will share here (see above), though I should note that these were copy/pasted from the photographer's website and I am not sure if I am supposed to have them- so know that if these pictures don't look quality it is probably because of that, not him.  All photos are done by Roe-White Photography. And they are beautiful when they aren't copy/pasted. 

Anyways, that is all I've got for now. I am still looking for a job, and I am terrified of the one I potentially found/don't think they will hire me because I don't have a certification already. I wish they would work with me, but then I kind of don't because, well, it would be a LOT of classes to teach and all of the sudden I wouldn't just be doing Latin 1, I would be doing Latin 1-AP Latin. Not that I'm not capable, but geeeeez. 

Potential J-O-B and prayers again please. Thanks.

I woke up this morning to a forwarded message from a Latin teacher friend of mine. Another teacher from the area to which I will be relocating posted in a Yahoo group that she is leaving and needs another Latin teacher to take over her classes. OOMMMMGGGGGG.

She did use the word 'qualified' which I believe means 'teaching certification' and while I don't have one of those as of yet, I am more than willing to bend over backwards to get one. With Latin teachers they often let you work on your cert. while teaching (or at least I have heard and know people doing it). 

I wrote the lady who posted the message and expressed my interest in her position and also name dropped a bit (duuhhh. It's really not about the Latin I know, it's about the people) (Just kidding. It is about the Latin I know AND the people).

If you are the praying sort, say a quick prayer for me that this lady will like me and want me to take her job. 

Thanks, bye. 

OH- and this weekend is a friend's bachelorette weekend. I am pretty excited, though not very excited about the 3 hour drive! 

Please say some prayers...

I don't often publicly solicit prayer, and this might be stupid, but... whatever.

One of the dilemmas I have had with all the wedding planning is figuring out who on earth is actually going to perform the ceremony. Kind of important. I do not have a church that I regularly attend here, so it has been quite the challenge. The other issue is that CB is in the military, and medical school. He has a bit of a tight schedule. Most everyone requires extensive pre-marital counseling and one-on-one meetings. We do not have a problem with either of those things... it is just that CB and I will be in a different city than the one we are getting married in for the 6 months leading up to the wedding. CB can't just up and leave once a week either. Alas... this has caused some problems.

Until a dear friend recently referred us to her father, who is a retired Navy chaplain. When I spoke with him he was incredibly understanding of CB and I's situation (military... medical school... won't be in this area to do any pre-marital counseling meetings... and it goes on...). Having been in the military himself he knew of the difficulty CB has to go through to leave the city to go anywhere, etc. This man sounded like the perfect person to marry CB and I, but he has not officially said 'Yes, I will marry the two of you on Dec. 19, 2009." I am supposed to hear from him by Monday. So what is it that I want you to say prayers for? That he will agree to do long distance pre-marital counseling with us and perform our wedding ceremony in December. It has taken so long to find anyone who was even willing to consider working with our situation, so I am afraid that if he says no we will have to get married by someone off of a random wedding officiant selection site. That would be creepy. : (

Also... I have been meeting with florists. I am having a hard time because I am not very visual and I want something beautiful and within our budget- which isn't huge. ugh. Anyways. You can pray for my meeting tomorrow with another florist that they won't creep me out and they will be super nice and helpful with helping me envision something awesome. 

Because I am slightly uncomfortable with serious moments

I feel the need to write something lighthearted and kind of mindless now.

I want to show the world my wedding dress. And even though CB doesn't read this blog- (I'm not mad about this though. It is like my own personal digital world. Besides... pathology is WAY more important right now)- I am afraid to put a link to it here. 

Suffice it to say that I LOVE it. 

 And that I am still VERY excited about getting married. I do however suspect that I might make a TERRIBLE wife (scanning my apartment: 2 empty fruit snack wrappers lying on the coffee table, carpet un-vacuumed since... uh?, sink filled to the brim with dirty dishes, pile of clothes next to my bed, clothes in the washer and dryer that have been there for maybe 2 weeks.) SOMEONE DOMESTICATE ME NOW. (not really, thanks) 

I warn CB at least twice a week of this. 

It's Spring Break also. I can finally get back to that laundry. And vacuuming. And dish-doing. And picking up. What a break! (not)

An Update For Jane

Hi Jane! Got your email! : )

Anyways. So I used to read this girl's blog, and I did not know her in person, but I loved to read her thoughts. She was a wonderful writer, and though there were many things she said she could not reveal about her life, I was really interested in what she did share of her life. I was actually saddened when she said she was shutting down her blog at the beginning of this year.

Well... recently (as in yesterday) I was perusing the blog world (I frequently find new interesting people to read from links on other people's blogs. I obviously need to spend more time doing things I'm supposed to do... like, uh, clean?), and I came across this one blog. It was anonymous, so I didn't know who was writing it, but I did know it was a girl. This girl was basically bearing her heart and soul about the fact she had had an affair and ended it, and how she was trying desperately to work on her marraige, while simultaneously trying to mend a broken heart (from the affair). I read her blog all the way back to when it started... at the beginning of this year. I actually teared up when she wrote about how she wrote her husband an email after much thought and contemplation one night and told him that she was going to give him her whole heart, if he wanted it, and then she waited for hours for his response: 'I desperately want your heart.' 

Tears. In my eyeballs. 

Anyways... long story short. It's the same girl. She had a video of herself singing and playing guitar, and I looked closely and realized- Hey. This looks an awful lot like ------.  And then I realized... it is --------. She had an entry about how she shut down her old blog because she couldn't truly write about herself and her life. People were reading. Family was reading. Her husband was reading. Her bosses were reading. She felt she couldn't truly be honest about herself when all these people who know her were reading all of it. So she started an anonymous blog. I was SO happy to find it. 

Maybe it is that I have a romantic view of life/the world. Everything can be beautiful when it is beautifully written, I guess. In reality that poor girl more than likely aches on the inside all the time. She feels torn and anxious and possibly like the world is bleak and dark (are those the same thing? anyways...)

But from my perspective, this girl is living real life. She has a job, she has a dog, she has made decisions- good and bad- and she has to suffer the consequences for the bad ones. She will recover, as most everyone does eventually, and life will move on. She will learn something. Despite her sadness for her situation (which, I can admit she put herself in... but still... I don't believe you can judge a person for being human and thus fallible*) it is touching to read about it. It is a relief to read real-ness. Real pain and ambiguity. Nice to know we are not alone in this world with our bad decisions, regrets, and yet still- small moments of hope and love. 

I wish I could write anonymously (what was I thinking using my first name!?). I wish I could live anonymously sometimes. As previously written on this blog- it seems there are too many people who are too quick to judge others and as a result people end up hiding some of the most intimate, real moments and decisions of thier lives. It is like we alienate ourselves from one another because we are too scared to be honest about our sins and regrets and thus we end up feeling alone. I say we. Maybe I just mean I. 

I don't regret my decisions. I do not for a second want to change what I have done. If it was a mistake that I suffered consequences for: I learned a lesson. If it was a decision that I didn't/don't consider a mistake, but others might: I really don't care. But I do care enough not to share these questionable decisions on the internetz or with my co-workers (though parents and friends know many of these... I can be open about things with them). Life is messy. Not everyone can share all the details publicly, and maybe sometimes the details get smudged into a better, shinier version because we want people to think/see us as better than we really are. 

An anonymous life would be good though. Because I HATE lying. 

In case you didn't know...

I cannot wait to get married to CB.

I also cannot wait to move to San Antonio.

I cannot wait for CB to be in town for a week during his Spring Break.

I cannot wait until my Spring Break, the week before.

The End.